Did you marry, or are you with your partner for money?

[marblekid]

I know this is a question most people would never answer in the flesh but I wondered if any of you have married someone you didn't fancy/love etc just because they had a bulging wallet?

Not at all!
I (super broke) married at 20 to a an equally broke as fuck fella.
We've grown up together over the decades, and along the way, his income has risen to the comfortable six figures.
I am grateful, and proud, of how far we have come, but we never forget or shame our roots either.

No

Part of the reason I had ambitions career wise. So that I could marry a man because I actually loved them not the financial security they could provide. I was never going to be a "kept" woman

I know someone who only wants to date well off men. She openly says she doesn’t care what they look like, how old they are or what their personality is like, so long as they are rich.

The thing is, none of her boyfriends have been rich. They all have flashy cars, go on fancy holidays, wear designer crap and have egos the size of a small planet. They have average jobs, spun to sound better. They project the image of having money, but they don’t really.

I didn’t marry my DH for money. When I met him he was broke. He now has a very well paid job. I do think having money makes your life much easier. My mum used to say that when poverty strikes, love flies out the window.

God, no. DH earns less than 20% of my salary. I like to be in charge, financially. We both come from poor backgrounds - I just got lucky, job wise.

Nope. I’m the one who brings home the bacon in our house!

I was with my kids Dad for the best part of 20 years. He's very wealthy but is never going to win an award for being a great human. I loved him in spite of all that. He left me and the kids high and dry. Then I accidentally met the most gorgeous man who isn't wealthy and grafts for the little we've got. He's very easy on the eye and it's so nice to wake up and not need gas & air just to look at him in the morning! I love him so much and we have amazing friends and so much fun! He is also a brilliant Father to all of our kids.

Definitely. My first husband was horrendous with money. It ran through his fingers like water. Second husband wealthy and amazing with money. It grows and grows like the story of the magic porridge pot. I love him, he's a fabulous husband,stepfather and grandfather. I didn't marry him for his money but I wouldn't have married him without it. I had my own house and good car and had a job thst paid enough to pay for me and my children. I would never have jeopardised that by marrying the same sort of man as the first time.

It honestly never occurred to me that this was an option for getting through life. I planned to make my own money, not mooch off somebody else’s. And honestly, since joining MN I’m incredibly glad of that: so many posters in miserable marriages with men they dislike and who dislike them in return, but too scared to leave because they’ve no career to fall back on and would have to give up their home comforts for uncertainty and a minimum wage job.

Does it count if we earn the same amount?
DP isn’t independently wealthy, but has great earning potential. We’re in the same profession.

Had unemployed exes and the resentment crept in. Obviously different if a long-standing partner got ill etc diff but I was in my twenties, I didn’t just want to sit at home and do cheap stuff.

If I could find one who would put up with me, I would drop DP in a heartbeat.

Ha, same here! I also wouldn’t have left my degree and moved to the other side of the world for him. I’d have finished it first and been able to make my own money.

I ditched an engineer who’d patented a device that made him a huge amount of money to start seeing DH, who was a penniless student. Absolutely the right decision.

Okay… it is just part of our genetic build up as women to look up for security, even if that is about protecting your own assets. As somebody put it bluntly… women don’t lie eggs where there is no nest or possibility of one. So a safe/estable economic standard is attractive as it helps to provide for future children.

The key question to answer your question is “are you staying in an unhappy relationship because of the money?” Many woman stay put not to disadvantage themselves or their offspring by reducing their standard of living, a standard which they cannot afford by themselves. That’s were you can see how many put money ahead of more important qualities.

I Have a friend from Uni days who was there for the sole purpose of meeting and marrying someone wealthy or with great prospects . Her first husband rocketed up the career ladder but he expected her to work and she didn’t want to . 2 DC later they divorced , she received a big settlement, maintenance and school fees paid .
Second husband multi millionaire. Nice man but dull as ditchwater. She has an amazing life .
I should dislike her but she is lovely and great fun . .

No. I fell for him immediately. He had a glamorous well paid job at the time and I sometimes wondered if that was part of the attraction. Then he lost the job and became a penniless self-employed person and I still love him, decades later.

Okay… it is just part of our genetic build up as women to look up for security, even if that is about protecting your own assets. As somebody put it bluntly… women don’t lie eggs where there is no nest or possibility of one. So a safe/estable economic standard is attractive as it helps to provide for future children.

What utter rot, desiring financial security isn’t part of our genetic build up as women. It’s purely due to socialisation- messaging we grow up with as girls/women. It’s no coincidence that all the happily ever after tales we are fed from birth involve a PRINCE FFS.

I definitely didn't marry for money but one of the many things I found very attractive about my husband was how intelligent and driven he was. It was on the cards when I met him that he would have a great career and it's no surprise that he has. I liked the fact he was sensible, cautious and very reliable. He is fun too!
We haven't spent our lives chasing money but have ended up wealthy and I like it. It gives a massive peace of mind. You can solve lots of lives problems with money.

We've been able to help our kids buy houses and we've been able to help our parents with care home fees etc.

I stayed too long because of money although xdh had nothing when we got together. Second time round I did worry about his lack of £ but we're blissfully happy and it's turned out fine.

Okay… it is just part of our genetic build up as women to look up for security, even if that is about protecting your own assets. As somebody put it bluntly… women don’t lie eggs where there is no nest or possibility of one. So a safe/estable economic standard is attractive as it helps to provide for future children.

You might as well say it’s part of men’s “genetic build up” to be unfaithful and to rape so that they can fulfil their biological urge to procreate as widely as possible. We aren’t animals. Agree with ^Discoverreads* that women believing the rubbish about needing to be looked after and protected is propagated by the likes of Disney and outdated notions of being rescued by a Prince. And women who try to create that fiction in their own lives often end up badly disappointed or hurt, when they realise their rich prince has often distasteful expectations of his own about how his princess should behave and how she should treat him.

No, I’m the breadwinner! I joke that DP is with me for the money but he’s the least materialistic person on earth.

I suppose I was definitely looking for someone educated, driven and ambitious, like me, and those people rarely finish up penniless. But do I rely on him to earn the money, no. I earn plenty myself and have every intention of out-earning him before we're done.

No, he had been unemployed for quite a while when we started dating due to a disability. We've had incredibly tough times and absolutely great times and i can't imagine going through it with someone I didn't love but had a big bank account.

Didnt marry for money, but did marry someone with a steady job who was reliable. He earned more than me when we got together, but now I earn more than him.

Previously was with someone who was always broke, couldn’t stick at a job and I realised after we split up had a hidden gambling addiction. I’ve learned I would rather stay single to the end of my days rather than be with someone who gambles. It’s a chaotic nightmare. He always had a sob story, he stole directly from my bank account, pawned anything that wasn’t nailed enough. He even stole the £20 out if the card that my pensioner Nan had given me for my birthday. He was surprised when I ended it - the twat.

My dad said to me once, never marry for money, but never marry where there isn’t any.

Also, the idea that "women don't lay eggs with no nest" is so blatantly, hilariously false. Poverty correlates with more childbearing, not less. As you climb the income ladder, people have fewer children.

I dumped a CEO with a six figure salary for no one I had already met, but I am pretty sure as you might be, that we are in the minority.

You don’t know how many women are staying for the money until you divorce and everybody starts coming to you with their relationship woes.