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Original poster

Manners a thing of the past?

90 replies

lechatestsurlemat · 22/05/2022 10:36

On a crowded train yesterday, hardly any seats. A woman (middle class), probably about 40 grabbed a seat and sat down with her daughter (assuming) about 7/8 on her lap. Next to them, a man about 75/80, standing. No offer to let him have the seat. A few stations on, the person next to them gets off and she plonks her DD down in the now empty seat. A few more stations on and they get off. The oldish man grabs the seats for him and his mate (similar age), so obviously he does want to sit down.

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 22/05/2022 12:20

lechatestsurlemat · 22/05/2022 11:53

what was it that stopped you actually offering to give up your seat? How do you know everyone else wasn’t also thinking about it?
I had done a park run in the morning and walked a few miles in the afternoon. I had been diagnosed with high blood pressure the day before and I thought it best to stay seated, just in case I kealed over.

Well, how do you know she hadn't recently done a park run with high blood pressure - or other medical condition?

People in glass houses ...

lollipoprainbow · 22/05/2022 12:23

Why didn't you offer your seat if you were so bothered ?? Why assume the woman was middle class does it really matter ?? Maybe her daughter had autism or another disability that meant she needed to sit down ??

HappyHappyHermit · 22/05/2022 12:26

I'd want my 7 year old to be seated as I would think it safer for them. As for me, well I would offer mu seat if on my own, but some people pay extra to reserve seats and may not be too happy to give that up. The real problem is trains not having enough seats.

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JamieFrasersBigSwingingKilt · 22/05/2022 12:27

Lots of non-middle class people parked further down the train line yesterday for greater convenience after the event. The woman could have done the same and therefore flouts your class assumption.

On the other hand, the elderly folk could have asked for a seat. I know I did the same when heavily pregnant. I agree on the whole that manners have gone downhill but the ability to ask a simple question also seems to have declined too.

HappyHappyHermit · 22/05/2022 12:28

Also, she could've been pregnant, I didn't look pregnant until very late on and would have definitely needed to sit down.

Samcro · 22/05/2022 12:30

i am confused as why teh woman being middle class matters

TheVolturi · 22/05/2022 12:33

Why didn't you give up your seat?

CruCru · 22/05/2022 12:33

I don’t have much of a view of who should have offered a seat to the older man - it’s possible that people saw a fit person who runs races and a woman with a child and came to the opinion that the race runner should have offered their seat. Whether that’s right or not it’s hard to tell.

However, I can’t bear the idea that people of the past always had good manners. It wasn’t like a Jane Austin novel thirty years ago. In the past, people were quite often outrageously rude to each other.

Manners have changed. Men don’t lift their hats for ladies but it’s now considered unacceptable to say racist or homophobic things. Hell, young people refuse to ring each other because they’re afraid of being intrusive.

TheVolturi · 22/05/2022 12:37

Samcro · 22/05/2022 12:30

i am confused as why teh woman being middle class matters

Exactly.

Quirkycarrot · 22/05/2022 12:43

I will also ask why middle class is relevant?

Also to echo the poster who asked how you know other people didn't, like you, 'at least think about giving up their seat'?

But your real issue is with the shoppers at Bicester Village who leave you without a seat because of their bags? And there is no way you can communicate you want a seat without knowing the relevant words in Arabic/ Mandarin? You haven't tried and just assumed they won't understand 'I would like to sit down'?? Perhaps you should ask yourself where your own manners are!

lollipoprainbow · 22/05/2022 12:49

@Quirkycarrot yes seems to have a real chip on shoulder about bicester village !

Iamtheweedonkey · 22/05/2022 12:53

lechatestsurlemat · 22/05/2022 11:53

what was it that stopped you actually offering to give up your seat? How do you know everyone else wasn’t also thinking about it?
I had done a park run in the morning and walked a few miles in the afternoon. I had been diagnosed with high blood pressure the day before and I thought it best to stay seated, just in case I kealed over.

Lol, so you're so concerned about your high BP, yet you did a park run, walked a few miles, and you couldn't offer your seat. How do you know the lady didn't have any issues such as as high BP and park run activities?

LondonJax · 22/05/2022 12:58

Possibly better not to have done the park run if you have high blood pressure...

lop32 · 22/05/2022 13:00

I would have offered my seat to the elderly gentlemen. I would definitely have also made my kids stand as I think it's a courteous thing to do. I'm also middle class (no idea why this matters?).

But you can't judge others if you didn't offer your seat, irrespective of the reasons. I have arthritis and you'd have no idea looking at me - however, I'd still offer to stand if there was an older person because I'd deem they are more in need than me. As I hope others would do if my elderly parents were on the train.

I was on crutches after a hip replacement recently and I was offered seats on the tube every time without asking (or lurking hopefully) by all ages, genders and class (that last part was in jest).

DolphinaPD · 22/05/2022 13:02

I think this trend of giving children seats before older people is a fucking disgrace.

Older people need them more.

Johnnysgirl · 22/05/2022 13:02

lechatestsurlemat · 22/05/2022 11:53

what was it that stopped you actually offering to give up your seat? How do you know everyone else wasn’t also thinking about it?
I had done a park run in the morning and walked a few miles in the afternoon. I had been diagnosed with high blood pressure the day before and I thought it best to stay seated, just in case I kealed over.

Is this a joke post? Hmm

DisgruntledPelican · 22/05/2022 13:08

If you are in need of a train seat - whether elderly, pregnant, disabled, tired, feeling faint, or any other reason, ASK. 90 per cent of people, probably more, will vacate a seat for you.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/05/2022 13:09

My DS (when he was younger) offered his seat to an older/elderly man who refused it as he had (he said) a fixed hip so more difficult for him to sit and then raise than to stand .

My son got an absolute earful from some Im offended on that old man's behalf type until she was put right .

On the subject of manners though , I was waiting for a lift with a full trolley , there are 2 lifts and one call button. (I was first there)
Other people behind me legged it to the open lift like Mick the Miller , none of them said "Oh , here , you're waiting longest" nope , just piled in.
Turds

Antarcticant · 22/05/2022 13:11

My DS (when he was younger) offered his seat to an older/elderly man who refused it as he had (he said) a fixed hip so more difficult for him to sit and then raise than to stand.

That's obviously a thing - I've heard offered seats being refused for exactly that reason (but not with any offence taken).

sassafras123 · 22/05/2022 13:12

So Im on crutches and wearing an ortho boot following surgery. Get on bus only two seats left each by window aisle seats occupied. No offer of seat or attempt by first person to make room so I could sit down. So I said 'Can I sit there please? Person makes huffing noise 'Oh do you want to sit down then? Erm well yes actually' ! Reluctantly shifts her arse to let me in . Lady behind me also on a crutch has to make similar request to woman sat behind hogging aisle seat. For the record I always offer seats or stand if no seat available. Grrrr!

LKsGrowler · 22/05/2022 13:16

DolphinaPD · 22/05/2022 13:02

I think this trend of giving children seats before older people is a fucking disgrace.

Older people need them more.

Totally agree & I get you OP.

Unfortunately for you this is MN so posters are going to fixate on the middle-class thing rather than address your point.

Quirkycarrot · 22/05/2022 13:41

sassafras123 · 22/05/2022 13:12

So Im on crutches and wearing an ortho boot following surgery. Get on bus only two seats left each by window aisle seats occupied. No offer of seat or attempt by first person to make room so I could sit down. So I said 'Can I sit there please? Person makes huffing noise 'Oh do you want to sit down then? Erm well yes actually' ! Reluctantly shifts her arse to let me in . Lady behind me also on a crutch has to make similar request to woman sat behind hogging aisle seat. For the record I always offer seats or stand if no seat available. Grrrr!

I have that people taking aisle seats and then not moving over is so common now

Quirkycarrot · 22/05/2022 13:42
  • hate
Billandben444 · 22/05/2022 13:55

As the woman seemed happy to have child on her lap in the first place, it would have been thoughtful of her to have offered spare seat to old gent rather than nabbed it for child.

felineweird · 22/05/2022 13:56

Why in Christ's name didn't you governing up YOUR seat?! What total hypocrisy!