Did you marry, or are you with your partner for money?

[marblekid]

I know this is a question most people would never answer in the flesh but I wondered if any of you have married someone you didn't fancy/love etc just because they had a bulging wallet?

Haha, no. I married him because he's got great humour and empathy, he respects me and encourages me, he loves his family and his pets, he is intelligent, strong and despite being a modern man he still has old fashioned manners which is very cute.

I know someone who did. She was really late to her wedding, then came up the aisle crying, and we all knew why.

Amazingly, they are still together 20 years on. The money must help but I couldn't do it.

I married a rich man (several millions in assets when we married). I didn't marry him for his money, but because he is kind, clever, hard working and funny. In many ways, I wish he hadn't been so rich (or at least that there had been more parity in our financial asset positions) because I have a massive chip on my shoulder about "bringing less to the table", despite the fact that: 1) my earnings have risen to roughly equal his own, so I contribute hugely to our family economy in income terms; 2) I have always paid 50% of our costs, and; 3) I contribute more to our family life in other ways (e.g., by bearing more of the mental load). I think I will always have that chip and feel a bit inferior (which is entirely my issue - he never makes me feel that way). I wish that wasn't the case, but I can't seem to let it go. On the plus side, the financial security we have is amazing and I am very aware of and grateful about this.

I couldn’t marry a wealthy person who repulsed me but I could possibly marry a wealthy person who I liked and respected but wasn’t necessarily in love or lust with.

It’s only in recent decades that people have approached marriage in a mainly romantic way. Previously you’d have been totting up how many acres they owned, how many sheep, how much they drank, if they attended church on a Sunday etc. etc.

Is your friend Charlene of Monaco?

Or you could provide your own comfortable life... 🙄🙄🙄

The husband could leave tomorrow marry another woman and then if he died the new wife would inherit his estate, the poster is an absolute fool for not marrying, her partner.

Not marrying your long term partner/father of your children in order to prove that you're not a gold-digger seems a bit silly.

no if I had wanted that I would have stuck with my x who was a millionaire. He wasnt very nice though. Dh is pretty nice :) (annoying at times but very nice)

This is in fact what most women do.
They select for partners at or above their own level of income or education level.

It's called hypergamy has been observed by anthropologists and is also being demonstrated clearly to still exist in women's use of dating apps.

So not necessarily selecting for extreme wealth but for at least matching a life style they expect or the potential to provide this. Women select across and up socioeconomic hierarchies.

Of course the stories you'll get on here will be the ones that buck that tread as they seem more romantic and noble but even those e.g he was a poor PhD student, still probably fit with this, as it's a proxy for potential. Other proxy's for potential will also be used.

The ones where female doctor marries bin man will be less common.
But male doctor marries hairdresser not as uncommon.

(Just trying to pick jobs which indicate education level and salary, but appreciate hairdressers and bin men earn well so please use other examples which may fit better!)

Just being in a couple and sharing costs can make a huge difference.

Yes, going into our relationship we had similar salaries and moving in together fairly early on made huge financial sense and we both benefitted. So I guess going in we did get together for money but probably not in the way you mean.

I now outearn him by a factor of 5, and tbh I'm not sure the relationship would have continued if there was that salary discrepancy at the beginning.

Not if he dumps you and decides to marry someone else they won't

And you wouldn't be entitled to a penny either obviously

I think being genuinely in love is a big help in marriages but decent finances are a foundation that also helps massively. I think that people who say money doesnt matter are people who a) have never wondered whether they have enough money down the side of the sofa for a pint of milk or b) haven't a pot to p*ss in, at the present moment and are telling themselves that its all fine.

Having been married to a man who hadn't a penny of his own to his name and couldn't hold on to one even if given it - financial stability is as important to me in potential partners as attraction and personality. Not seeking wealth but stable employment and financially fluid is the bare minimum. Once bitten, twice shy.

Even if your children inherit - what happens to you in your old age? Do you depend on them for hand outs? What if they marry and divorce, everything gets divvied up and everyone’s left with, well, not a lot?

Hah no.

Would love more money but the very nature of my DH (& why he's so wonderful) means that he hasn't ever or wouldn't chase money.

I'm more the money driven one.

No, I didn't.

Although, despite it sounding very crass when phrased like that, I believe it can work.

I am in my early 40s but I enjoy a hobby with an older crowd of women.

A lot of these women are in their early to mid 60s with wealthy husbands in their 80s . So generally a 20 year age gap minimum.

They are fond of their husbands and they have never overtly said they married them for their money, but they also don't deny it either and there does seem to be a tacit understanding amongst them that that is how it was. At least in the beginning.

Most of these couples rub along very well. They got together when the men were in their 40s and working a lot. The wives were early 20s and popped out a few kids and had a nice lifestyle as SAHMs and were taken care of financially. The men got to focus on career while young, energetic wife looked after the kids and everything at home. I guess just more clearly defined roles than we have today.

They all seem to accept it's no great love story but all parties seem generally very content.

I guess maybe these situations are not so much about money but security. I just find it interesting.

No. My DH sand I met at school when we were bought penniless. Similar backgrounds and no wealth. Slept on the floor in our first house as we couldn’t afford a bed after paying all the fees. Better off now well as better off as you can be with 6 DH to feed but I would happily sleep in the floor again as long as it was next to him.

feeding 6 husbands would be costly indeed!

I have just noticed that. 😂😂. Thank goodness It was a typo.

No, but I dumped a guy I liked because he was in debt.

Let's not kid ourselves here. A comfortable life requires two incomes these days, unless you're living somewhere very cheap.

I make 70-80K a year between my job and my side business and I'm struggling to buy a one-bed flat. I'm 37 and have only just scraped the deposit together. If I had a partner earning the same, we'd have a much more comfortable life (although far from luxurious, because London).

It's pretty unusual to be an independently wealthy woman who didn't come from money. Of course it's possible, but it's very uncommon. Those of us who didn't grow up rich and have worked very hard are mostly just about doing OK.

No, I dated a few millionaires in my 20s, narcissists, players and oddballs haha, could definitely have married two of them as they were pushing for settling and kids
my dh is sahp and I support the family but we adore him and he’s the kindest person I know. No regrets ! Well, I did love that yacht ...

No. I fell in love with DH and fancy the pants off him. We're also lucky that he's a high earner, and life is easier and more pleasant because of that, but I wouldn't have married him without the love and attraction in the first place. I don't think it's a choice between marrying some horrible rich man or being with someone lovely but poor. Plenty of men are perfectly lovely, kind and attractive, but also are financially secure.

Got enough information yet OP?

Nope, on our first 'date' my hubby took me to subway, used a coupon for his meal and told the lady behind the counter 'she can use the coupon too'....

not sure why there was a second date lol (he was actually meant to cook my dinner but freaked out about his culinary skills and 'took me out' instead) but almost 15 years later, here we are haha.

We have earned enough over the years to be comfortable and I have been mainly a SAHM for about 9 years with some work in between then but not alot. We cover the bills and have some left over but not a lot.