Anyone else in a living situation they hadn't prepared for?

[Spaghag]

When we bought our 3 bed end terraced house 12 years ago we had 2 DS's and were trying for another DC.

At that point we had moved 3 times in 10 years - from a flat, to a 3 bed in a less desirable area, to the 3 bed we are in now. We honestly thought that by this point in our lives we would be in a nice 4 bed.

Neither of us has lost our jobs, neither has had a career set back. However we now find ourselves in our 3 bed terrace with a 24 year old DS, 21 year old DS & a 10 year old DD. Neither DS can afford to move out as despite working full time, rents on the cheapest flat in the area are around £1k per month. Each has a wage of around £24k which is very good for their age in this area.

The cheapest 4 bed is approximately £100k out of our reach.

Added stress (so I don't get accused of drip feeding) is that DS1 & DD are autistic meaning they need their own space. I know people say don't have kids you can't afford to house but how were we supposed to foresee this all those years ago?

Anyone else in the same situation?

Is an extension possible at all, to make an extra room for one of the kids?

Can you buy a bigger house with your adult children part-owners?

Unfortunately not. We did apply for planning permission for a loft conversion but were turned down. Others in the cul de sac have also applied & been rejected.

What a pain! I understand where you’re coming from, I have 3dc too and all are autistic and or adhd. Luckily two are happy to share but one of them absolutely needs his own space. I hope you can get something sorted.

Possibly yes. But would worry about that tieing them down for the next 20 years.

You can't get your own mortgage if your income is already counted on someone else's can you?

most loft conversions don’t need planning as they fall under permitted development rules. Are you in a conservation area?

Can't they move into house shares? I couldn't have afforded £1k on my first years working; everyone just rented a room.

No but we have no actual lift as such. The properties are built with a flat roof so putting the usual v shaped roof on requires planning permission.

Loft not lift.

Maybe. I don't think that's a great solution for DS1 who is autistic & can be a difficult housemate. Realistically it's probably how DS2 will leave home.

It's just nowhere near what we'd envisaged or planned for.

Why can't your two boys flat share?? I don't quite get why you need to buy up to accommodate 2 working lads who really should be moving out shortly and getting to understand costs of running a place--

Or accept they can’t live locally, that they need to look further afield to find somewhere they can afford. How long can they go on living with you, feasibly?

We have 2 adult dc and 2 teenagers living in the home. We do ahve four beds though and long ago turned the downstairs front room into a bedroom, so fortunately they do have their own space. I don't expect any of them to leave anytime soon though except the younger two to go to Uni as house prices are out of their reach and rents very expensive.

Could your elder 2 rent somewhere together? Or buy somewhere together as a way to get on the ladder?

We are fairly rural. DS1 doesn't drive (and probably never will). Cheaper areas are a good 50 miles away at least.

I guess in time maybe this will happen.

DS1 is autistic, can't tell time on an anologue clock or tie shoelaces. He does work, and does very well as his job is unsociable hours & repetitive.

DS2 is NT. I'm not sure making him responsible for his brother at 21 is the way forward.

Sorry @Spaghag , I totally missed that detail on first read. That does complicate things somewhat, it's not easy flatsharing at the best of times and it must be even trickier if you have autism/needs that don't quite work with shared space/strangers.

In reality I think our particular problem will be solved by DS2 doing just this with a friend.

What about a garden office room? My neighbour has a decent one set up that can be used in the evening and in winter with proper lighting and heating etc., it's effectively another room.

That's actually a really good call. Thank you for the suggestion.

One of my friends bought a house with his brother to get them both on the ladder so that they werent wasting money on rent. I think only one of them lived there but then they’ve sold the place after five years made a bit of a profit enough to give them both a decent deposit to put down on the house is that brought with their partners.

In fairness, the problem is not that you can't afford a 4 bed house (many people can't). It's the fact that you have two adult children living at home beyond the age where it is practical.

It is not a hardship for a 21 year old with a decent job to move out and live in a shared house. It is normal and actually healthy to do so. And you will then have space for your older son to live at home longer, which is great.

Did you envision your children staying at home forever? Do you think that would be a good idea?

Can your internal walls of the house be reconfigured at all, so take a bit off your bedroom and add it to the boys bedroom so theirs can be split into 2? Or a bedroom be created downstairs?

The 24 year old will be eligible for housing benefit at 25. They need to start looking for a house share

No, I don't think I did.

I just guess I hoped there would be that option.

As said above, I do think DS2 will flat share with friends eventually. It just doesn't help that there is very little rental in this area which pushes prices up. DS2 also did go to Uni in autumn 2019, but came back due to Covid pushing everything online & taking away the social element.