What makes a man a loser in life?

[SouthMan28]

Just wondering what do think makes a man a loser in life?

That'll be most people then.

My ds lives with us at 24 and he's no loser

On its own, being a low earner does not make a man (or woman) a loser.

When I think loser, the following comes to mind:

Sex pest
Dead beat dad
Chronic unemployment
Addict (of any sort)
Sexist / abuser
Shallow - in looks and personality
Far right or far left political leaning

A man in his early 20s, in this day and age, is NOT a loser if they are studying and or working and paying their way.

@SouthMan28 in a way, the fact that you are asking this question demonstrates that you are not a 'loser'. You are holding down a steady job and are thinking about how to make more of your life (otherwise you wouldn't be on here). IMO a man that takes responsibility for himself is not a loser, whatever his current situation.

Don't agree with that. It's incredibly hard for a single person to afford housing costs alone if they are on a low wage. I could only afford to buy a house because my ex husband is contributing a lot of money in maintenance while I'm the RP of our DS.

I'm a guy in my late twenties and live at home out of financial necessity as I'm studying Dentistry as a second degree.
What prestigious career are you in ? ..

Unemployed uneducated no ambition no sense of humor

OP
Are you worried you're not making enough money?
If so, focus on that. You're asking a social question that isn't linked?

I won't lie, I will never fully make peace with the fact I couldn't be more successful or make more money. But for me it's reality, so 99% of the time, I don't think about it.

You sound like you can still make more money. Is that what you want?

Op I understand it can feel like there’s an expectation on men to be successful, to be “the provider”. You see it on here (although pleasantly, not on this thread). It can feel like we’re not living up to what’s expected of us. However, it’s bollocks.

It’s not about the £ or the stuff you have. You’re no loser.

Having a low income doesn't make someone a loser!

Treating other people badly consistently and not trying to change however...

@Ihatethenewlook and @catlovingdoctor I am female and was still living at home in my late twenties. Now have reasonable financial stability as I trained for a high paying career, but money is not what life is about, though it helps not to constantly worry about money. It is about having people you care about, curiosity and learning new things, being a decent human.

@SouthMan28, so you are working full time, doing your best, probably being a decent person, and because you arent well paid you feel like a loser? I want to give you a hug and a wee kick up the jacksie. You arent a loser, you're a normal human being plodding away and living a life millions are living and millions would want to live.

Give yourself a break and try to be kind to yourself.

Long term unemployed. If I met someone who was currently between jobs because of redundancy but had a history of being in work, that wouldn't put me off at all. If they hadn't worked in years I'd run a mile. Willingness to work and ability to keep a job is far more important than the size of the pay packet.

Having children they don't support financially or generally bother with - nope. Red flag.

Any sort of addiction. Drink, drugs, gambling. Any sort of criminal record.

This might be a personal thing but if I visited their house and it was a total mess/dirty I would run for the hills. I would not want a partner who couldn't be bothered to clean up after themselves.

OP, you don't sound like a loser. My dad never earned very much but he loved his job and was as far from a loser as it's possible to be.

Someone in full time employment, no matter what they earn is not a loser. Think just back to the pandemic, supermarket workers, drivers, porters etc were seen as hero's not losers.

Being on a low wage doesn’t make you a loser.

My list is kind of bloke who leers at schoolgirls or shouts shit at random women. Doesn’t bother with his kids. Lazy around the house. Controlling, abusive.

Nothing to do with money really.

There are plenty of rich losers out there. Don't be too focused on money. Being a decent person and treating others with respect is more important than income and status.

Absolutely not a loser. A person holding down a full-time on a low income has my respect. A trust fund beneficiary with a swanky Instagram lifestyle? I have no respect for that.

The only things that would put me off would be evidence of them treating others badly, be that children, animals or other people.
If they make me laugh, bring something to the relationship (and that does not have to be a job and money), then I don't consider them a loser.
Fucking hell, judging by most of the comments on this thread, I am considered a loser.

I wouldn't think about anyone like that, unless they had serious criminal behaviour or otherwise a total arsehole.

Can you say more about why you are unhappy?

OP, you're going to get a range of responses here. The responses will reflect the values of the poster. What matters most to an individual's happiness, from my perspective, is the extent to which we live in accordance with our values. To some I'll be a loser, and to others i have effectively win the lottery. Identify YOUR values and adjust your life accordingly.

The issue is not what we think, unless you're involving women or children by treating them poorly. The issue is what you think. You've decided that working albeit for a low wage, isn't OK. Matters not what we think.

You need to work out:

Are you depressed?
Would you feel that way whatever you were doing?
Is there something you can change?
Can you find joy in another area of your life?

Stuff like that!

A low income doesn't make you a loser @SouthMan28 . I really like a song called "Simple things" by Paolo Nutini, here's a wee quote:

Oh, my father is a wealthy, self made man
But his wealth does not consist of riches or acres of land
And instead he has a family who are his biggest fans
That's something that I one day hope to have

And so I'll cherish the simple things
The easy took for granted things
Like going 'round my mum's house for my tea
And argue with my sister, only God knows how I missed her
It's the simple things that mean the most to me.

My dad was pretty wealthy when I was a kid. We lived in a beautiful house in a rich neighbourhood. He was also a weapons-grade bastard who beat us up, starved us, wouldn't even let us have a drink of water if he was in one of his moods on a hot day. So he was a loser.

During the pandemic, yes. Before then... they were seen as losers.

To whom? Dickheads? Who cares what they think.

Someone of poor character, who treats others poorly, doesn’t take ownership of their flaws and can’t deal with the basics of everyday life eg budgeting, cleaning, cooking