If you're a South African living in England....(or you know some)

[TiredButDancing]

.... do you regularly get told you're terribly blunt/tell it like it is/ call a spade a spade a spade etc? And usually when you think you've made a fairly benign comment?

I thought it was just me because I am quite chatty and open and I always just thought that was me, not because I'm South African. But was chatting yesterday with a client who I consider to be the epitome of polite, measured responses and who also happens to be a South African and she said that in a meeting recently where she raised something she considered relatively minor but that needed a solution, the senior person in the room said, "Trust the South African in the room to come out with it."

I no longer comment in most school WhatsApp groups etc except when it's essential and they are looking for specific information from me (eg, "yes, DS will attend that event") because I slowly came to realise that there was a higher chance of me accidentally offending someone. I've also just declined to be the parent co-ordinator for a group the DC attend because while I'd actually be very happy to help out, I find the way the things the other mums say and do on the chat frankly baffling, and assume, based on experience, they'll feel the same about me.

Anyone else?

I'm mostly super happy living here and we have such a great life and lots of friends etc. But even after more than 20 years I still seem to be blindsided by cultural differences.

All but one of the South Africans I know are extremely blunt. I now avoid walking my dog in certain places as I know I might bump into a lovely South African couple who will let me know I’ve gained weight. I love them dearly, but blunt/direct sums them up.

Yeah, sorry, I know lots of South Africans and they’re all pretty blunt tbh! It’s probably much healthier than our British pussyfooting around though.

Yes South African sometimes can sound a bit direct. In my previous firm I had a lot of South African friends and it was usually the hilarious case of the Brits thinking the SA too blunt and the SA thinking the Brits "never say what they think".

A lot of it comes down to language norms I think. I'm often framed as "shy" due to my soft language but in my culture (I'm from Asia) it's just being polite.

Didn't want to start a new thread but I came across this one so thought I would contribute.
I know a SA couple and they are very rude, entitled and think their feelings trump everyone else's. No empathy. Also quite as you say, blunt in what they say. They want to be seen as honest and forthright but can't take anyone else being the same towards them. I also think they hide behind their Christianity to make their behaviour look better but that's a different story....

Another Saffer here.

I think we just get to the point of the conversation way quicker than a British person would. There aren't the niceties like talking about the weather and how's your mother before getting onto the topic.

I find British chit chat a lot more so we are just waiting for them to get to the point...

And this is where blunt/rude sounding may come in when a Saffer will say something like, so what it you wanted to talk about... Or something along those lines.

Austrians are pretty direct as well I find

DH is South African but moved to Australia as a teen. That’s a real double whammy of directness.

His DM is very direct, but also cos she’s a bit of a dick rather than just being South African.

I also think that the accent can sound quite harsh (although I actually like it).
I introduced one of our clients to a SA supplier and they were due to have a meeting, I don’t usually sit in on these meetings but decided to just out of interest.
She fired questions at the poor man until I had to intervene. She wasn’t actually doing anything wrong but to a British person it wasn’t coming across in the right way at all

One of our Austrian rellies moved to Australia in his teens - he took bluntness to a whole new level

We have family in sa and I wouldn't discribe any of them as blunt. Or any of the other SA I've met either

A small sample size but I have one friend from Johannesburg who is very blunt and several friends from Cape Town who are not blunt. Like I said, small sample size in terms of the blunt one!

Oooh the fluster.

Actually this is something I should have added. A South African generally doesn't get quite as flustered when on the spot.

I think the general directness served me well when I worked in the UK in the debt department of a bank. I could get things sorted and end the call in a sharp manner 😊

I wouldn’t say “blunt”, but several South Africans I know have expressed surprise at how it’s not acceptable to use racist language in the uk, one in a work setting to a colleague (me) he’d met only hours before.

Doesn’t sound like your technique would be great when dealing with potentially vulnerable customers in a uk bank to be honest! You are not allowed to try to intimidate customers into paying “in a sharp manner”, something I’m sure anyone who had actually worked in the debt department of a UK bank would know 🙄

These are two different issues. Being blunt and being racist not the same thing at all.

I agree, but the people I’ve encountered have tried to pass it off as “South Africans are just blunt and tell it like it is, British people are so PC and uptight”

My DH is south African and we have lots of south African friends. Dh is by far the most blunt out of everyone and sometimes can come across as rude. Our friends on the other hand are not as blunt and can be quite sympathetic to people's feelings etc

I don't think you read my post correctly.

Please enlighten me then!

I think my post was quite clear. What more are you wanting to know?

I don’t think it was clear at all. You’re claiming to have worked in the UK department of a bank, which will have been subject to UK regulations. You are simply not allowed to “use a sharp manner and end the call”, there are enormous quality and training departments to ensure customers are treated fairly.

Not at all, I work with a South African woman and she's so lovely and not blunt at all. I'm Glaswegian and have been told I'm blunt before. I don't think I am. 😂

I worked in a UK bank. Underwent relevant training for said position. In a call center. Managed to get through a lot more calls compared to many of my colleagues. Made arrangements with the customers as required and as per regulations. I was good at my job as difficult as it was at times.

You are derailing the thread now.

So so true