Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Manners a thing of the past?

90 replies

lechatestsurlemat · 22/05/2022 10:36

On a crowded train yesterday, hardly any seats. A woman (middle class), probably about 40 grabbed a seat and sat down with her daughter (assuming) about 7/8 on her lap. Next to them, a man about 75/80, standing. No offer to let him have the seat. A few stations on, the person next to them gets off and she plonks her DD down in the now empty seat. A few more stations on and they get off. The oldish man grabs the seats for him and his mate (similar age), so obviously he does want to sit down.

OP posts:
OvaryActions · 22/05/2022 21:54

lop32 · 22/05/2022 21:32

* I* agree about setting an example but I don't think the way to do it is acting like I'm entitled to keep my seat while offering the seat of someone much smaller than me.

I'm a bit confused by this. I shouldn't expect my kids to stand while I'm seated? I'd absolutely give up my seat if someone else needed it more than me.

If my child wasn't old enough to stand safely, I'd have them on my knee if possible. Not sat in a separate seat if there was an elderly person.

However, my kids are old enough to stand therefore they'd choose to stand if it meant I could sit. I don't think that's wrong, it's just having good manners.

That's what I'm saying. If I saw someone who I thought needed a seat I would offer them my seat not my child's.

In this instance the child should've remained on the mums lap and the seat could've been used by the older man. But it shouldn't have come to that, before the other seat became available how many able bodied adults stayed in their seats and didn't offer? I just don't understand why people are picking on this one mother and child.

Kris02 · 22/05/2022 21:57

People have always believed things were better in the past. I vaguely remember some Roman writer (Horace?) noting that every generation complains about declining morals.

That said, I do think things have changed. And it's partly down to the end of the class system. When I was young (in the 1970s), this country was still twisted up by class. Just watch any British sitcom pre-1990. It's almost always to do with class. Well the class system was a pretty toxic thing. It kept people in their place, and held Britain back in lots of ways. But it did have one upside. Because people were frightened of being thought 'common' or 'lower class' they would teach their children an elaborate code of manners.

I'm not talking about the upper classes by the way. The aristocratic/Bullingdon type are often incredibly rude. You only have to look at the royals. It's hard to imagine anyone less refined or polite than Prince Philip, not to mention that ignorant little oaf Harry. I'm talking about ordinary working people in the suburbs. If I went to another child's house for dinner, for example, I would have to say "thankyou for having me," when I left. And I even remember my grandfather grabbing my little brother, yanking him off the pavement, and saying "you should always step into the road if a lady is coming"!!

There were two words I often heard as a child but never do anymore. The first was 'gentleman', the second was 'common'. You'd hear older people say of X or Y that he was "a true English gentleman," or "an English gentleman to his finger tips". You also heard people describe neighbors as 'common', or even 'vulgar'. That kind of language just isn't used anymore. I cannot remember the last time I heard someone described as 'common'.

Ironically, it wasn't a Labour government that destroyed the class system. It was Thatcher. Thatcher made everything about money. People increasingly judged one another not on their 'class' (their manners, taste, accent, cultural interests, etc) but on their wealth.

Billandben444 · 23/05/2022 07:33

People increasingly judged one another not on their 'class' (their manners, taste, accent, cultural interests, etc) but on their wealth.
So true which is why there's always a thread on here with people worrying about whether they've made the middle classes or not.
Consideration for others should be drummed into children along with acceptable table manners and remembering to say please and thank you. The mother should have kept the child on her lap thus indicating that an older person was more deserving of the seat next to her.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

lop32 · 23/05/2022 08:08

On the topic of public transport etiquette, playing loud videos and music on the train is top of my list. Along with having a long phone call on speakerphone rather than holding it up to your ear.

I'd say more prevalent amongst younger people, but also widespread among people my age. I don't want to listen to your sodding noise! I find it really antisocial.

lop32 · 23/05/2022 08:10

I should add - this is clearly not an issue if you have a hearing impediment which means you can't. But that doesn't apply to 95% of the culprits.

OuiWeeOui · 23/05/2022 08:23

If people stopped complaining about being offended about these things more people would probably offer
No one likes to be chastised when they are trying to help

Nocaloriesinchocolate · 23/05/2022 08:28

The boys at our local independent high school have beautiful manners - always offer me their seat on the tram. Which I take with thanks of course, since such manners need encouraging, whilst inside feeling depressed that they think I look old enough to need a seat!

easyday · 23/05/2022 08:36

Actually I find people are quite quick to offer their seat to those who look less able. And I'm pleased to say my 18 year old son leapt up when an elderly couple got on the tube the other day, and they gratefully accepted.
When I was visibly pregnant I was often offered a seat but usually refused as the effort of getting out of it was too much!

MissTrip82 · 23/05/2022 08:51

Your HIGH blood pressure makes you likely to keel over? Really?

That's really more a feature of low blood pressure.

You must have been terribly worried about your safety during the park run if a symptom of hypertension for you is keeling over.

balalake · 23/05/2022 09:14

When you have the current Prime Minister and his serially rude minister for 'levelling up' (or levelling down in reality), what chance have you of improving manners and courtesy?

LondonJax · 23/05/2022 10:38

@Kris02 - you'll be pleased to know good manners are alive and kicking in my area. If our kids attended a birthday party for a friend, they would always find the parents of the child and thank them for a lovely time. My DS and his friends thank each others parents if they've been to tea or stayed overnight or been taken out for the day (they're all 14-15 years old now and it's stemmed from the early birthday parties). My DS thanks his aunts and uncles for a meal.

And the kids in our local comprehensive where I work and DS goes, say thank you if you hold a door open for them. It's expected and teachers will call them back if they don't with a 'did you miss a couple of words out there x?'. Teachers and other staff always say thank you to the kids too. Lead by example.

As for the train mentioned above. DS would always sit on my lap when he was little if the bus/train was busy. If someone needed a seat I'd put him in the seat and I'd stand as he couldn't always reach the handles to hold on easily. As he's got older he automatically offers his seat if it's busy.

And, yes, when we're out, he walks on the outside of the pavement with me. I only noticed it the other day and asked why (I knew the answer as my parents were the same) and he said mates had told him it was polite so he and his male friends do it for the girls in school.

They don't always get it right but most kids do try.

Mookie81 · 23/05/2022 10:43

LondonJax · 22/05/2022 12:58

Possibly better not to have done the park run if you have high blood pressure...

Exercise is good for high blood pressure actually.

LondonJax · 23/05/2022 12:53

@Mookie81 - true, unless it's making you feel so light headed you're likely to keel over by standing up.

Freemoney22 · 23/05/2022 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Valhalla17 · 23/05/2022 13:21

I agree OP. I'm staggered most days by the lack of manners....some people are plain rude, haven't been brought up well and then some cultures tend to be quite different in terms of behaviours. I guess in the UK we have our English politeness and happy to queue for years mentality....other cultures don't have that but it annoys me.

Many times I step aside to let people off the tube and other rude people just pile on. I challenged one person about it and she was so precious and made out that I was the rude one😂

Some years ago my ds aged 1 was asleep in my baby carrier out in London. The carrier broke and so I had to carry him (he's a big boy) for about 90mins. I was on the tube and not a single person offered me their seat. About 10mins away from home a woman offered but she looked so exhausted herself that I told her to keep the seat. Plenty of men around, trying to look busy as well

I see it everywhere to be honest. I'm also mixed race/ afro Caribbean and of a certain age. I was always taught to respect my elders, give them a seat, open doors, blah blah blah. Very few people seem to have consideration for others these days. It bothers me but I'm trying not to let it, as its pointless trying to "school" people 😩

New posts on this thread. Refresh page