Why so many ND now?

[Jumpking]

Had much with 4 friends yesterday. All the ladies told me they're waiting for ASD assessments for their children.

I know so many parents of ND kids.

I don't think I'm unique.

There was around 5 or 6 ND children in my primary school growing up. Now this is per class, minimum. The children weren't in special schools, they just didn't exist in such high numbers.

What do you think has been the sea change in our society that means there are now far more ND children than there were 30 years ago?

(And it isn't because they weren't diagnosed 30 years ago, or we weren't aware... There really weren't children in my school, or the school's of friends I've discussed this with, who had sensory issues, or clothing issues, or only beige and/or dry food, or toileting issues, or obsessive interests issues or all the other ND things which are so prevalent with children today)

@CoffeeWithCheese I can 100% relate to you! A big massive virtual hug from me.

As for ND conditions like ASD & ADHD I think there is still quite a negative connotation with them and a misunderstanding from my generation (40's+). Once I was able to understand that I most likely have ADHD and I learned more about it I could very clearly see that I inherited it from my father and that my brother also most likely has it. And I also suspect that my 11yr son has it as well. My husband is absolutely not accepting of this. He refuses to let me look into it for my son (I have tried 3-4 times in the last 2yrs and receive nothing but verbal abuse from him for doing so).

He does not believe that ADHD is even a real thing, and just yells at me for not being able to do things like he wants / expects them to be done and tells me to just try harder, but then that never works. I suspect my son is also autistic, but I don't dare bring that up to my husband. He sees my son copying other children and blames the naughtyness that my son is copying on them. My son went to school with a young boy in years R-2 who was quite clearly ND (autistic I would assume). He didn't make eye contact, waved his hands in front of his face, talked rudely to his mother, had ticks and made sounds. My husband did not want our son being friends with the poor boy and even today when we see him (he's at a different school now) my husband always has to make a comment about how there's something up with that boy and how he isn't normal. So I think for him it's partly a pride thing, but also that he just doesn't want to accept that a ND diagnosis isnt the end of the world, and there is still plenty of opportunity to succeed with the right support.

It wasn't until he started speaking to a relatively new friend of his who's a Dr who just happened to specialise in ADHD that he started to believe that I have and am going through is a real issue. But even still he does not believe a diagnosis is the best thing, and doesn't want to see me going on medication cor it that would most likely greatly improve my quality of life because it has "side effects and is a brain altering drug that I will have to be on the rest of my life". He believes everyone wants to put a label on their problems as a form of excuse. And his Dr friend has also pissed me off by saying that there are apparently 'lots' of private Dr's who will take your money and give you an ADHD diagnosis even if you don't have it just because they make money from it and the medication. I'm really rather pissed off with that, because while it may be the case that there might be a few shady Dr's doing this it diminishes the real issues that myself and many others have struggled with all their lives.

I don't want my son growing up like I did. Struggling to fit in, feeling like he's stupid and just needs to try harder etc. He already says he was born different, how his brain isn't right, how he's naughty, how he wishes he wasn't here etc. It breaks my heart. He just needs help like I needed help. Except I never got it. I will now need to get help for myself first while my son struggles and hope that my husband can notice and improvement in me and get a better understanding of ADHD and other ND conditions.

@adhdforme

You are letting your son down as much as his father IMO. Are you frightened of your husband?

No. Not frightened in the sense that he'll be physically abusive or anything. More frustrated with his lack of understanding and failure to see that ND is a real issue and that me and my sons struggles could be made so much better if we got some real proper help and treatment. He just thinks that I'm looking for an easy way out and something to blame my 'laziness' and inability to function on something and doesn't understand why I just don't try harder. Then he gets annoyed when I don't achieve anything 🤦‍♀️

I have massive anxiety around fighting for my son to get diagnosed. I've tried for 2 years, but get a barrage of verbal abuse when he's found out I've asked for mg son to be referred. Husband was so angry with me and felt it would impact my sons chances of getting into a private secondary school. I think he thinks it's literally like a 'stupidity sentence' or something 😑.

@adhdforme

I'm sorry to say this but your husband sounds awful. He shows a complete lack of understanding around the entire thing and is making your life and your child's life much harder than it needs to be because he's... what? Embarrassed?

And his friend's attitude about private doctors telling you what you want to hear is so fucking damaging, especially for a group of people who have had their difficulties minimised their entire lives! For what it's worth, I was diagnosed privately but then I was assessed by the NHS too (long, boring story) and even though the assessment was different, they asked questions in different ways, I gave different examples, etc I scored exactly the same in both my private and NHS assessments: 9/9 on the inattentive scale, 7/9 on the impulsive scale. Both gave me a diagnosis of "severe" combined subtype ADHD and both recommended medication. I'm in Scotland too, so I don't pay a penny for my prescription - no profit for them!

It also wasn't a case of just turning up and "scoring meds" either. After my diagnosis I had meetings with two psychiatrists, I had to be screened for other mental health issues, they monitored my weight, resting heart rate and blood pressure, and I had to go to the local hospital for an ECG to check that my heart could withstand the stimulants. Then there was the actual titration process, where I had to give my doctor fortnightly updates on my weight (the meds kill your appetite), heart rate and blood pressure.

Even getting the meds themselves isn't easy. Because lisdexamfetamine is so tightly regulated, no pharmacy around here stocks it and they refuse to even order my repeat script so every month I have to get the script, take it in and get it ordered. Then when I pick it up, it's locked in a safe with a big red CONTROLLED DRUG sticker on it. I have to show the pharmacist my ID and they note something in a ledger.

Medication has changed my life but it's not a cure and it's not something they give out like Tic Tacs! Additionlly, it's not necessarily something you take for the rest of your life; it wears off after about 12 hours and some people only take it during the week or when they feel they need it.

I don't want my son growing up like I did. Struggling to fit in, feeling like he's stupid and just needs to try harder etc. He already says he was born different, how his brain isn't right, how he's naughty, how he wishes he wasn't here etc.

This is absolutely heartbreaking and things are clearly very difficult for you caught between your son's needs and your husband's ridiculous opinions. But what's more important? Your son deserves all the support available and your husband needs to get over himself.
You mentioned other family members with adhd, could they help persuade your DH? If not you need to find a way to have him assessed yourself but I can see that's easier said than done. Try getting the GP to refer him if that would work in your area, then it's not you doing it, it's a medical professional.

Ah yes, those pesky screens.

It's a battle I will have to fight on my own I'm afraid. The other family members are I mentioned are both undiagnosed (they only realised when I told them about my struggles and that they realised their struggles were also most likely ADHD. They also live very far away, and I'm not that close to them.

My husband likes to pitch me as the bad guy or the crazy one who just wants to get a label put on every symptom and has even claimed if I tried to get my son diagnosed my son would never forgive me when he's older. Well I will never forgive my husband for the way he's handled this situation with both myself and my son.

Fortunately / unfortunately my son has already learned to mask very well at school. He used to have a lot of issues with getting up out of his seat, calling out and acting up. Now he knows how to behave and is a clever kid, so most issues aren't present at school at the moment. But once he gets home all he'll breaks loose and he can't sit through dinner or a movie without getting up or fiddling with the remote 10-20 times. He's constantly repeating song lyrics and catch phrases 20-30 times, no matter how many times we ask him to stop. It makes me want to bang my head against the wall. I just have to leave the room because the sounds get too much for me 😕 Getting him to focus on homework or anything is often a real struggle. There are just so many issues, but my husband not only refuses to discipline / enforce rules, but he also fails to see there could be an underlying issue.

Once I get some help for myself I'm hoping that I'll be able to function enough and have the confidence to get my son some help too

This is true, my most recent case is one where the young person only met one criteria. It was a private assessment commissioned by the courts,, although she had access to the court bundle which had some information about the childs behaviours, the social history was provided by parents only, we had no early years developmental information to triangulate from and she spent an hour with the child. He received a diagnosis. She said that although he didnt meet the other criteria she confirmed the diagnosis.

Sure.

I was misdiagnosed at school as ‘intelligent but difficult. Later it was NPD.
that was thirty odd years ago. Got an autism dx at 45. Was already working in the field.
So a mixed bag of undiagnosed and misdiagnosed. There were as many neurodivergent people thirty years ago. There are figures available that clearly demonstrate this.