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Original poster

If you consider yourself to have a ‘healthy’ relationship with alcohol…

142 replies

Cryingbutstilltrying · 16/05/2022 18:40

…what does that actually mean, for you?
Previously I had no off switch for alcohol. If I started drinking I would easily drink a bottle of wine in an evening, every evening.
Before Christmas I stopped drinking. It wasn’t always easy. I allowed myself to drink over the holiday period and before I knew it I had slipped back into the old ways. So I stopped again, completely.
DH and I were given some champagne for our anniversary last month and we shared it at home, and I surprised myself by enjoying it but once it was gone, being fine with that. It was a special occasion.
So I’m now wondering, is this the sort of relationship most people have with alcohol? Where you can have a few glasses at a celebration happily and then not the rest of the time? So Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries. Maybe once a month?
If you consider your drinking to be ‘healthy’, as in, not a problem, how often do you drink?

OP posts:

TragicMuse · 16/05/2022 22:38

I can have a drink or not. I don't agonise about it either way really. Sometimes I don't have any alcohol for weeks at a time, on holiday I might have drinks every day, but I rarely overdo it, I don't really drink enough to get drunk. I like booze, I don't need it.

I used to drink quite differently (more and more often) but somewhere along the way I've just lost the taste for it.

My own feeling is that if you have to actively plan to have days off, you have a problem with alcohol.

If you congratulate yourself for not having a drink, you have a problem with alcohol.

If you count the days between drinking, you have a problem with alcohol.

If you reward yourself with drinks, you have a problem with alcohol.

Those are the things I think of as problem drinking leading to alcoholism.

HolyHiVisOfStEvenEdge · 16/05/2022 22:38

I can take or leave it. Occasionally (maybe once every 2-3 weeks) I’ll fancy a G&T or a cider on a weekend evening, so I’ll have one, enjoy it, and then not think about it again for another couple of weeks. I had one G&T while watching Eurovision at the weekend, for example. If, when going out for a meal, it’s a choice between the convenience of driving OR having a glass of wine or two and paying for a cab (I live semi-rurally), 90% of the time I’ll take the car and have soft drinks.

I have one small group of friends who I see a couple of times a year and we usually have afternoon tea followed by 3-4 cocktails or glasses of champagne over the course of a few hours. That’s as much as I ever drink at one time.

EarlGreywithLemon · 16/05/2022 22:43

I don’t get drunk; I don’t drink at home unless we have guests; I don’t give in to peer pressure to drink; and I can take it or leave it.

I haven’t had a drink for more than three years because of pregnancies/breastfeeding. Before that I used to have a glass of wine on a Friday, and maybe one on a Saturday. I’m thinking I might just not have it again now - maybe a glass of champagne at a special occasion.

@HangingOver I think that’s the crunch for me. It’s a proven carcinogen. You have to have a chat with your doctor to be prescribed even the mini pill because of cancer risks, but we all knock alcohol back without a second thought.

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Magicfeet11 · 16/05/2022 22:47

I gave up bothering to open a bottle of wine at home because we'd each have a glass out of it on Saturday evening then a week later I'd pour the rest down the sink. Seemed a waste of money

Iamnotokifyouarenotok · 16/05/2022 22:50

Why is drinking at home considered a problem?
I genuinely cannot see what the difference is between having a couple of glasses of wine after work a couple of times a week or drinking the same amount in a pub !
I don’t have friends who regularly go to a pub,they would have a glass of wine at home . So if I fancy a glass of wine ,why is pouring it in my own kitchen such a taboo concept? Or considered a problem?
My husband has a glass of red most evenings after dinner…what’s wrong with that ?

bumblingbovine49 · 16/05/2022 22:51

I have no craving to drink and have no trouble not drinking at all if I decide to . I happily leave a drink unfinished if I feel at all like I have had enough and rarely drink more than one or two at the very most. I never ever reach for a drink in the evening when I get home as a way to relax. It just does not occur to me and if I am offered one in that situation by who who has an occasional beer in the evening I almost never fancy it

I do understand the difficulty in controlling something though as I can't control my eating . I have trouble stopping eating once I have started and spend an inordinate amount of time in my life, thinking about food and how to control my eating . I spend absolutely zero of my mental energy on thinking about alcohol.

maddy68 · 16/05/2022 22:53

I probably drink too much statically. But I can go ages without a drink and I don't think about it. I never drink in the house (although I do go out a fair about )

I dont think it ruins anything particularly, especially my relationships I think that a key point

JeanieGenie · 16/05/2022 22:55

I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol in my late teens/early 20s. Now I drink a couple of glasses of wine when out with friends maybe four times a year, and perhaps once a month I'll have one glass of wine at home, but I wouldn't feel deprived if I stopped completely. Having to get up at the crack of dawn to deal with two very loud and pestering children is a very good deterrent.

springsmiles · 16/05/2022 23:16

I come from an alcoholic family. I believe I have a healthy relationship with alcohol. I rarely drink at home when we are alone with out friends over with the exception of Christmas

I will have a drink or two when we go out with friends and can over indulge once or twice a year with friends or relax more when I'm on holiday

I know I could happily enjoy a few drinks every night but I know that makes the difference between a healthy relationship with alcohol and setting my self up to be an alcoholic. So I can happily spend a month with out alcohol.

BooksAndHooks · 16/05/2022 23:42

I have a bottle of wine split over three days a week. Occasionally I might have a Jack Daniels or similar in the week but rarely.

mackthepony · 16/05/2022 23:52

I can take it or leave it.

I only really like one glass anyway.

If someone said you have to pick between wine and coffee, I'd pick coffee

CharSiu · 17/05/2022 00:17

I do not drink much at all and have always had a take it or leave it attitude, I don’t feel as if I need alcohol to relax or enjoy myself. I don’t think I have ever drunk alone, it’s a social thing.

Sswhinesthebest · 17/05/2022 00:22

I’ll drink as little or as much as I fancy. I can go days without anything, or have several nights drinking on the trot. Sometimes only one, sometimes more. I could go longer if I had to, but choose not.

I don’t need to drink, I do it because I fancy it.

BashfulClam · 17/05/2022 00:35

I drink probably about 4 times a year. I’m happy enough to stop when I reach my limit. The dangers I have are that I don’t get hangovers so can drink as much as I want, I drink really fast, 3 immediate family members were alcoholics and I tend to have an addictive personality. I can take it or leave it and I tend to leave it.

MardyOldGoth · 17/05/2022 01:01

I don't drink very often. I think I've had alcohol on 3 occasions this year, and when I.do have it, it's much as you describe, pleasant and enjoyable. I only really fancy a drink in certain situations, mostly social, and due to my increasing age and the impact of both covid and the cost of living, there are fewer opportunities to socialise. I just don't give alcohol a thought the rest of the time.

luciatrope · 17/05/2022 01:32

Christmas period excepting, I rarely ever drink. I only drink socially at restaurants or bars, and even then it's usually just the one cider or one cocktail (because they're so fricking small and expensive, I'll make one last the whole damn night out of spite).

When I was growing up, my family never drank. My partner's family were the opposite. He's seen the effects of alcohol and as a result is completely teetotal.

BogRollBOGOF · 17/05/2022 10:29

TragicMuse · 16/05/2022 22:38

I used to drink quite differently (more and more often) but somewhere along the way I've just lost the taste for it.

My own feeling is that if you have to actively plan to have days off, you have a problem with alcohol.

If you congratulate yourself for not having a drink, you have a problem with alcohol.

If you count the days between drinking, you have a problem with alcohol.

If you reward yourself with drinks, you have a problem with alcohol.

Those are the things I think of as problem drinking leading to alcoholism.

I think this is sensible criteria.

My peak drinking seasons are December (Christmas events) and August (holiday/ birthdays/ anniversaries)

Most of the year I can go weeks without drinking alcohol without thinking about it. Sometimes it's nice to have a drink as a novelty (I tend to have a pre-mixed can as they keep well) or I'm having a pint of cider at the pub. I rarely have more than one unless there's an occasion involved. I very rarely drink to hangover (as in years apart). TBH I realised in my mid-20s that it goes to my digestive system quickly and I feel better for stopping sooner rather than later. I also get sleepy on many drinks and doze off before I get past tipsy.

Apart from the feeling sleepy, I have a similar relationship with cake. I'll have it for occasions/ some times when out, occasionally at home because I feel like it, but lengthy periods in between because too much doesn't make me feel good and I don't "need" it or have a drive to have it regularly.

AntarcticTern · 17/05/2022 10:55

@Iamnotokifyouarenotok I don't think drinking at home in itself means you have a problem. But if you don't drink at home it means you definitely don't have a problem. So people on this thread who don't drink at home are using it as proof that they don't have a problem, not implying that anyone who does drink at home does have a problem IYSWIM.

User48751490 · 17/05/2022 10:59

Put a splash of 46% proof whisky into my coffee to help with cold symptoms especially sore throat. I can't stand the taste tbh. One off. Rarely drink as a general rule. Last time was at least two months ago.

Iamnotokifyouarenotok · 17/05/2022 11:06

AntarcticTern · 17/05/2022 10:55

Yes agree. I think it is also a generational thing. My age group 50+ are more likely to drink at home because we are not so likely to go out socially on a regular basis .

boronia · 17/05/2022 11:16

I can take it or leave it.
We have wine and spirits in the house and it doesn't cross my mind to drink it unless we have friends over.
I'll have a Prosecco on a night out and that's it. Two at Christmas!
I think if you're still at the stage of being conscious of it being in the house and it's on your mind I'd get rid of it all.
Nothing wrong with having one if you're out if you don't want to be completely teetotal.
Good luck OP.

Desmondo2021 · 17/05/2022 11:26

Right this second I've got a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol as I had a night out and drank far too much! But generally I'll enjoy a glass or two of wine or a pint of cider at appropriate times, once a week on average I imagine. I used to drink a glass of wine or two most night but these days I'm too focussed on health, fitness and wellbeing so just enjoy it when a social occasion calls for it.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 17/05/2022 11:31

Occasional glass of wine with dinner, sometimes a fruity cider or beer at the weekend. Normally not more than 2, have been known to have more if it’s during a family bbq or something. I never ever drink to excess (anymore - did a lot in my 20s) as I don’t actually like a lot of alcohol and also I’m prone to headaches and migraines so am paranoid about triggering one.

I rarely really ‘crave’ an alcoholic drink. I’m more likely to fancy an ice cold Pepsi than something alcoholic.

rookiemere · 17/05/2022 11:56

It's definitely also an age thing. When I was younger I drunk a lot more, including what one would probably call binge levels of alcohol consumption on a night out.

I'd still say even then I had a healthy relationship with alcohol because whilst I enjoyed it to excess on occasion, I never consciously remember being desperate for a drink or finding excuses to drink.

HistoricMoment · 17/05/2022 12:00

I enjoy the taste of certain alcoholic drinks and will happily accept a glass of wine when offered. But I never actively think "I fancy a glass of wine". It just doesn't cross my mind. When I do drink, I feel like I've had enough after one glass (sometimes even less) and will stop drinking. No willpower involved.

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