Manners a thing of the past?

[lechatestsurlemat]

On a crowded train yesterday, hardly any seats. A woman (middle class), probably about 40 grabbed a seat and sat down with her daughter (assuming) about 7/8 on her lap. Next to them, a man about 75/80, standing. No offer to let him have the seat. A few stations on, the person next to them gets off and she plonks her DD down in the now empty seat. A few more stations on and they get off. The oldish man grabs the seats for him and his mate (similar age), so obviously he does want to sit down.

[FridayiminlovewithRobertSmith]

Were there no other people on the train? Why have you singled these 2 people out to offer their seats. Was no one else (middle class) or an (assumed) daughter?

I’d probably check if I thought someone was in need of a seat, but I don’t make assumptions about why others don’t.

[Johnnysgirl]

@FridayiminlovewithRobertSmith

Were there no other people on the train? Why have you singled these 2 people out to offer their seats. Was no one else (middle class) or an (assumed) daughter?

I’d probably check if I thought someone was in need of a seat, but I don’t make assumptions about why others don’t.

They grabbed the seats when the two older gents were already standing.

[Antarcticant]

A woman (middle class), probably about 40 grabbed a seat and sat down with her daughter (assuming) about 7/8 on her lap.

How long had they been standing for before they got a seat? If they'd already stood for quite a while (bearing in mind it's tiring standing on a moving train keeping yourself steady) I wouldn't blame them for wanting a seat when one came available.

[Johnnysgirl]

bearing in mind it's tiring standing on a moving train keeping yourself steady
It certainly is. More so when you're 80, I'd imagine...

[Antarcticant]

@Johnnysgirl

bearing in mind it's tiring standing on a moving train keeping yourself steady
It certainly is. More so when you're 80, I'd imagine...

The OP doesn't say how long that person had been standing, nor who else was on the train and could potentially have offered a seat. It's unclear why this particular woman has been singled out as selfish.

[Johnnysgirl]

@Antarcticant

The OP doesn't say how long that person had been standing, nor who else was on the train and could potentially have offered a seat. It's unclear why this particular woman has been singled out as selfish.

It's clear enough to me 🤷🏻‍♀️
An elderly man and a much younger woman standing, a seat becomes available and the woman leaps in.

[TigerRag]

Because no younger people have disabilities. My invisible disability makes standing on moving trains difficult.

[lechatestsurlemat]

It was coming back from a mass event. We had all waited over an hour to get a train, there was a mad scramble to get the handful of empty seats. I suppose the 80-year-olds just werent swift enough. It's luck, you stand on the platform and if the train stops with a door next to you, you have a chance of a seat. Defo middle class, only middle-class livein B***sfield.

[Johnnysgirl]

Sure. Maybe the woman and her 7 year old both had hidden disabilities.

[lechatestsurlemat]

Sure. Maybe the woman and her 7-year-old both had hidden disabilities.
Cant do empathy?

[Johnnysgirl]

@lechatestsurlemat

Sure. Maybe the woman and her 7-year-old both had hidden disabilities.
Cant do empathy?

What does that mean? It's vanishingly unlikely that both a relatively young woman and a young child needed the seat more than an elderly man, surely?

[PurpleDaisies]

I would have assumed if he’d wanted a seat for the whole journey, he’s have asked. It’s a bit of a generation thing (generally) that older men will try to give up seats for younger women, regardless of who looks like they need it more. It’s

[Ducksinthebath]

What’s the relevance of being middle class?

[iklboo]

What does that mean? It's vanishingly unlikely that both a relatively young woman and a young child needed the seat more than an elderly man, surely?

84 year old FIL is more capable of standing up on a moving train than I am due to my balance & mobility disabilities so not 'vanishingly unlikely'. The child sat on the woman's lap not on another seat.

[darisdet]

Couldn't you or one of the other passengers have offered your seat?

They were both sharing a seat, I don't see why they were supposed to be the first to offer to both stand. Last on? Why was their middle class status relevant?

I had been going to agree that manners are generally in decline (at risk of sounding like my mother) but I mean the little things like a thank you here and there.

[lechatestsurlemat]

I only mention them because from where I was sitting, I couldnt see anyone else.
I am in my sixties, so was probably the next oldest anyway.

[lechatestsurlemat]

What I mean is, I at least thought about giving up my seat because thats the way I was brought up. Occasionally, when in London, I get offered a seat. I know this is anecdotal, but it is often afro Caribbean people who offer up their seats. Maybe they are brought up better.

[Johnnysgirl]

@iklboo

What does that mean? It's vanishingly unlikely that both a relatively young woman and a young child needed the seat more than an elderly man, surely?

84 year old FIL is more capable of standing up on a moving train than I am due to my balance & mobility disabilities so not 'vanishingly unlikely'. The child sat on the woman's lap not on another seat.

Well, op said this:
A few stations on, the person next to them gets off and she plonks her DD down in the now empty seat

[PurpleDaisies]

@lechatestsurlemat

What I mean is, I at least thought about giving up my seat because thats the way I was brought up. Occasionally, when in London, I get offered a seat. I know this is anecdotal, but it is often afro Caribbean people who offer up their seats. Maybe they are brought up better.

what was it that stopped you actually offering to give up your seat? How do you know everyone else wasn’t also thinking about it?

[lechatestsurlemat]

what was it that stopped you actually offering to give up your seat? How do you know everyone else wasn’t also thinking about it?
I had done a park run in the morning and walked a few miles in the afternoon. I had been diagnosed with high blood pressure the day before and I thought it best to stay seated, just in case I kealed over.

[ParsleyRosemarySage]

So you’re having a go at the woman with a child sitting on her knee: a child who might well have fallen over in a moving train, potentially knocking everyone else over? We’re there any single people without children to worry about?
It’s an interesting fight to pick, op, in an interesting place.

[Johnnysgirl]

It'd take a fairly hefty 7 year old to "knock everyone else over" 😬

[lechatestsurlemat]

So you’re having a go at the woman with a child sitting on her knee: a child who might well have fallen over in a moving train, potentially knocking everyone else over? We’re there any single people without children to worry about?
It’s an interesting fight to pick, op, in an interesting place.

I told you, I couldnt see anybody else, who could have given up their seat, from where I was sitting.

[angeLavn]

I rarely see people give up their seats on my commute. The selfishness of the commuters is the worst.
The worst examples I've seen have been a woman standing trying to hold two toddlers and another elderly woman with a walking aid. I was standing myself or I'd have offered.