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Original poster

Family outstaying their welcome

98 replies

Iamnotyourmum · 22/06/2022 14:49

My DH’s cousin moved into our house as a temporary stop gap…3 years ago. He’s showing no signs of leaving even though it was supposed to be for 6 months. DH won’t ask him to leave as he has nowhere to go and blew all his money on his hobby.

On top of that DH’s cousin resents me asking him to do his share of cleaning. Apparently he doesn’t know how. He says he’ll do it, but just never does. He’s now stopped using the kitchen and buying take aways as he’s so afraid of being asked to clean up after himself. He doesn’t pay any rent/utilities so I don’t think it’s too onerous to ask him to clean, or is it?

He’s a really lovely man, but enough is enough. How the hell do I get him out of my house without a major falling out?

OP posts:
Arenanewbie · 22/06/2022 14:50

Is it a joke?

BalloonsAndWhistles · 22/06/2022 14:52

That’s disgraceful 😮 I think he’s had enough of a free ride and you are your DH have facilitated that (sorry) You need to say that from XX date he needs to pay £XX and tell him what it includes. That’s assuming you still want him to stay. If not, I’d say he needs to leave in 2 months, enough time for him to find somewhere.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/06/2022 14:54

He's not a lovely man. He's taking the absolute piss. As is your DH.

Deadline them both.

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Families
11Hawkins · 22/06/2022 14:54

Just say he has two months or whatever date you think is reasonable to move out and find a new place otherwise he'll need to go to the local council and register as homeless as you need your home back now.

What a cheeky fucker!

TinaBurner432 · 22/06/2022 14:55

I'm gobsmacked by this. He's a lovely guy? Sounds like he's taking the absolute piss!

FemmeNatal · 22/06/2022 14:56

That’s crazy.

Although you have every right to ask him to leave now, maybe it’ll be easier to start by telling him it’s time for him to look for his own place.

If, after a couple of weeks he’s made no progress then tell him that he has (for example) three months, which is more than enough time.

TinaBurner432 · 22/06/2022 14:57

At the very least he should be kissing your feet and pulling his weight!!

Timeforabiscuit · 22/06/2022 14:57

Your Dh really needs to be on the same page, so he needs to tidy up after the cousin and foot the bill for his house guest as a bare minimum.

I would start saying you have plans to downsize and so they need to leave by x date, if you need a white lie - but your dh would need to be in absolute agreement that they need to be gone.

Timeforabiscuit · 22/06/2022 14:59

I only suggest concentrating on dh, as the cousin looks like an absolute lost cause!

zafferana · 22/06/2022 15:01

3 years and you're only getting pissed off about it now?

Seriously OP, grow a pair. The number of women on MN who allow themselves to be treated like doormats never ceases to depress me.

Indoorcamping · 22/06/2022 15:01

He's not a lovely man, he's a freeloading knob.

I'd be moving out.

WhenDovesFly · 22/06/2022 15:04

I'd be telling my 'D'H that he has to choose who he wants to live with, his cousin or me, and if (hopefully) he chooses me then I'd give him a fixed deadline to get it sorted, and stick to my guns.

Mum2two2022 · 22/06/2022 15:05

Wow, I feel for you, nothing like stepping on egg shells in your own home!

I think you cannot beat around the bush on this one tbh think you should just tell him out right he has 2 months to find somewhere or else. If this causes a rift between yourself and your husband just tell him it's for the best for your relationship and for his cousin! Good luck

HollowTalk · 22/06/2022 15:05

He's been living there without bills all that time? 😱

Georgeskitchen · 22/06/2022 15:08

Give him one month's notice in writing to get out. If hes not out by then (assuming he doesn't have a legally drawn up tenancy) put his stuff on the doorstep and change the locks

Lovely man my arse........

Original poster
Iamnotyourmum · 22/06/2022 15:10

Sorry - should have said that DH does cover the increased utility costs from his cousin staying and does half of the cleaning in the house.
It just rankles that DH’s cousin doesn’t do any of it (or on the one occasion he did he did it so badly it had to be redone - and then complained that his fingers were apparently bleeding!).

OP posts:
TinaBurner432 · 22/06/2022 15:12

zafferana · 22/06/2022 15:01

3 years and you're only getting pissed off about it now?

Seriously OP, grow a pair. The number of women on MN who allow themselves to be treated like doormats never ceases to depress me.

I'm inclined to agree with this. I would of threw him out ages ago by his ear probably but then I have no filter or restraint in such situations.

JuneJubilee · 22/06/2022 15:29

Why can't you say to your DH 'I've had enough now, I want privacy, for us and for our family. Cousin needs to move out! '

if he argues, ask him why what YOU want in YOUR house doesn't matter to him.

tell him HE can move out with his cousin if them being together is more important to him.

cousin has had Three years with responsibility, cleaning, bills to get his life sorted. Just how much longer does your DH think this should continue.

DH might be contributing more, instead if cousin, but WHY? Why isn't he more invested in using that money to better your family life??

it boils down to 'fuck that for a game iof soldiers'

MachineBee · 22/06/2022 15:29

You need to get him to leave. If you wanted to move house he could scupper that by refusing to leave. My DD17 had to sign to say she wouldn’t obstruct a sale when I moved after my divorce. Apparently there was a case of a relative refusing to move out and this had been adopted as standard practice on house purchases where adults or near adults were part of the household.

IncompleteSenten · 22/06/2022 15:31

"How the hell do I get him out of my house without a major falling out?"

You probably can't.

You have to decide whether you fear confrontation more than you hate the thought of him leeching off you for years.

AdoraBell · 22/06/2022 15:32

Exactly what JuneJubilee said.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/06/2022 15:34

Indoorcamping · 22/06/2022 15:01

He's not a lovely man, he's a freeloading knob.

I'd be moving out.

I agree with @Indoorcamping 100%, @Iamnotyourmum. Time to put your foot down.

mbosnz · 22/06/2022 15:35

I'd tell DH that it's been three years, and the deal was six months. Now they are both taking the piss. He needs to think about two things. Firstly, who does he have the most vested interest in keeping them happy with him? His wife, or his douche bag of a cousin? Having considered this very important question, who is going to tell his cousin his time is up, he's got one month and he's out on his tod, regardless of whether the only place he can find to lay his head is under a bridge? Personally I'd eagerly offer my services to do so, if I were you, to make sure it was unpleasantly obvious that this was what was going to happen, no matter what.

Original poster
Iamnotyourmum · 22/06/2022 15:47

Thanks for all the comments. I may have made it sound more simple than it is. DH and I are both fond of his cousin, we wouldn’t want to see him homeless or suffering. I just need my home back.

I need a sensible exit strategy where cousin can move on without feeling kicked out.
The problem is he’s quite sensitive and if we say you’ve got 6 months to find somewhere else, he might take offence and flounce off that day and be sofa surfing.
I would want to know he had a sensible option.

OP posts:
TinaBurner432 · 22/06/2022 15:50

@Iamnotyourmum How old is the cousin?