I was the recipient of unwanted advice from a random man today.

[Pollydonia]

..and actually remembered to say " thanks Random Man !" He just looked confused but another woman near by burst out laughing.
It was in the gym, I was doing my own thing , he tried to tell me to do it " his" way .
Seriously though, I'm 49 so I'm less likely to be intimidated by shit like this. I've also emailed the gym as a heads up .

Absolutely.

Surely not: I don't believe you. Why wouldn't you have a clue, it's not exactly complicated?

You simply don't get it. As pp said, this is not like supermarket or a bus ride. You go to the gym to workout. If you workout alone, the etiquette is to keep to yourself. You might nod or smile at the regulars or chat if a piece of equipment has failed but that's it.

It is not nice to have some random bloke walk up while you are concentrating on your workout and give your unsolicited advice. They don't do it to be 'helpful', they do it to feel superior.

Rather than saying 'that never happens' or 'aw, they're just trying to be nice'?

...almost like this is quite common behaviour that a few Random Men indulge in and which gyms know can annoy or intimidate other clients.

This.

The women I know are not ones so fragile and fearful and suspicious of men.

I’m from a different country and this would just be a case of mind you business. All this drama seems so childish. Emailing the gym because someone gave unsolicited advice is just downright weird. I just cannot imagine any woman I know wasting their time doing such nonsense.

If you see every man who speaks to you as a sex pest, who wants to harass you, then you should take a step back and ask why that’s the case.

Jesus who'd be a man eh?
I was in tesco last week and i noticed a man looking a nappies for ages, i said do you need a hand, he said yes, 20 second conversation and that was that.
Little did i realise i probably totally offended him and he would have been posting online about this random woman giving him advice. Or calling me a sex pest and most men posting agreeing with him and telling me to fuck off.

Honestly, some folk here need a word with themselves.

Bloody random men!

Having said that, after years and years of random men giving me unsolicited advice, I decided to take it upon myself to give random and unsolicited advice now.

Occasionally helpful, like while waking my dog I noticed two men working on their car and the car was spluttering and failing to start. Air in the file line I told them. They laughed but the younger one gave me a mint aero about a week later asking how I knew what the problem was, as my completely random guess was correct (yikes!). Turned out the mechanic forgot to put an o ring back on the fuel line. Oopsy daisy.

Occasionally unhelpful, like “g’day sir, smileeeeeeee’.

When I was 15 this old creepy man kept coming into a shop I worked at and always told me he loves it when I smile. I got fired because he called me a horrid little who*e because I told him that I love it when he’s not there creeping me out. I loved teenage me!

You did the right thing OP. He could be a frequent pest.

Don’t worry about any ridicule on here, you were right to email them, he shouldn’t be watching what you’re doing let alone approach you.

The problem with that approach is that the guy is likely to view this as an invitation to argue back and offer his opinion on why the OP did need his advice. I think the OPs response was pretty good as an on the spur one, and doesn't seem likely to result in further engagement. It's easy to come up with "it would be better to say..." stuff when sitting down at a computer or tablet with time to think.

I don't go to a normal gym, but do go to a "rock gym" - indoor bouldering wall. It's remarkable how many man feel the need to offer 'advice" on how to climb, yet seem oddly reluctant to offer similar advice to other men climbing nearby.

This and all the other ways that conversation goes, any iteration on random mans part ends up one of these ways or similar.
It matters not what the woman says, so "thank you random man" is probably the best response, it's not flat out rude, it's not a come on signal, it's not a fuck you or fuck off, it doesn't invite more talk or touching.
I haven't used it yet, however I'm in my 50s and get less shit these days, but I will use it.
Well done OP

Difference is, you asked him if he needed a hand. You didn’t randomly tell him he needed a size 2 pampers brand before knowing any further info. I get your point, but it’s not the same!

So many times I’ve had men tell me to smile. Tell me I should wear something different. Tell me I shouldn’t be waking here alone. Random men in car garages telling me what model car I should be looking at when I’ve clearly said I want a 200 series Landcruiser for off-roading but they’re telling me a sexy Audi A5 would look good on me?! That may be, but it won’t take me through Fraser Island’s inland tracks.

I think men are great. Most of my friendship circle are male. I’m not a man hater, but random and unsolicited advice is usually used to put a woman down. This random man had no need in a million years to tell, not suggest, but tell the OP what weight to leg press.

I mean, I wouldn't bother emailing the gym but it's annoying isn't it! Women do it to me for some reason!!

For women to have a fair slice of the pie, men have got to have less. Decent men recognise this. It isn't misandry to want me to have only half of what is available in society (space, money, attention) despite some men behaving like big babies when asked to curb themselves a bit.

Absolutely this.

Those why cry misandry at things like this should bear in mind the following quote - 'when you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.'

This wasn't advice...there is pretty much only one way to do a leg press and his view on the level of weight was clearly not needed. Different perhaps if you saw someone swinging at kettle bell totally wrong and wanted to give a helpful tip (it's easy to get wrong to the extent of it not being safe/effective). So OP is totally right to make it clear she didn't want this guy in her space. Its also creepy if you are the only ones there.

He approached me, got in my personal space, leaned on the back of the equipment I was using ( leg press) and told me what weight to use when he had no idea of any physical problems I may have. A younger me would have been intimidated.

what did he actually say? Along the lines of “try X kg weight”

You don't see the difference between asking someone if they wanted a hand and someone forcing their opinion on you? Really?

Not everyone on MN lives in the UK.

I think the important part of this interaction is when you asked 'Do you need help?'.
The OP wasn't asked if she needed help- just given advice.
Asking someone if they need help before offering advice is the way to go- something some men people don't do. Which leads to irritation from those who receive unsolicited advice.

He came over
”leaned” on the back of equipment
and “told” you to use 120kg weight

i wouldn’t have felt least bit intimidated now as a woman in her forties and not as a 19 year old. Not because I’m some sort of rhino skinned she-man, but because I would either assume he has learning difficulties or he’s simple an odd character, similar to the two women that stand over me when I’m on the running machine to try and make me move if they want to run side by side

probably why I don’t have much drama of stress in my life because I don’t see shadows in very unusual intervention I have with a man I don’t know

This!

hashtab Be Nice everybody

ffs!

I know plenty of unmanned 24 hour gyms (in the UK). I'd assume as they are usually part of a chain they have someone on call checking things 24 hours for security reasons

That's nice dear.

I dont know if its menopause of just fed up of nearly 5 decades of hearing crap, unwanted, unasked for advice on anything from random men. Never random women in my experience.

So in 50 years no woman has ever gave you advice you didn't appreciate? Is if 😂

You must have had one hard life then @Pollydonia