Is it my imagination or are volunteers less forthcoming these days?

[Limesaregreen]

Have name changed. My youngest has left school now but I still get the odd call to 'help out'. Now when they were at school I was more than happy to help out, sat on the PTA at both primary and secondary, extra pair of hands on school trips, sports trips, school concerts, cycle proficiency etc. etc. as did loads of the other Mums and Dads whether they worked or not.
After my youngest left nursery, I heard that certain things that used to happen, no longer did in the same way (nursery eventually closed as no-one volunteered to be on the committee to run it). Cycling proficiency no longer happened after youngest left school as no-one wanted to get involved. Very few school trips seem to happen now and high school is struggling to get people to help for prom night and end of year show (hence the call).
I've said I'm not available. I've done my time and moved on and feel no guilt about that, it's for current parents to step up to the mark. But is this the new norm now??? What's it like for those still with kids at various ages in school??

I was chatting to some friends with older kids yesterday (my own DD is just a preschooler) and they said that the pandemic school closures have profoundly changed the way they viewed the relationship between school and home. As they see it, school wasn’t there for them at that time, and they now feel much less of a sense of duty about propping it up as an institution. There’s also a lot more distance there now generally, with most things being done over Zoom/Parent Pay/email etc so ‘school’ as a place seems more remote and inaccessible. I think they’d be more inclined to step up and volunteer if things felt more open, welcoming and community oriented.

I think this is very true. A lot of people have started to see that the effort in any of these organisations is one way and they're just not willing to do it anymore. In our PTA, we raised a LOT of money but when a few of us asked for an update on how the money was being spent and when it would be spent as it was all happening very slowly (note, we weren't asking for input into HOW it was spent).... well, let's just say it didn't go well. Apparently we had no right to ask this question.

I was (am) a sahp and did a fair bit in school when dc were little. They went out a lot and I was always available as an extra pair of hands. Also did my fair share at Rainbows and Brownies. But I don't want to do this now that my own dc aren't benefitting - it's the turn of those parents whose kids still attend! I'm also a bit busier now with my parents getting older etc.

If I'm honest, I think that most people don't want to do big 'professional' roles for free and nor should they. Especially if it is taken for granted.All the time schools can rope in parents to run everything, it means the govt doesn't have to fund them properly. Big Society was just an excuse not to pay people fairly for their time snd maybe more volunteers have cottoned into that now.

And a lot of things that volunteers got roped into weren't always necessary or valued so o think people, post covid, aren't so willing to just do it anyway for a quiet life. Even when my dc were much smaller, so many parents really didn't want to do bake sales etc and would much rather have set up a direct debit for a few quid each month and been spared the constant requests from school to take part in various activities. Sounds a bit killjoy but it was true.

I helped set up a playgroup when my children were small, volunteered many years for the PTA at primary school and helped out occasionally at Brownies, Cubs etc. Less so when they were at secondary school. I was working too, during that time.

More recently I’ve been a school community governor, worked in a library and did the training for CAB. It’s cost me money and time. Time, I have, but not the money to spend on courses. There’s also little flexibility and I don’t want to be told that I can’t have time off, when I want it. Especially when those people telling me I can’t, are paid employees.

I did loads of volunteering in my 30s and 40s. I arguably have far more time to give now and I could do with something "constructive" to put it towards, but volunteering holds no appeal at all now. I can't put my finger on why.

I have and still do a lot of volunteering and agree with all the points from PP.

I think we are also facing an issue where many can't afford to volunteer. Unless it's local it often costs money ie. petrol to get there, lunch etc and rarely is the whole amount refunded. I am sure people who volunteer for things like scouts spend a lot their own time and money creating resources etc.

I also think historically the majority of volunteers have been women who now work as well as taking on most of the mental/work load at home so do not have the time and energy.

I would like to add that I think sometimes volunteering is used where actually paid staff should be doing the work. My local care home is always looking for volunteers but they are a private company!

I'm not really surprised society is turning away from these things when we are being told there is no need for face to face connection, everyone can work from home and the shock and horror that people exhibit when told that they may have to interact with other people in an office. We've played that game, and a selfish insular society is our prize.

I can't see myself forgiving society for how it treated me during the pandemic so my volunteering days are over

I volunteer for things. I run a girls football session now. I got a team together, we did the education and learned how to do it just before we did the job. I also organise volunteers for the school events occasionally. I don't have a problem recruiting, but it is vital the organisation asks very clearly for something specific. Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time limited. So many places treat volunteer time as though it is valueless.

I can’t volunteer in school hours as I work but we do volunteer for our village social committee. We give up hours and hours of our time every week and every time we arrange an even there are complaints and “helpful” suggestions on FB from people who never volunteer a second. We even got a bad review on Google ffs. The most recent complaint was that the lovely brass band that performed for us for free at the weekend hadn’t (yet!) played the national anthem 🙈.

I've just resigned from a volunteering post because tbh, whatever I did didn't really seem appreciated and they were piling more and more stuff onto me that I hadn't signed up to do! It all just got too much, never mind the fact my day job is busy and stressful, I just woke up one day and thought why am I adding even more stress to my life?

I also think my generation (30's) and younger are naturally more selfish. Instagram and exotic, flash holidays are 'cool' volunteering isn't.

When I was on the PTA, I found that I was quite happy to listen to complaints/advice/suggestions from people who were engaged and active. But I had zero time for the ones who whinged but couldn't even be bothered to bring a bottle for the tombola or whatever.

I also think that volunteering is often mostly women - with the possible exception of boys sports clubs where dads sometimes step up as coaches (but not to man the tea table or organise the logistics).

And it might be that this is just another thing that as women we're tired of. I have a DS in year 6. The leavers WhatsApp group which is discussing plans, activities, where help is needed etc is ALL women. On the last begging message I wanted to say, "perhaps someone's husband or partner could step up?" but I knew that I'd a) look like "that" woman and b) that people would say they are answering for themselves AND their partners. But it's bollocks - the women are expected to do the volunteering. The man's role inevitably, at best, is to have the DC while she is doing that volunteering.

My kids are no longer in primary school so I don't have to volunteer my time for that sort of thing any more but I have done voluntary work for charities before. Since last year I had to stop as my business became so full on over lockdown that I had no time. DH and I do volunteer as a foster home for dogs now as we can fit it around our work (dogs come to our office) but I know the rescue we work with struggle to find enough fosters for the amount of dogs coming in. People are very busy nowadays. It's a shame as so many of us have MH issues now and helping other people is really good for that.

I used to help at a local Brownies and they were fine for me to have my child there too (DS who was 4 at the time). I guess people just can't be bothered.

I was happy to join the parents committee at our primary school but turns out they meet at 9.15am when I’m at work! No after school meetings at all so I couldn’t help

My issue is generally other people. I was heavily involved in a school based fundraising/ organising project last year as a parent. It was so awful, that I vowed never again.

I worked full time so didn't do a lot of volunteering. I would go on a school trip if my DS was going if I could get the time off work.

My DF did loads. He was retired but it took up a lot of time.

I think there is more expectation on volunteers now and most people are working or tired of the constant fund raising.

I'm exhausted by community at the moment. Living without a community and just doing my own thing has done me good.

If you read the posts of people who do volunteer most are doing it on top of working as I have always done.
My mother always volunteered and so did I. Most of my volunteering was around school both PTA and governors. I have also done other community volunteering such as tribunals.
If you look around at things your children are involved in much will be run by volunteers. Sports coaching, cubs and brownies, DofE, playgroups.

Both of my DC now adults also volunteer. One does some coaching and the other visits the elderly in a befriending scheme.
Perhaps it's a value that we should encourage more in young people.

I was a section assistant at beavers for years also helped with cubs and scouts as required. And Brownies. Left once my children passed that age. Used to hear children read and help on school trips when I worked less hours. Again I have no children in primary school so that has stopped.

these days I am a volunteer run leader and run director at parkrun. Just joined the social committee for my running club. This is what currently interests me. Typically tho it’s always the same people volunteering at parkrun…

Oh and in a couple of weeks I’m helping to set up a charity event locally. Fair number of people happy to shake buckets not many willing to be there at 6am to do the grunt work

Pta meetings always seem to happen at 8pm at night. That is dds bedtime and I can't go along. Kids are not able to go anyway and I don't have anyone to watch them while my husbands away working.

I don't want to man a stall on sports day, I want to watch my kid at sports day. I am happy to help out with school trips where possible but with one in nursery in the mornings, I can't be away all day on a school trip as I don't have anyone to collect her.

Volunteering for school can be expensive depending on what you're role is. One parent was recently out £160 for costs towards something and is still waiting to be reimbursed. I've found that if I volunteer, my 3 year old can't be there but I don't have anyone to watch her so I don't volunteer.

When i was a guide half the guiders in the division had no children either due to infertility or never marrying. It was quite acceptable for childless women to volunteer for childrens activities.

Now I am treated with suspicion, have my motives questioned etc which is ridiculous as the ability to have a child doesnt innoculate a person from being a child abuser

On a thread on mumsnet awhile ago some people were quite happy to jump in and say adults who actively wanted to spend time with children were clearly grooming them. One user went so far as to say a childless poster who had toys in her house for a nephew to play with was clearly suspicious and up to no good, its okay for a grandparent (aka someone who has had children) but not a childless aunt or uncle to own childrens toys

Yet people without children have more time to volunteer. They dont have issues around bedtimes and childcare etc

So if parents want to see childrens volunteer led activities continue maybe they need to stop alienation a good proportion of the people who have kept them going for years.

I love working with children, especially teenage girls, spending time with them makes me happy and im good with them. But i am currently on the committee of an adult organisation, may soon volunteer for a committee for another one but thats it, no more childrens activities.

They say it takes a village to raise a child but sadly some of us are no longer welcome in that village

It may be that when I am retired and no longer seem so threatening i would be welcome again, who knows. I wont be trying though

I volunteered for a local community cafe a few months ago, I told her when I could work to fit around my caring duties, she said that's fine, after a few weeks she started wanting me to do a lot more than I signed up for and also work longer hours including going in at 7.30am to bake pies and cakes before they opened at 10am (my usual start time) and felt she was taking the absolute piss so left.

They're now struggling to replace me and made several fb posts asking for volunteers, so maybe treat the ones you had a bit better 🤔

The move towards a longer "working day/week" in many sectors won't help either. If both parents are working 9-5 then one parent is likely to free to volunteer after this but if parents are working around each other there's no one home to do childcare for a younger sibling for evening volunteering at a club attended by one of the children. I'd much rather volunteer with a sports club than attempt to amuse a bored 3 year old - but I've got no option.

Most of my volunteering is linked to a sport - and involves weekends away, with expenses at least. It's tough to fit around DH's work schedule (monthly weekends) - same goes for any regular commitments that aren't from home or child friendly!

I looked to volunteering so I could get a recent reference after being a stay at home parent for many years.

One volunteer post, which seemed to consist of surfing the internet to deal with online CAB enquiries, asked for two recent work type references so that was out.

Also some volunteering posts want the moon on a stick, all unpaid. A petting farm was looking for volunteers to start at 7:30 am getting the animals ready (difficult if you have to do the school run) and then do other tasks in the day, including transporting the animals about to events. I thought this was a bit cheeky!

I’m doing volunteer work for the council to do with the countryside and I really enjoy it (and not for the reference!). The council makes sure everyone has the right training safety equipment, support and encouragement.

Thing is it’s ok saying people who volunteer work too but each individual is different.

During school hours I’m working, then I’ve got three children at home. Only one who’s old enough to be left alone. Not many things you volunteer to help with apart from say guides want children present. So that rules out from between when school finishes to when dh gets home. However he randomly works till 9pm some nights if required on only a weeks notice and some times Saturdays. So the only day 100% would be free regularly would be Sunday but if we have been busy all week that’s the day family wants to visit or we get to take the children out.

places want regular commitment not well I can help maybe once a fortnight or month but I’ll have to let you know because honestly if we are offered extra money to work more hours the money trumps giving up time for free.

but I think another significant one is that we’re increasingly atomised and insular, and plenty of people just can’t see any value in building a community beyond their own front door.

This is a really good point.
I see it so much on MN, on all sorts of threads, where people won't even open their door to a neighbour or take a parcel in, and people count the number of lifts they give to someone and label them as CFers if a family could do with a bit of help sometimes, or if a family is audacious enough to accept an invitation for their child to go and play at someone else's house even if they aren't able to invite back at that time.
I don't see it in real life, but maybe that's because I am friends with a lot of the people who are also volunteering at the same thing, or I am just friends with people who have similar outlook on life as I do.