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Original poster

What would be your opinion of neighbour after this?

110 replies

Ihatemyroad · 08/05/2022 18:27

Moved into house a couple of years ago. Regularly chat in passing with couple next door. Similar age late 30’s/early 40”s. We often take in parcels for them, have jump started one of their cars a few times, general nice neighbour type things.

We have a few items we need to take to the dump which isn’t far away, think old light highchair, toy pram, plastic kitchen bin. Our neighbour has a van. Yesterday I asked neighbour when he was going to the dump again and if I give him £10 would he take a few things for me? He would basically be going to the dump anyway, doing me a huge favour, and being given £10 to take a few light items. He said no. And then said “I’m off to the dump now”. And put a few things in his van and went.

I don’t know what to think. I’m really taken aback at him saying no and then telling me he was off to the dump that day anyway with a half empty van. So basically he just didn’t want to help me. I feel like saying ‘fuck you’ the next time they want a parcel taken in or their car jump started.

OP posts:
Fleurty · 09/05/2022 07:28

Popsicle33 · 08/05/2022 21:20

Judging by what your neighbours have already said, he clearly see sounds like a cunt. Get your own jump leads and ask another neighbour. And fuck the parcels!

He's a cunt for not freely handing out the tools of his trade, that he literally can't earn money without, to virtual strangers?

I'm sorry but you're completely clueless. Would you hand your work laptop over to a neighbour to borrow?

SilverPeacock · 09/05/2022 07:40

I think trades people with vans probably get the piss taken out of them if they allow it so he’s probably just not up it. I don’t blame him for that.

KangarooKenny · 09/05/2022 07:42

My male neighbour is a dick too, so I stopped taking parcels in for them. The delivery drivers know not to bother knocking now !

icelollycraving · 09/05/2022 07:47

Not lending tools is fine if they are his business ones. People can ask, he can say no.
You clearly have a car if you have jump started his, so I think it was rude to ask him to take your stuff to the dump.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 09/05/2022 07:59

WinterDeWinter · 08/05/2022 23:55

If he's refused to lend other neighbours a screwdriver then he definitely is just a prick. Go and asks for your jump leads back all
Smiley like and then next time he asks for a jumps start say ' no, sorry. Must go, got to do electrolysis on my chin. '

Why does that make him a prick?

The neighbours should get their own screwdriver and not rely on a tradesmen to lend them his!

In this scenario I'd say all the borrowing neighbours are pricks, tbh.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 09/05/2022 09:33

I'm surprised everyone thinks the neighbour is being a dick OP. I'd say you're the cheeky one.

A) you have a car so can easily take the trip to the tip yourself

B) at most tips work vans are weighed upon entry and exit and they pay according to how much they dump. That may be the case for your neighbour.

C) maybe the queue to the tip is long and he can't be arsed doing your job for you

D) I refer to point A.

Re: lending his tools. They are his for his work and probably, somewhere along the line, someone has borrowed and damaged or returned an item after too long a period of time and he has a blanket no lending rule. Totally up to him.

Buzzinwithbez · 09/05/2022 09:48

Maybe he was in a rush and couldn't wait around for you to add your things?

It doesn't matter why he said no. It's fine for you to ask and fine for him to say no.

I wouldn't think anything of it, other than it wasn't convenient for him to do you a favour this time.

AnnUumellmahaye · 09/05/2022 09:48

Outside of his tools and van, has he taken in any parcels, or been a good neighbour in other ways op.

user1471538283 · 09/05/2022 10:17

Honestly some people! Do not do them any more favors!

I've always taken parcels in and tried to be neighborly. However, after my last experience of always taking parcels in (and then having to take them around because they didn't pick them up), always being pleasant and my neighbors being so horrific I had to move I will never do this ever again.

Be really blunt next time with "no" whatever they ask.

Livpool · 09/05/2022 11:19

latetothefisting · 08/05/2022 23:29

Wow people will tie them up in knots on here to argue the most ridiculous excuses rather than just admitting neighbour is a twat.
Even if you can excuse him not being able to take ops stuff to the tip (doubtful as every one I've been to its per trip not per weight and they actively encourage you to do multiple drop offs of different items to.encourge recycling) AND if a tenner wasn't enough (and he ignored the cost of calling out the aa and driving to the depot to pick up his.parcels if op hadn't helped out) AND if he didn't want to help a neighbour out at miminum inconvenience to himself AND if he didn't feel any obligation to return a favour to someone who had helped him....even with all that how can you justify saying no (rudely) and then telling op he was off to the tip that minute? There was literally no need to tell her where he was going other than an extra "fuck you".

I would cease all favours op.

Completely agree with this.

Some people are just selfish pricks - happy to get favours but don't give them. I wouldn't be taking any more parcels in. I don't care if that is petty;

Rainbowshine · 09/05/2022 11:33

Those who are saying he’s unreasonable, would you lend a neighbour your work laptop for them to do some admin on? That’s what asking to borrow tools is the equivalent of for trades people. And the van and the license are his tools too. Waste licensing is more complicated than many people realise as posters have described. Misusing a license can result in losing it and sometimes criminal charges or the local paper “naming and shaming” all of which would be disastrous for his livelihood.

I don’t think the neighbour was unreasonable to refuse. They could have possibly been more polite and explanatory than the way the OP described them being. But that’s all.

Taking in parcels is not a direct comparison to the OP’s request in my view.

latetothefisting · 09/05/2022 11:40

HavfrueDenizKisi · 09/05/2022 09:33

I'm surprised everyone thinks the neighbour is being a dick OP. I'd say you're the cheeky one.

A) you have a car so can easily take the trip to the tip yourself

B) at most tips work vans are weighed upon entry and exit and they pay according to how much they dump. That may be the case for your neighbour.

C) maybe the queue to the tip is long and he can't be arsed doing your job for you

D) I refer to point A.

Re: lending his tools. They are his for his work and probably, somewhere along the line, someone has borrowed and damaged or returned an item after too long a period of time and he has a blanket no lending rule. Totally up to him.

A - yes op could have gone herself, in the same way the neighbour could have gone to the depot to collect his own parcels, bought his own jump leads, paid for the aa to come and restart his engine, all of which the op saved him time and money by helping him. That is what a favour is.
B - I think the weight of a few small plastic toys would have been more than covered by a tenner!
C - he was already going to the tip! So this is irrelevant

He's entitled to say no to requests for neighbourly favours, but therefore so is op from now on. Sounds like a good example of cutting off nose to spite face as per ops account he has had a lot of favours from her whereas this is the only one she's asked of him.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 09/05/2022 11:44

I think it’s okay for him to say no… he probably gets asked favours a lot because he’s a tradesman. And I definitely wouldn’t lend tools if my work depended on them. That’s like saying I should lend my laptop to neighbours (I wouldn’t).

However he should have made a polite excuse (I’m not allowed to take items for other people etc) rather than rubbing it in that he was going anyway. He probably thinks you’re a CF.

The parcels and jump leads aren’t really relevant because they are neighbourly things, not related to business. The equivalent would be if you’d done a favour for him through your work and then he refused.

Squillerman · 09/05/2022 11:45

I think he’s even more of a twat because you offered him money to do it and he still rejected it. Oh and the fact he was already on his way there makes it worse too. Obviously no longer do favours for him.

thecurtainsofdestiny · 09/05/2022 11:49

He's allowed to say no. Maybe he doesn't want to mix up business (if he was going to dump business waste) with personal - taking time out of his working day to deal with someone else's personal stuff.

Do they reciprocate any favours? For example would they take in parcels for you? If so I'd keep taking in their parcels. But if they never do anything to help you at all, I'd reconsider what you do for them.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/05/2022 11:52

His permit may only allow him to take waste generated by his own business, not collect other people's waste to take to the tip. Waste management rules can be extremely complex.

He's also well within his rights to not lend out his tools. So many people 'forget' to return them or treat them badly so they're returned damaged.

Also, what happened to 'no is a complete sentence'? It seems like on MN people are happy to advise saying this, but then get upset when on the receiving end.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 09/05/2022 12:24

@BackInBlackAgain I didn't say OP was being spiteful. I said she would be cutting off her nose to spite her face which means that'd she be foolish to withdraw any kind of neighbourly relationship just because a neighbour said no to something she asked him to do. I'm sure there'll be plenty of other things he will be happy to do. It was just a 'no' for this request.

worraliberty · 09/05/2022 12:30

While he was very rude about it, I can kind of see his point.

My brother has a van and he's absolutely pig sick of neighbours breezily saying "Oh, the next time you go to the dump, can you take this or that?" He used to do his best to accommodate the requests until one day he just had enough.

Also, I don't know where you live but a very basic 'dump run' around here is £30, so you could've come across as cheeky.

He didn't have to be so rude about it though. My brother just politely explains why he no longer does it.

drpet49 · 09/05/2022 12:35

Judging by what your neighbours have already said, he clearly see sounds like a cunt. Get your own jump leads and ask another neighbour. And fuck the parcels!

^This

I think he’s even more of a twat because you offered him money to do it and he still rejected it. Oh and the fact he was already on his way there makes it worse too. Obviously no longer do favours for him.

^And this

MajesticallyAwkward · 09/05/2022 12:45

I think he was rude in the way he said no, but not unreasonable to say no.

If it's a trade permit he would be scrutinised taking extra household waste. It's really strict. He may have a permit to take his business waste but not a waste carriers license in which case taking money to dispose of waste not connected to his job would get him into a lot of trouble and a hefty fine. You can take it yourself or arrange a proper waste carrier to remove your rubbish.

The tools is again understandable, it's his livelihood and they can be expensive. For all you know he's agreed in the past and not had something returned so doesn't want to risk that again. Just because someone has tools or a van doesn't mean they owe everyone else favours.

I'd be wary if souring relationships with neighbours over something trivial, you still have to live there.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 09/05/2022 12:51

It doesn’t have to sour relationships.

if he can say no, then so can she going forward.

WhatDoIDoNow3 · 09/05/2022 13:01

Fleurty · 08/05/2022 19:27

My DH is a tradesman. Firstly, he never lends tools. They are his livelihood, they cost a significant amount of money (more than the DIY versions) and people seem to be bad at giving them back, or giving them back in same condition.

Secondly, he gets constant requests for favours because he has a van. Could you help me pick up this furniture, help me take this to the tip, spend your weekend helping me move. He says yes to his mum, sister and best friend. He says no to everyone else or he would spend all his spare time doing 'just a little favour' for all and sundry. He is quite blunt when he says no to stop people asking him again.

Also, there are very strict rules about tradespeople taking money to dispose of waste. It isn't a case of he as a tip licence so he can take money to take tour waste. He would have a significant problem doing his job if he lost his tip licence for inappropriate use.

Honestly though, if OP is actively doing things to help the neighbour, they could've either offered to be nice or explained why they can't. Responding bluntly is uncalled for and childish behaviours. OP shouldn't take in anything else or bother to help them ever again.

worraliberty · 09/05/2022 13:07

I'd love to hear the neighbour's side because his response was very unusual, given the otherwise neighbourly relationship.

SirChenjins · 09/05/2022 13:09

Of course he can say no - but the vast majority of people who are lucky enough to live next to neighbours who help them out when they need it would have said 'I'm sorry I can't take your X Y Z to the tip as my licence/whatever doesn't allow that'. They don't just say no without an explanation.

If he's a tradesperson who feels he's asked for favours too often then you can be a neighbour who also feels they're asked for favours too often.

theemmadilemma · 09/05/2022 13:17

If he's a trademan I can understand not lending out tools. But yeah next time he asks for jump leads, just say 'No' and before you close the door say your off to jump start your car now. Fucker.