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Original poster

Does anyone live in NYC? DP and I are about to move

172 replies

AllThatGlitters111 · 19/05/2022 12:46

Hi,

My DP and I (not married) are moving to NYC in December. He’s been offered a fabulous opportunity.

I will be leaving my job in the U.K. to join him - I know finding a job to sponsor me will be hard but going to try and if there is no luck after a few months then we will consider marriage (literally just for the piece of paper).

In the meantime, we will be relying on his salary to support the both of us. He will be earning $10,000 a month after tax roughly.

It sounds like a ridiculous question, but does this sound like enough to live on? Rents are insanely high there as well as just the general cost of everything.

I have been looking at areas such as Dumbo in Brooklyn, Williamsburg etc. I think Manhattan will be out of the question!

if anyone has any experience living in NYC or lives there now then I would be really grateful for any advise!

Thank you :)

OP posts:
Lysianthus · 19/05/2022 12:47

Do consider Long Island or NJ as many people commute and it's v easy.

LynneBenfield · 19/05/2022 12:50

What about health insurance?

$10k a month sounds a lot but once large expenses like health insurance for the two of you are taken out, it won’t go far.

Of the boroughs, Queens might be affordable.

Original poster
AllThatGlitters111 · 19/05/2022 12:51

I forgot to say, health insurance will be covered for the both of us by DP’s company.

OP posts:
Magicfeet11 · 19/05/2022 12:52

Ouch, from my experience living there that won't go very far to support both of you. You'll need to budget carefully. I love New York but it's a terribly expensive place!

SeaToSki · 19/05/2022 12:54

What kind of visa have you got? That impact quite a lot of what you can do

Also be very careful about telling anyone (and in particular writing it down) that you will get married just for the pice of paper, if the INS people find that, you will be kicked out married or not.

Solasum · 19/05/2022 12:55

Is it really a good idea to give up your own job to follow him? What happens if you cannot find work? You say you would consider marriage, but that leaves you in a very vulnerable position

TiddleyWink · 19/05/2022 12:56

Are you sure that just marrying if you can’t get a sponsored job will give you an instant right to stay there with him and work? I don’t know a lot about US visas but I thought even as a spouse you often can’t work (without a sponsor). I would be extremely careful about giving up your independence and earning potential to follow a boyfriend around the world, supporting his career development, without being married before you go tbh. New York is amazing but so expensive, I’m not sure if his salary will be enough. If you’re not working you’re likely to be spend more out and about doing things, otherwise you’ve literally given up your life and flown there to sit at home. Have you discussed what will happen if you can’t find work - is he happy to support both of you indefinitely?

Not trying to sound negative but honestly giving up your work and moving to the US with no prospect of working and earning while there or any security via marriage to your boyfriend, sounds utterly insane to me.

Imohsotired · 19/05/2022 12:58

You could get a nice one bed for 4K in Manhattan. I would try live there, even for a year, just to experience it. DH and I survived fine on 100k each with 4K rent pre kids and I think that was probably around 10k combined monthly after tax. We had an excellent lifestyle, eating out/ordering in most nights, weekends away etc… enjoy the move!

Applebum · 19/05/2022 13:21

What type of visa will you both be going on? My husband and I lived there for a few years pre-kids. I was on a L1 as I do a company transfer and that enabled him as my spouse to work. But he was on a H1B and I wouldn't have been able to work on his, even as a spouse. It also depends on the industry you are in and how hot the market is for your skills. If you're in tech, for instance, you would probably be a good position. Bear in mind it costs a company an enormous amount of money and admin to issue a H1B... Also, we lived on the border of Chelsea and Greenwich Village and loved it. Miss it sometimes!! Good luck!

Original poster
AllThatGlitters111 · 19/05/2022 13:48

Totally worried about giving up my life here and having really mixed emotions about it. I know I’m talking like I’m going but I’m not sure really.

I have a degree and work in an industry I am passionate about, but earn peanuts. Either I go and don’t work or he goes and I stay and I’m screwed as I won’t be able to afford rent etc.

I just wanted to get a better understanding of costs etc…but really have no idea what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllThatGlitters111 · 19/05/2022 13:48

We have been together for 8 years and 29 if that makes any difference.

OP posts:
TiddleyWink · 19/05/2022 15:15

At 29 and pre kids you’re at a pivotal point in terms of establishing your own career. Dropping your own work and life to following him pursuing his sets a very clear precedent for the rest of your lives together - think that one through very carefully.

You say the alternative is that he goes and you don’t - if he would happily emigrate without his partner of 8 years that says a lot. Seems like you making all the sacrifices here. Of course NYC is glamorous and amazing but you are risking a fuck of a lot and positioning yourself as his dependent, trotting after him and leaving yourself unemployed. Would he do that for you?

You are right to be thinking very hard about this.

Visa issues aside, it sounds like a terrible idea for you that will only benefit him in the long term.

Honeyroar · 19/05/2022 15:41

I disagree with the majority. I think it’s a fantastic opportunity to live somewhere else and experience another country. I’d definitely do it. But I was not that career driven! Looking back, my four years abroad were the best memories.

H

Johnnysgirl · 19/05/2022 15:47

he goes and I stay and I’m screwed as I won’t be able to afford rent etc.
You wouldn't be able to support yourself if you stay here??

holdthepineappleextracheese · 19/05/2022 15:49

Well you might as well go then come back if it doesn’t work

I don’t mean to be rude but you could split up tomorrow and you’d have to manage without him wouldn’t you?

Original poster
AllThatGlitters111 · 19/05/2022 15:50

Well I would ‘survive’.

I’d have to go into a house share and it would be a massive struggle with the cost of living going up. I am on 25k in London.

OP posts:
holdthepineappleextracheese · 19/05/2022 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Johnnysgirl · 19/05/2022 15:52

AllThatGlitters111 · 19/05/2022 15:50

Well I would ‘survive’.

I’d have to go into a house share and it would be a massive struggle with the cost of living going up. I am on 25k in London.

So here or there you're more or less dependent on him for your standard of living...
That's really not good. But you know that, I suppose 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hugasauras · 19/05/2022 15:54

Honestly, I would definitely do it. You're still young, if it doesn't work out then you come back home and get a job here. But it's an amazing opportunity to experience living in somewhere like that so I would grab it!

Original poster
AllThatGlitters111 · 19/05/2022 15:57

Of course not - I genuinely love him to bits.

But the at the same time, I really don’t know if I can actually afford to be alone. I can’t move back with family. It’s really scary.

Either way I have some big choices and it will be difficult.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllThatGlitters111 · 19/05/2022 15:58

Johnnysgirl · 19/05/2022 15:52

So here or there you're more or less dependent on him for your standard of living...
That's really not good. But you know that, I suppose 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

Yes I know that and it’s makes me feel like a failure tbh.

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 19/05/2022 16:00

AllThatGlitters111 · 19/05/2022 15:58

Yes I know that and it’s makes me feel like a failure tbh.

Show quote history

Sorry, I didn't actually intend to stick the boot in.

RandomQuest · 19/05/2022 16:00

OP - If he’s going on an L1 visa (transferring with his current company), and you’re married, then you get the spousal L2 visa and you can apply for work authorisation (EAD) once you arrive in the US. The process isn’t that quick, but it’s months not years and then you can work anywhere. Don’t get married just for immigration reasons but if the relationship is solid then it’s probably a hell of a lot easier than trying to get sponsored by an employer.

Original poster
AllThatGlitters111 · 19/05/2022 16:05

TiddleyWink · 19/05/2022 15:15

At 29 and pre kids you’re at a pivotal point in terms of establishing your own career. Dropping your own work and life to following him pursuing his sets a very clear precedent for the rest of your lives together - think that one through very carefully.

You say the alternative is that he goes and you don’t - if he would happily emigrate without his partner of 8 years that says a lot. Seems like you making all the sacrifices here. Of course NYC is glamorous and amazing but you are risking a fuck of a lot and positioning yourself as his dependent, trotting after him and leaving yourself unemployed. Would he do that for you?

You are right to be thinking very hard about this.

Visa issues aside, it sounds like a terrible idea for you that will only benefit him in the long term.

I agree with everything you say.

I will point out, the reason he is going (although I think he would have gone regardless as this is his dream come true) was because I said I would go with him.

He was in bits a couple of weeks ago at the prospect of losing me or not going. Either way, he feels like he’s losing.

Its only now I realise the magnitude of what’s happening and that I’m not sure I want it or if it’s a good idea.

OP posts:
RinklyRomaine · 19/05/2022 16:06

I have no idea whatsoever about living expenses but god, I'd jump at that! £25k in London is peanuts, unless you're looking to make a substantial change. The opportunity to live in Manhattan for a few years, try something new with no major financial risk if it's not for you, at 29 pre children? Hell yeah! I would get married anyway, gives you that bit more security and you've been together 8 years, why not?