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Original poster

Visiting parents, not allowed to share bed with partner

118 replies

Revir · 25/06/2022 12:14

Hello,

I am visiting my parents house for a few days. I will be bringing my partner home. We have been together for a year and a half.

Parents have met my partner socially, but this is the first time we will both go home to stay.

I am 23 and they are 26.

My dad is insisting that we sleep in separate beds. My partner will be in my bedroom, and I will be on a camp bed.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Brahumbug · 25/06/2022 16:07

@FemmeNatal
Brahumbug

This 'Their house, their rules' is a load of shit. You don't get to impose ridiculous rules on grown adults. Tell them if you can't share you won't be staying. Would they like it if you insisted they had separate rooms when visiting you? After all you could be uncomfortable with the idea if your parents having sex!

Of course you do, you set the rules in your own home.

So it would be fine to say you can't share a bed because you are gay and god doesn't like gays? Or you can't share a bed because your boyfriend/girlfriend, partner is black? Same principle applies.

diddl · 25/06/2022 16:09

I think if a couple are living together or regularly staying over at each others it seems daft not to let them share a bed.

But if that's what my parents wanted I'd either stay elsewhere or accept it.

I couldn't get too fussed about it tbh.

Nor would I be embarrassed for them.

doadeer · 25/06/2022 16:09

If my parents tried to do this I wouldn't stay with them it's ridiculous

Brahumbug · 25/06/2022 16:11

@bellac11

So you have no problem with prohibiting it on homophobic or racist grounds for example as it is their house? Same principle.

Lochjeda · 25/06/2022 16:15

I wouldn't go visit tell them to take their beliefs and fuck right off.

Spanielsarepainless · 25/06/2022 16:15

My husband and I didn't share a bed at my parents ' house until we were married. It didn't bother either of us. Book other accommodation if you don't like it.

bellac11 · 25/06/2022 16:18

Brahumbug · 25/06/2022 16:11

@bellac11

So you have no problem with prohibiting it on homophobic or racist grounds for example as it is their house? Same principle.

What do you mean 'no problem'

If I were OP (as I believe I have said in my replies to her) I would stay in a hotel, as I would have a problem with it

But no one can tell someone else what the rules are in their own home.

Brahumbug · 25/06/2022 16:20

Their house, their rules isn't an unrestricted right to impose ridiculous rules, it is not some kind of absolute monarchy, reasonable rules need to be respected, but if you have been living with your partner for some time then they are not bring reasonable, you aren't turning up with some one night stand!

MadMadMadamMim · 25/06/2022 16:20

I wouldn't stay there. Book a hotel. My parents did that to myself and my DP before we were married.

He is now 64 and I'm late 50s. I can't believe anyone of my generation (which I guess your parents must be) would still be inflicting this on their DC!

Kite22 · 25/06/2022 16:21

Seems a very old fashioned view, so you have a choice of


  • not going home to stay

  • going home and paying out for accommodation local to them

  • going home and staying with a mate or someone else who would welcome you near to parents

  • going home and pretending to go to bed as per their arrangements and sneaking about in the night

  • going home and sleeping separately and not making a big deal of it

Daisyroseandhyacinth · 25/06/2022 16:22

My IL ‘s and parents had this rule. It’s their house and their rules. To be honest there is something to be said for it. My daughter has had four serious boyfriends so far. I get a bit tired of having them for Xmas and to stay over, only for the relationship not to last.

CuriousCatfish · 25/06/2022 16:35

What if the OP never gets married? Will her parents impose their ridiculous rules when she is in 30s? 40s?

catmothertes1 · 25/06/2022 16:47

BlanketsBanned · 25/06/2022 12:48

Thats totally pointless if you are both in the same room, doesnt he realise you will just get into the other bed if you want to.

Sounds like those B&B owners who refused to have same sex couples in a room with a double bed but who would have 2 men or 2 women in a room with 2 single beds.

Scianel · 25/06/2022 16:54

Has anyone said "their house, their rules" yet?

Loadedforest · 25/06/2022 16:55

Is your dad general sexist/ misogynistic? You’re not his property it’s gross

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/06/2022 16:57

Revir · 25/06/2022 12:14

Hello,

I am visiting my parents house for a few days. I will be bringing my partner home. We have been together for a year and a half.

Parents have met my partner socially, but this is the first time we will both go home to stay.

I am 23 and they are 26.

My dad is insisting that we sleep in separate beds. My partner will be in my bedroom, and I will be on a camp bed.

Thoughts?

Their house, their rules. But; your life, your choices. And one of my life choices is never to sleep on a camp bed as they're so damned uncomfortable, so -

I'd find a nearby B&B / AirBnB / willing friend with a spare room, and not sleep in my parents' house.

viques · 25/06/2022 16:57

You could have very loud sex in the shower……….. then trot off to sleep in your separate beds. Or as others have said, pay for a hotel/ B and B or airb and b.

StaunchMomma · 25/06/2022 17:00

100% book a hotel or b&b.

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 25/06/2022 17:02

Cmon you’re both adults, you can survive not sharing a bed for a short period. If you don’t like it stay in a hotel, you sound like a petulant 15 year old

and what’s with the gender neutral. It’s 2022. you don’t need to hide whatever you’re hiding , those days are long gone.

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 25/06/2022 17:03

Loadedforest · 25/06/2022 16:55

Is your dad general sexist/ misogynistic? You’re not his property it’s gross

Is this serious? You don’t know what gender is typing, this could be two men for gods sake,

shamalidacdak · 25/06/2022 17:06

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 25/06/2022 12:33

I honestly wouldn't stay. Stupid.

Regardless of it being 'their house' ffs. It's ridiculous

Not it's not. It's respectful. It's their house their rules. And it's not a generational thing either. Lots of younger parents do the same myself included! If you can't manage a few days sleeping apart then you've got bigger issues to deal with.

bigbird50 · 25/06/2022 17:06

my mum was staying at her brothers house and she was advised that her and my nearly step dad had to sleep in different houses. However that was 1980 not 2022!

Cherclueless · 25/06/2022 17:12

For a few nights, who cares? If you want to do other things in the bed (I never did with my parents in the next room, I can manage until I get home!) then just do it in the single and sleep separately. It’s no big deal really and it’s really not worth falling out with them over.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 25/06/2022 17:20

DismantledKing · 25/06/2022 12:18

Unfortunately if you want to stay in their house, you have to abide by their rules

She's 23 not 13.

Xanthovalent · 25/06/2022 17:24

It's ridiculous but ultimately their choice as their house.

I would just go for the day or stay in a hotel.