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Original poster

Visiting parents, not allowed to share bed with partner

118 replies

Revir · 25/06/2022 12:14

Hello,

I am visiting my parents house for a few days. I will be bringing my partner home. We have been together for a year and a half.

Parents have met my partner socially, but this is the first time we will both go home to stay.

I am 23 and they are 26.

My dad is insisting that we sleep in separate beds. My partner will be in my bedroom, and I will be on a camp bed.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
newnamethanks · 25/06/2022 12:51

Oh well. Book hotel. Not the end of the world either way.

Shmithecat2 · 25/06/2022 12:53

Their house, their rules. Although if you live with your partner, it does seem a bit daft.

Gusfringrules · 25/06/2022 13:27

Amipreg1 · 25/06/2022 12:20

Absolutely ridiculous. I would stay elsewhere.

Not ridiculous. Their house, their rules. So what? It may be old-fashioned in their eyes, but their values are none of your business

Hallyup89 · 25/06/2022 13:29

Respect your parents' wishes or get a hotel room. Dead simple.

bellac11 · 25/06/2022 13:32

Agree you should stay in a hotel

They dont need to justify their rules but you dont need to stay there if you dont like them

Not sure how they would know if you're in the same bed anyway if you're in the same room?

GeorgiaGirl52 · 25/06/2022 13:34

CuriousCatfish · 25/06/2022 12:18

Don't stay there. If they can't accept you are an adult it's their loss.

If you are really an adult, you respect other people's values.
You don't bring your beer and wine to the home of non-drinkers or barbecue meat at a vegetarian home. Adults - true adults - have some restraint and self control.

BlueShoesKate · 25/06/2022 13:36

I'd start as you mean to go on OP, and stay in a hotel.

Much talk about respecting your parents "rules", but they also should respect your relationship decision. Plus staying in the same room, sounds a bit like denial. I'm assuming this is a same sex relationship and by giving you a camp bed they can pretend it's not happening? If they can't, fine. What happens if you marry this person, will they suddenly change their minds? What if you are with them, without marrying, for 20 years?

IncompleteSenten · 25/06/2022 13:40

Id sleep in the separate bed for the visit. I'd enjoy the visit, spend good quality time with them and have a good laugh with my partner privately about sleepover rules.

Ihatethenewlook · 25/06/2022 13:41

WildThing87 · 25/06/2022 12:20

Meh, hardly a big deal. Their house their rules.

If you're not keen, just stay in a hotel or air bnb. But to be honest, I don't think it's that big a deal.

I think it’s a big deal. Would you make your own parents sleep in different beds at your house?

BarbedButterfly · 25/06/2022 13:43

My parents did this so we just got a hotel and never stayed there. Their home and all, but I voted with my feet as I think the rule is stupid

lady725516 · 25/06/2022 13:44

I've read a thread this morning about a son coming home with his partner and sharing a bed.

Sounds like your mum is looking for advice too!

bumpertobumper · 25/06/2022 13:50

There was another thread this morning with the same situation but with the parent asking wtbu to not allow 23yo son to share a room with partner. Religious reasons.
Most responses were that they were U and should let their adult child share a room with partner.

Interesting that most responses on this thread are their house their rules

Almost seems that mumsnetters like to say OP is BU Grin

IncompleteSenten · 25/06/2022 13:52

bumpertobumper · 25/06/2022 13:50

There was another thread this morning with the same situation but with the parent asking wtbu to not allow 23yo son to share a room with partner. Religious reasons.
Most responses were that they were U and should let their adult child share a room with partner.

Interesting that most responses on this thread are their house their rules

Almost seems that mumsnetters like to say OP is BU Grin

Either that or it's different posters.

EveningOverRooftops · 25/06/2022 13:53

Sleeping on a camp bed? Fuck that. Get a hotel.

it’s their ‘moral’ ideas are trumping your comfort and sleep here because a camp bed is not comfortable.

Applesandroses · 25/06/2022 13:58

My parents insisted we sleep in separate rooms until we got married when we visited even though we were living together.

It was daft but I just went along with it because it didn't cost me anything (I don't mean monetary cost, I mean it had no negative impact on me) and it made her happier.

Although even as a married couple we couldn't sleep in the same bed anyway because they don't have a spare double bed, and when my inlaws come to visit they end up in two single beds because that's what we have spare. I just don't think sleeping arrangements are a matter for angst when visiting someone.

adorablecat · 25/06/2022 14:06

It's up to your parents how they accommodate guests, but it's up to you whether you accept what is on offer. You could stay in a hotel, or decide not to visit.

TwoSecondsLater · 25/06/2022 14:09

Dh's parents wouldn't let us sleep in the same room even though we lived together and were engaged. So instead we stayed at my very devout Catholic Mother's house instead where of course we could share a bed.

I wouldn't stay with your parents. You are not a child anymore. Their house, their rules, but you don't live there so you can choose to stay in a lovely hotel.

MyneighbourisTotoro · 25/06/2022 14:09

Hilarious! I’d be asking if they were joking!

Brahumbug · 25/06/2022 14:10

This 'Their house, their rules' is a load of shit. You don't get to impose ridiculous rules on grown adults. Tell them if you can't share you won't be staying. Would they like it if you insisted they had separate rooms when visiting you? After all you could be uncomfortable with the idea if your parents having sex!

adorablecat · 25/06/2022 14:11

Do your parents realise that sex can happen without a double bed, or any bed?

drpet49 · 25/06/2022 14:11

“Even if you don't agree with the rules or think they're ridiculous... it's their house.

So respect them or stay in a hotel if you'd both prefer is the simple answer.”

^Yep I agree

MyneighbourisTotoro · 25/06/2022 14:12

I don’t understand the “their house, their rules” would they force any other guests to go along with these rules because I highly doubt it!
OP is an adult and should be treated like one and not have to abide by such ridiculous rules.

3peassuit · 25/06/2022 14:12

Your parents are being ridiculous. Stay in a hotel and explain why.

FemmeNatal · 25/06/2022 14:17

Brahumbug · 25/06/2022 14:10

This 'Their house, their rules' is a load of shit. You don't get to impose ridiculous rules on grown adults. Tell them if you can't share you won't be staying. Would they like it if you insisted they had separate rooms when visiting you? After all you could be uncomfortable with the idea if your parents having sex!

Of course you do, you set the rules in your own home.

rea2022x · 25/06/2022 14:18

Get a hotel!