Did you marry, or are you with your partner for money?

[marblekid]

I know this is a question most people would never answer in the flesh but I wondered if any of you have married someone you didn't fancy/love etc just because they had a bulging wallet?

No. He was doing a PhD and I was doing undergrad (2 different uni's) when we met so both were penniless.

Still married (mostly happily) after 27 years together.

It is definitely propagated by the likes of Disney, our upbringing and even our friends, how many of them tell you to “run” if the guy is unemployed?

I am sure that most of my friends and my mother thought I was stupid when I dumped my high earning exH for no security. (No regrets though, with time I have come to be regarded as “brave” but I guess it is just because I “survived” by having a good life after divorce)

I was courted by a very rich man when young, in the days when it was much harder for women to get a well paid job or rise up the career ladder than now (thank heavens). So the big house, the Ferrari, ( which he let me drive) the expensive restaurants had an attraction, got to admit it.

I lasted three dates. When the chips were down, I just wasn’t the stuff whores , sorry, escorts were made of. I managed my career pretty well, and married for love ( no Ferrari, but we achieved a decent lifestyle by our joint efforts).

Yes.

i didn’t marry him for money but I stayed because of that.
I had to deal both with worsening leath leading to me having to stop working and my marriage falling apart more or less at the same time.

Separating would have meant my dcs living in poverty becoming my career whereas by staying they are happy, with friends and at their private school like they were before.

I actually think there are quite a few people who stay in relationship because if the comfort money gives. Just being in a couple and sharing costs can make a huge difference.
And that’s also why I’m always very uncomfortable about the LTB gang on here when the woman doesn’t work, only has a PT job… and is more likely than not ending up struggling a lot financially. Like it or not, there are some downsides to being poor (including for the dcs) and this needs to be balanced with the issues you have in that relationship.

No regrets though, with time I have come to be regarded as “brave” but I guess it is just because I “survived” by having a good life after divorce

The problem is that not everyone manages to have a good life afterwards (many reasons for that tbh) and that, in the mean time, the dcs might well be suffering a lot.

Plus you might the end up in a situation like the thread here recently where the dcs just want to go and live with dad all the time because he has money, no sharing of the bedrooms etc… and the mother just can’t afford to give them that.

Only a fool would marry a farmer for money 😂on paper DH is/ will be rich but it is all land/farm/ assets which will never be sold. Cold hard cash coming into the bank I earn more. Even though our salaries aren't that high we are quite comfortable I think.

A colleagues granny told her, never marry for love only money. Love can grow but if it doesn't you'll still have the money! Or something like that. Tbf that lady was probably born early 1900s in the west of Ireland which was still very poor at the time. A decent house, feeding your kids and lighting the fire when you want was probably her idea of a rich man

No but we were young. I was in a bar job and he was just starting out in his career. Many years in, he is earning mega buck's and I'm still in a dead end job. I'm well aware of what I would lose if we were no longer together. I better start saving incase he leaves me. 🤣🤣

I have a high earning DP that I’ve refused to marry because I want him to keep everything he has earned and paid for and I want my kids to inherit the lot. So I’ve done the complete opposite lol.

No, I was in a better position when we got together. Now he earns slightly more than me, but I have a slightly bigger stake in the house should we separate. It all feels very equal although his low level spending on unnecessary small items drives me up the wall. Nothing major and definitely not worth getting into an argument over.

I'm probably the tighter of us in the relationship. My inlaws think I'm really mean with money, but I'd rather be sensible with money and have a holiday abroad that spunk it all on plastic tat from gift shops that breaks after an hour

Not for money but job was a factor. I’m a professional on a 6 figure salary, and it was important to me that I was with someone on the same level intellectually and also on a good salary.

Not so much. But I only entered into rationships with people with good finances and a secure job.

Yes, this

This makes zero sense at all

No, but I sometimes wish I had been less idealistic in following my (low pay sector) vision, and dating pool to match.

As in, paid more attention to my own income and future financial comfort, as well as including ‘is he solvent / providing for his future?’ as a factor.

No. There are several words for women who live off men, none of them pleasant.

I wouldn’t have married someone who wasn’t solvent.

I can’t make any sense of this.

No, but I stayed longer because of financial stability. He was a tight ass though, I was embarrassed to even bring people to the house.
Much happier now on my own, with no spare money at the end of the month!

No, but I wish I did!

I love DH very much, and we are by no means struggling but sometimes I do wish I'd married some high flying millionaire

No my DH was poor but we probably stayed together when we shouldn't have because of the financial issues splicing would have caused.

I don't think anyone's goings to admit to deliberately setting out to marry for money, but it is amazing how financial security seems to give men more options in the dating world 😆

It’s absolutely not about this! It’s about finding someone at parity with your own earnings or earning potential, for me.

No but I hope your article goes well.

HTH

No, we were very young when we first got together and I don't think it mattered whether he and his family had money or not, it just mattered that I felt like I belonged. At that stage in my life, I had lived through feast (private senior education) and famine ((hunting for coppers down the back of the sofa to buy milk when I was about 6 yrs) in a short period of time, and my home life didn't improve when we had money... I still experienced mental abuse no matter what the circumstances were, and so I realised that money shouldn't factor into it.

Quite fortuitously, it turned out he has an excellent head for finances and we are very financially comfortable and always will be. We are aligned in our financial goals and aspirations, I don't think we'd have lasted if we hadn't been as equally driven in our early careers.

Ironically at the time my husband and I got together, I was being relentlessly pursued by a school friend whose family are extremely wealthy. He took it quite badly that I didn't reciprocate his feelings, and almost immediately love bombed and married the next girl he managed to trap in the first year of university. He's had multiple marriages and subsequent divorces all on the grounds of him being an abusive and controlling dick, and because his family are more than aware he's like that, he's never had a penny of his own to be able to lose in said divorces... lucky fucking escape I think. No amount of country homes, first class travel and Range Rovers could have made up for the life I would've endured with that man if I'd been stupid enough to marry him for money.

I married a geek with a good career and financial stability, which was exactly what I wanted in a partner.

What aspect? The children are the beneficiaries of the will. They will inherit everything when he dies.