What makes a man a loser in life?

[SouthMan28]

Just wondering what do think makes a man a loser in life?

I think drugs and unemployment is a given really, that's rock bottom. Most men are gainfully employed and not addicts.

However I find debt to be a real turn off, having a decently paid profession but being broke every month because of it would make me pause. Particularly when that debt is due to incredibly stupid decisions (pay day loans, financing a pricey car, out of control credit card spending).

Also slightly related to this, cheapness. I really don't have time for a man who penny-pinches and keeps tabs. I like to spend my money freely, I live within my means, this means I live quite simply in respect of housing etc, but then like to eat out and get coffee when I like. It's the simple things for me.

Oh god and gaming. I know a woman whose husband is big into games and comics and has a vast collection of memorabilia that takes over their living space. Absolutely not.

A man who walk away from his children with no regard for them

This

For me, a 'loser' is someone who doesn't face up to their responsibilities or shoulder their fair share of the burden in life.

There are 'losers' who are unemployed and 'losers' who are on half a million. Common traits include being incapable of looking after their own children, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, supporting themselves financially or generally 'adulting'.

There are losers of both sex, but a not uncommon characteristic of male losers is that they seek to offload their responsibilities onto the women in their lives. There was a recent thread on here about an ex-step dad who had relied on his teenage ex-stepdaughter to do him a favour and babysit, but then made a huge fuss about reimbursing her for the cost of soft play and lunch (let alone actually paying her for her time). This despite being a high earner. Definitely a loser imo! Women can also behave like this but it is rarer because they tend to be socialised into accepting their role as carers.

You don't sound like a loser at all to me... just another hardworking person having a tough time due to the low wages, high cost of housing and increased cost of living in the UK.

I would argue some disabilities/ health issues/ cancer/ extreme bereavement are excuses not to work.

Money doesn't make the man.

If you're a hard worker, a good partner, a caring friend and a devoted parent (when the time comes) then you are a respectable, good man. Not everyone is destined for big careers and monetary successes. And that's OK.

There is nothing more loser-like than a man doesn't do his share of parenting his dc or housework imo.

Nothing wrong with working on a low wage.

You are never going to be a loser if you are a kind, decent man who treats other people well and does his best to get on with life and keep a roof other his head.

For me a loser would be someone who displays this type of behaviour: is abusive/aggressive/violent, lies, breaks the law, manipulates, has no respect for others, has low standards of hygiene, is addicted to porn, does not take care of his kids, is violent towards women, has no interests/passions in life, blames others for his mistakes and never takes any responsibility for his actions.

Many people are on a low wage and do an essential/valuable job and have to work extremely for it. It is never a sign that you are a ''loser''.

If you come across a potential partner who dismisses you and calls you a loser because of your job, ignore them and count yourself lucky they have shown you their true, ugly self...

I should have added to my previous message drug and alcohol addiction that the person is not willing to address and find treatment for is another sign of a loser for me.

@Ihatethenewlook ''Anything less than very short term unemployed. There’s no excuse to not have a job.'' That is of course absolute nonsense. There can be very good reasons not to have a job during particular periods of your life, they are called illness, disability, caring responsibilities, long-term mental health issues, studying full-time/retraining and moving to a new city/town/country...

I think not stepping up to your responsibilities especially when expecting a women to sleep with you but not supporting them if they become pregnant then repeating this again with another partner

Probably an old fashioned view

A loser to me is someone who avoids accountability for their own mistakes and failings, and critical thinking. This could be someone dealt the toughest possible hand, or someone with every opportunity in the world (Prince Andrew springs to mind). The key is to reflect on how to do your best towards other people, be resilient in your own goals, have integrity and to keep going.

In your case, none of the things you mention make you a loser at all. Get on the council waiting list for one thing, social housing is meant to provide secure accommodation to people who aren't in a position to buy.

You're working, and want to do more. That's great, you have ambition. If you want to study then 29 is certainly not too old. I'm retraining in uni at 36. Do you know what you want to do? Not everyone has a specific vocation. Thousands of people simply get their foot in the door of whatever industry they can, in an entry level position (which it sounds like you're doing) and then find out what opportunities are available in that industry, what skills and experience they need, and work their way up.

Anyone who considers a man a loser because he doesn't earn lots of money is a pathetic imbecile. In my experience, it's often the worst kinds of men who end up rich – the greedy, selfish, materialistic, status-hungry little snobs.

A loser:

1. Remains a selfish, spoiled brat all his life
2. Is incapable of putting others first
3. Never feels sorry for anyone (the old man next door whose wife has died, for example, or a 12-year-old girl with cancer)
4. Doesn't take responsibility for his failures
5. Can't admit when he's wrong
6. Can't laugh at himself
7. Whines and feels sorry himself
8. Bullies people weaker than himself
9. Allows others to bully him
10. Is incapable of holding a sensible, grown-up conversation
11. Doesn't listen when other people talk (because only his opinions matters)
12. Runs away from illness and death (i.e abandons people when they need him)
13. Behaves like a little boy (throws tantrums, has to be in charge, has to know everything, expects constant praise, laughs at horrible adolescent jokes, sits cross-legged while he plays video games, sulks when he loses or doesn't get his own way, constantly shows off and mansplains)
14. Generally isn't there when loved ones need him (when his sister loses her job, for example, or his wife has had a bad day)
15. Thinks he's too good for work and lives off his partner
16. Let's his partner shoulder all the burdens while he indulges unrealistic fantasies (of being a musician, a footballer, a writer)
17. Is rude to people in low status jobs (waitresses, spotty teenagers in McDonalds)
18. Escapes into drink and drugs because he can't face reality
19. Uses vulnerable women for sex/takes advantage
20. Boasts about his sexual 'conquests'
21. No self-awareness and thus totally incapable of changing or growing or correcting his faults.

Thinking about it, I'd say it usually come down to immaturity. Most of the traits that make a man a loser can be traced back to that. Selfishness, irresponsibility, lack of empathy, and so on, are all signs of a man-child or kidult. Some men remain nasty, silly little boys their entire life.

@SouthMan28
I am finding this book an interesting read.
www.amazon.co.uk/Soulful-Simplicity-Living-Less-Lead/dp/0143130684/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=57090515881&gclid=Cj0KCQjw4uaUBhC8ARIsANUuDjULaPzmBN00m3zHW_A_rGqTUy3F2jGT1xQ7fhmYSWlIRljVBn-kZlYaAjk2EALw_wcB&hvadid=259101408421&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=1007043&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=2665591884223993054&hvtargid=kwd-338714383439&hydadcr=21639_1763690&keywords=soulful+simplicity&qid=1654260935&sr=8-1
At one point she quotes someone as saying " you can either be shiny and admired or real and loved"
Maybe some of the things you think you need to not be a loser are in the "shiny and admired" category rather than the real category. Maybe you don't actually need them at all but actually need to make peace with your "realness'.

So because you have kids and a low wage job but lived independently since 16, you think someone doing an extremely demanding academic course is a loser because they still live in their family home? Talk about a chip on your shoulder. With that attitude do you really think you're suited for community support work?

Incidentally, if you get a raging toothache that keeps you awake crying, you may well come to be very pleased some people stayed living at home into their twenties and trained in core professions like dentistry.

Yet you think it's fine to shame someone on a low wage who can't necessarily afford to live alone in this day and age. Not sure who you think you are to be honest.

I doubt many 23 year olds are looking to date someone with 3 kids, so you should be OK.

Any man who harms others. Specifically women and children.

22? Thinks he's achieved success because of talent and 'hard work' and judges others who haven't and doesn't realise they've not had the advantages and the 'heavy lifting' done by his cirucmstances.