Panicking about adult child

[freshpatchouli]

Please help me, I'm going out of my mind worrying that my only child son will be alone as an adult.

You need to see a GP.

Family is what we choose for ourselves. People have kids for their own selfish reasons. I don’t have siblings, am happy about that, only have minimal contact with 1 other relative, and am blissfully childfree and love my family that I chose to make. Our anecdotes don’t seem to be helping you, it seems like you need urgent medical attention.

Thank you everyone. I am reading.

OP, I'm an only child and very happy.

Both my parents and my DH come from big families and they all have dysfunctional relationships with at least one of their siblings. Siblings are not the be-all and end-all, I promise.

DH's oldest sibling lives round the corner from us - we can see her house from our back window - they haven't spoken in over a decade and probably wouldn't recognise each other in the street.

Being an only child has lots of advantages - there is no sibling drama, no worries about who is the favourite child, no arguments about childcare or which set of grandchildren is being prioritised over the others.

As a child, I went through phases of wanting a sibling, but as an adult, I am incredibly glad I don't have all that drama in my life!

Please do reach out to your gp, @freshpatchouli

Happy to continue chatting to you but it does seem like you're experiencing a mental health crisis and your gp can support you to get better.

Is anyone still able to chat please?

Hello. I am only child and have friends & family. Having a sibling isn’t always great.

I think as a parent you always worry but you might be better speaking to someone professional to help you put things into perspective.

sending hugs

Thank you. I'm obsessed in my head with turning the clock back and playing out out things would be now if I'd done things differently.

You might benefit from some talking therapy to discuss this. Regrets are not uncommon but too much focus on the past just ruins the present.

If he’s an only child they don’t know any different.
I have 2 friends who have only children, both now 21/22 . They’re sociable, have wide circles of friends, jobs, just graduating Uni. They had the normal teenage angsts growing up, one of them had parents divorce and brought up mainly by mum, dad quite controlling of both of them. Both youngsters are a pleasure to know, absolutely well balanced young people.

Does he have any cousins? Close friends? Having 2 children is no guarantee they would have been there for one another, one could move to Australia or they may not have gotten along at all.

My cousin was one of two but sadly their sibling died as a young adult. Me and my brother and sister will always be there for them as a cousin/sibling hybrid and their friends will always be there for them even though they no longer have that sibling

Thanks for these comments. That's the big problem. The extended family are dysfunctional and nasty. I didn't realise when my son was young as I was so in the middle of it all. Now It's just us and I hate myself for not realising.

Theres nothing to say that siblings will get on. Plenty go NC as adults.
I think youre seeing lots of 2 children about because its half term and lots of families make the most of that, but I know loads of people who are only children, loads of people who have one child, or no children.
Your set-up is not unusual

Try and enjoy your child.
I wissh I had been an only for many reasons, the main one being that my parents were not very good at distributing love and attention equally.
Almost everyone I know has troubled relationships with sibs.
I used to think this was because Irish catholic families were too big but I see it amonst my English (non religieous) friends' families.
At best they will have a sibling that they get on with as long as they are careful not to upset them!!

OP, you sound very fixated on the idea that another child would solve all the worries you have now. Like you think that siblings will always be super close and best mates - but tbh most aren't, even ones who like each other just fine.

What I'm not seeing is any evidence that your son is lonely or having social problems - from the title of the thread I was expecting a post about a son who's never had a relationship and doesn't appear to have any friends, but all I'm seeing is your anxiety about something that you can't change and that there doesn't seem to be any evidence is actually a problem.

You don't need to have had another child, you need to see a gp about this invasive anxiety.

@freshpatchouli when did you go no contact? I wonder if you're going through a grieving period

@freshpatchouli you've got 4 pages of posts from people who say they are an only child, no problem for them, or that siblings moved away, all fine. What more do you want from this thread??

Why not ask your son what he thinks of the situation??

@Flederjo I hope as soon as bh is over she will ring her gp and make an urgent appointment but in the meantime I think she's trying to manage overwhelming anxiety and, possibly, trauma

OP, you can't put the clock back and even if you could who knows what would have happened along the way. All you can do is try and make the most of what you have now.

I'm an only child. The only reason I'd want a sibling is due to the fact my DM is difficult and it'd be nice if someone else could share the load (no guarantees that one). DH is one of four, he has contact with all of them, but they don't speak to eachother.

DD is an only child (just never managed to have another). I think she'd have liked a sibling when she was younger, but she says it doesn't bother her now. She's out there living her life and I'm pleased for her.

You really need to speak to your GP as soon as you can.

Anyone else have any reassuring stories please?

Thank you to everyone who has replied.

Concentrate on friends if family aren't reliable, good friends can be as important as family in someone's life. X

I’m not an only child, I have a brother but we live on opposite sides of our country and we have no contact expect happy Birthday and Merry christmas. I have my own family now and dear friends and I’m not alone. I moved as far as I could from my family and it was best decision I Made.

@OP have you spoken to your GP?

I think you are overreacting somewhat. I am an only child and am not worried about what will happen when my DF is no longer here - and I have no partner or children, which your DS may well have at some stage. I am happy with my life as it is. My exDH has one brother and they haven't spoken a word in over 20 years, having siblings doesn't necessarily mean you will keep in contact.

@freshpatchouli reassuring about what, OP? There are tons of reassuring posts on here about being an only child. You need to talk to your son....he's probably perfectly happy as an only child, how should he know different?