Did you marry, or are you with your partner for money?

[marblekid]

I know this is a question most people would never answer in the flesh but I wondered if any of you have married someone you didn't fancy/love etc just because they had a bulging wallet?

No, but I did marry someone who has the same attitude to money as me. We don't spend what we don't have.

We could have a very flashy life, but have opted not to. We have a beautiful home, the bank would have given us a mortgage for double, but neither of us wanted that.

If we both lost our job tomorrow we could manage for years on our savings.

Married for love, biggest mistake i ever made. If i ever get married again it will be for money.

No. Love dh and our life. But god i look at my sister with her moneybags lovely bloke and do feel sad sometimes. How i would i loved to have married someone with money.

But still how man people get to hangout with an old punk, lucky me! (Sorry if I sound bitter, i do love that dh has strong interests and an eccentric charm....no slippers and pipe for him!)

Married for love, but sometimes wish I married for money 😂 not that DH is poor but he’s not rich either. We’re comfortable most of the time.

The old saw goes that one should marry the first time for love, the second time for money and the third time for companionship.

I missed the second time, dammit

No but I did set parameters for myself when dating, I have money from my divorce and had no intention of subsidising someone else. I turned down a very rich guy who wanted me to move to Luxembourg with him after 3 dates!

They say if you marry for money, you earn every penny and I saw that clearly with a relative who admits now that she married for money, and that she stayed with him far longer than she should have. He was and continues to be, financially abusive to her, despite divorcing. He just does it via the kids now, the prick. He's destroyed her mental health, their kids mental health and he's a nasty individual.

I dumped a millionaire after a few months because I felt he was a bit of a player. Turns out he was exactly that.

Even if you earn your ‘own money’ life is very expensive on your own, with no parental help.
The more you earn the more is taken away in tax. 2 people on 40K each will take home more compared to one on 90K, even before considering resillience (if one of you lost your job) and base companionship.

I’d be with someone ‘boring’ for money but then again I’m very nerdy and just want to be left to my own devices. I like travel and eating out etc when in the mood but there are loads of meet-ups and stuff where I can find people at the drop of a hat.

Also to add I see many complaint their DP never wants to ‘do anything’ for me not an issue. I can find loads of people to ‘do things’ with.
Finding someone who will share the mundane equally is a chore!
The other issue is values, if one of you wants to spend more on travel etc and the other doesn’t it’s an issue but again having more money solved this.

No. Wish I had though 😂

I have a relative who sounds similar to your acquaintances. It's not that she married her wealthy DH just for his money, but equally there was an income level below which she'd never consider dating. She was 20years younger than him, and as you describe brought a willingness to take full and total responsibility for the house and kids. From the outside it looks like a pretty decent life for both of them.

Marrying someone does not ensure your children inherit. They are in a trust and I’m sure they and he will be fine.

I think most women who have consciously Married for money are out shopping and posting on IG about their fab life…not sure they are on MN in between doing the ironing and cooking dinner!

I didn't myself, but I know several women who married with an eye on being a SAHM. They wanted a traditional marriage, and being at home with their children was more important to them than romance. Who am I to say that they're wrong?

What she means is if your partner leaves you, you won't have a claim on any of the assets of the relationship. He could then marry someone else and leave everything/some to the new woman, or lose half in a divorce. Then your children will get less, if anything. Why couldn't you marry and leave it to them in your will? That way they would be guaranteed to get something.

I can't find a man I'd like to marry, let alone a rich one, if I could, I would!

I've never seen sahm as a particularly unpleasant word.

This is so true. I know people who married simply because living in London as a single person is so difficult. Renting a room in a shared house is doable as a couple, harder by yourself. If you don't have family support life is not easy.

@MyBottomDecides this gives me hope. I married DH, my first love so if it ever goes wrong I will keep that saying in mind 😂

No. Although wealth would be nice I need love and passion.

Yes, things get difficult in different ways but, personally, staying in a dead marriage is as toxic for the kids as for the parent who is staying put fir the sake of the standard of living.

People assume that men/women get difficult only after divorce but what many don’t know us that things were awful before it and are only turning worse because either the man or the woman are trying to assert they are in control of the ex even if they are no longer together. In such situation is always better out than in.

And yes, children can decide to follow the other parent but as another poster said, in better words, gratitude is not a given parenting, children are independent individuals and may leave anyway. Staying in a bad relationship for them does not save you from that. How many children have totally lost respect for the parent who stayed in a nasty marriage? Lots.