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Original poster

I was the recipient of unwanted advice from a random man today.

529 replies

Pollydonia · 22/05/2022 20:32

..and actually remembered to say " thanks Random Man !" He just looked confused but another woman near by burst out laughing.
It was in the gym, I was doing my own thing , he tried to tell me to do it " his" way .
Seriously though, I'm 49 so I'm less likely to be intimidated by shit like this. I've also emailed the gym as a heads up .

OP posts:
wellhelloitsme · 22/05/2022 23:27

YeetTheTeets · 22/05/2022 23:23

There's a difference between respectful communication, and getting up in someone's space when they're clearly in their own zone doing their thing, and telling them what to do when the teller knows nothing about that person who was minding their own business not asking for advice.

It was the right thing to do. He's a dick for behaving like that. I can understand if people nod or smile hello politely. But getting in your space - no. Leaning on the equipment you're using - no. Unsolicited and uninformed advice - no.

Hopefully he'll leave you be I'm the future.

Absolutely all of this.

RamsayEaster · 22/05/2022 23:28

Poor guy maybe only wanted to give you some advice and was maybe generally being nice 😞

Singingtherapy · 22/05/2022 23:28

Massive overreaction. It's ok that you found it annoying but do you really not have the capacity to pause, acknowledge that he didn't mean any offence and move on? I also don't get how misandry is ok. If he'd had brown skin would you have said 'thanks random Indian'?

DifficultBloodyWoman · 22/05/2022 23:39

OP, I get it and I think that was a great comeback. Well done.

Herejustforthisone · 22/05/2022 23:39

Jesus Christ. Some of the posts here.

coconuthead · 22/05/2022 23:42

WHY are people defending Random Man?
This happened to me in the gym and I found it infuriating and so so rude. I was forced to defend my 'way', then he started giving me nutritional advice and I felt so uncomfortable i ended up leaving half way through my work out. Its so arrogant and condescending to think some stranger wants your unsolicited advice! I bet he wouldn't go up to another bloke and impart his 'expertise' like that. 😡

DifficultBloodyWoman · 22/05/2022 23:44

Singingtherapy · 22/05/2022 23:28

Massive overreaction. It's ok that you found it annoying but do you really not have the capacity to pause, acknowledge that he didn't mean any offence and move on? I also don't get how misandry is ok. If he'd had brown skin would you have said 'thanks random Indian'?

False equivalency.

Indians are not known for going around and Indian-spraining to people. Men are.

It is not appropriate for A Complete Stranger to approach someone and say ‘you need to do this my way’, especially when you actually know what you are doing (the OP said in a later post she has an approved exercise plan accounting for her own injuries? requirements? whatever?)

OhLordyWhatNow · 22/05/2022 23:46

The Random Man apologists are here in force.

The random man had no need to comment on anything the OP was doing. Why did he think his opinion was required? When it sounds like OP was minding her own business, quietly getting on with her work out, using equipment in the way that suited her...

The OP wasn't rude in any way. The random man was rude for interrupting someone during their work out.

HimalayanSnowcock · 22/05/2022 23:47

YeetTheTeets · 22/05/2022 23:23

There's a difference between respectful communication, and getting up in someone's space when they're clearly in their own zone doing their thing, and telling them what to do when the teller knows nothing about that person who was minding their own business not asking for advice.

It was the right thing to do. He's a dick for behaving like that. I can understand if people nod or smile hello politely. But getting in your space - no. Leaning on the equipment you're using - no. Unsolicited and uninformed advice - no.

Hopefully he'll leave you be I'm the future.

Absolutely this. I'm surprised that there are so many on this thread that think that they are being nice and what's wrong with it. It's the rest of us that have dealt with this shit that see it for what it is. Fuck off random men with your unsolicited advice!

DramaAlpaca · 22/05/2022 23:49

I get it @Pollydonia. Great response.

coconuthead · 22/05/2022 23:50

@Pollydonia it was also at the leg press, I wonder if it's the same random man! Do you live on the south coast Op? 🤣

Redshoeblueshoe · 22/05/2022 23:51

OP - brilliant, I would have probably just told him to fuck off.
well maybe when I was younger

TheOrigRights · 22/05/2022 23:52

Your gym sounds a bit snotty. I'm not a big gym users, but when I have been I would simply have said that I knew what I was doing, or asked him to move.
I wouldn't automatically assume he was being patronising or coming on to me or whatever.

I've had both men and women give me tips on my swim technique. It doesn't bother me.

pedropony76 · 22/05/2022 23:56

readingallthebooks · 22/05/2022 23:15

Well done!!! You are a Mumsnet hero. Random man can fuck off

This is so pathetic😂

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 22/05/2022 23:58

Pollydonia · 22/05/2022 20:32

..and actually remembered to say " thanks Random Man !" He just looked confused but another woman near by burst out laughing.
It was in the gym, I was doing my own thing , he tried to tell me to do it " his" way .
Seriously though, I'm 49 so I'm less likely to be intimidated by shit like this. I've also emailed the gym as a heads up .

I used to row at quite a high level, so understand very well what good and bad form is on the machines, why it matters, and also how to help someone who wants to improve.

I see absolutely terrible things on the rowing machines in the gym, ways of rowing that risk injury or make it nearly a total waste of time, but know not to ever, ever point it out to someone.

It’s hard when someone has a fitness instructor working with them, and he or she is telling them the wrong thing, but what are you going to do?

EmmaH2022 · 23/05/2022 00:09

RamsayEaster · 22/05/2022 23:28

Poor guy maybe only wanted to give you some advice and was maybe generally being nice 😞

Did you read the particular "advice" he gave?

do you go around giving strangers unsolicited advice?

MushyPeasPrincess · 23/05/2022 00:13

YeetTheTeets · 22/05/2022 23:23

There's a difference between respectful communication, and getting up in someone's space when they're clearly in their own zone doing their thing, and telling them what to do when the teller knows nothing about that person who was minding their own business not asking for advice.

It was the right thing to do. He's a dick for behaving like that. I can understand if people nod or smile hello politely. But getting in your space - no. Leaning on the equipment you're using - no. Unsolicited and uninformed advice - no.

Hopefully he'll leave you be I'm the future.

All of this 👍👏

MushyPeasPrincess · 23/05/2022 00:14

RamsayEaster · 22/05/2022 23:28

Poor guy maybe only wanted to give you some advice and was maybe generally being nice 😞

Men who think women need or want their unsolicited and ignorant "advice" are KNOBS.
Stop making excuses for him being a KNOB.

JenniferBarkley · 23/05/2022 01:00

I like the Random Man comment.

I usually go with a pointed stare and "you never would have said that to my husband" but that usually just confuses them.

TheGetaway · 23/05/2022 01:10

and if it been another woman?

Would that have been ok?
Would you have emailed the gym?

rubydoobydoo · 23/05/2022 01:11

Hold on - 120kg? Our leg press machine only goes two plates higher than that and it's used by some pretty big muscly men!

I work out regularly and can only do 72kg!

Glad you didn't pay any attention, sounds like he was trying to cripple you!

CatNameChange101 · 23/05/2022 01:18

Right-o. Unmanned gyms with 24 hour customer service so you now know he’s banned. Makes sense. Don’t know a single gym with that, even the fanciest.

SheilaWilde · 23/05/2022 01:34

Why are people defending Random Man!! Fuck sake. OP didn't ask for his advice or interference so RM should mind his own bloody business. Would RM go round the gym offering advice to other men? Very unlikely.

Stompythedinosaur · 23/05/2022 01:36

Good for you, raising the issue.

Women shouldn't have to put up with this shit.

Dotell · 23/05/2022 01:47

Poor man. OP you should have thanked him and done the 120kg leg press immediately. Silly woman. People pay for that kind of advice. Man knows best.

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