If you're a South African living in England....(or you know some)

[TiredButDancing]

.... do you regularly get told you're terribly blunt/tell it like it is/ call a spade a spade a spade etc? And usually when you think you've made a fairly benign comment?

I thought it was just me because I am quite chatty and open and I always just thought that was me, not because I'm South African. But was chatting yesterday with a client who I consider to be the epitome of polite, measured responses and who also happens to be a South African and she said that in a meeting recently where she raised something she considered relatively minor but that needed a solution, the senior person in the room said, "Trust the South African in the room to come out with it."

I no longer comment in most school WhatsApp groups etc except when it's essential and they are looking for specific information from me (eg, "yes, DS will attend that event") because I slowly came to realise that there was a higher chance of me accidentally offending someone. I've also just declined to be the parent co-ordinator for a group the DC attend because while I'd actually be very happy to help out, I find the way the things the other mums say and do on the chat frankly baffling, and assume, based on experience, they'll feel the same about me.

Anyone else?

I'm mostly super happy living here and we have such a great life and lots of friends etc. But even after more than 20 years I still seem to be blindsided by cultural differences.

I actually know a few SA and they can be plain speaking but not as plain speaking as the Dutch.

But I lived in Yorkshire for years so I'm ok with plain speaking.

One of my best friends is SA and she's not blunt. I am though, I'm white British working class.

I used to work with a white SA of British descent. He was very chilled, very relaxed, and very little fazed him. A bit of a hippy!

I don't think you can put an entire country's citizens in a homogenous group. Everyone is different.

The South African woman I know is actually quite kind underneath but blunt to the point of rudeness

I think blunt is an old fashioned opinion. But there is a reasonable amount of SA in my community. 3 neighbours of mine at the moment and I would say 2/3 lots have an air of entitlement about them. Both from the same area and had privileged lives there, lots of acres and staff. It's very hard to explain, but they seem to order you to do them a favour and maybe it's the polite Britishness that they take advantage of 😅 Anyway I've had to practice my best MN No is a complete sentence a few times. Otherwise we all get on well and to increase on stereotypes they do a great BBQ' Braai 🥩

Several people have mentioned the Dutch link for some South Africans.

I work frequently with our Dutch office and they are generally direct - in a way I love!
An example would be if I ask if a presentation can be written by Friday.
Everyone: we can certainly try, I don’t want to commit
Dutch: no, it’s not possible

I probably know about 20 white South Africans socially and none are particularly blunt.

Well, there was a character on the Fast Show, I believe. Annabella Weir as a South African who would be blunt/rude and always ended with "No Offense". I remember a Chinese woman being very er blunt with me. I was at a coach stop. She began a Spanish inquisition about my age. Annoyingly, she was right. She then went on about make up not being good for the skin and proudly told me she never wore it (she had had her eyebrows tattooed though!

Oh god! I just remembered the Spitting Image song from the 80s "I've never met a nice South African " it was a different time!

"I don't think you can put an entire country's citizens in a homogenous group. "

This is true. You can't say that everyone in the UK drinks tea because many people don't.

"Everyone is different."

But there are generalities in cultures as well eg it's true that many people in the UK drink tea (even if some/many don't).

That's not blunt. That's fucking rude, and could be construed as misconduct.

That song still makes me giggle though, I sing it to my SA husband and he laughs too. Obviously wouldn’t sing it to any else though!

That song, was the B side to the single release of The Chicken Song....I still have the vinyl single from 1986.

I've experienced both extremes. My friends husband is the most laid back, relaxed person I've ever met.

My ex's stepmum however, was blunt, to the point of rudeness. His step sister was similar but was reflective and would both approach you after or take the "that was a bit blunt" happily.

Based on this extremely unscientific sample, I am going to go with "yes, South Africans are perceived as being more blunt/direct/forthright" possibly due to culture or accent or both. And that this characteristic is not universal (obviously) and is also appreciated/not appreciated to different degrees.

It is interesting how many of the ones who like it are dealing with South Africans at work. Which sort of makes sense to me - I have no problems interacting and managing at work, worked in-house for years with great relationships all round and now have a nice range of clients as a freelancer. But when dealing with the PTA or similar, things are a little dicier!

I've worked with a lot of South Africans. There's a full range of personality types, but generalising massively you get more open comments from a lot of South Africans, especially in a business context. I've never been left in any doubt about which of them likes me, nor which is annoyed by something. Because they are as likely to give positive feedback as negative, I've always rather liked working with them. Explaining that I need something "NOW now" becomes second nature. My biggest gripe is that they always wanted to travel to London, so I could never justify a business visit to Cape Town.

Parent groups are rife with people saying the wrong thing, you'd have to try a lot harder than being a bit blunt to really have an impact. Don't do things if you don't want to, but equally please don't be put off by worrying if others are too fragile to cope with you.

I’m English, husband is South African, he is ALWAYS telling me I’m too harsh/blunt (even rude!).
Every single member of his family and all of his South African friends are super duper polite and well mannered, I’ve always viewed them all as very confident, a couple of them may speak more directly than others but I’ve never perceived it as being blunt.

My Friends wife is South African. She can be quite direct, doesn’t beat around the bush and says what she means, not necessarily in a rude way but bluntly. As someone up thread said she’s direct without the flowery language that the British would use.

I have another friend who talks similarly and she is Swiss so it’s not just the south african way.

I know two SA and find them both blunt ….. however both very caring and nice people.

Therefore I take consideration before being offended !

Found this thread when doing a search as have a SA colleague. Very rude and prides herself on telling it how it is but can't take any criticism back. Really dislike working with her.

This is entirely my experience too, I'm in my 50s, and this is what I've encountered.

I am
I'd like to think that I'm just straight to the point and want to use as few words as possible to get my point across, whilst still being warm and humourous!

I know a couple of SA people and dont think they are blunt

I have been accused multiple times of being laid back though