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Original poster

What would be your opinion of neighbour after this?

110 replies

Ihatemyroad · 08/05/2022 18:27

Moved into house a couple of years ago. Regularly chat in passing with couple next door. Similar age late 30’s/early 40”s. We often take in parcels for them, have jump started one of their cars a few times, general nice neighbour type things.

We have a few items we need to take to the dump which isn’t far away, think old light highchair, toy pram, plastic kitchen bin. Our neighbour has a van. Yesterday I asked neighbour when he was going to the dump again and if I give him £10 would he take a few things for me? He would basically be going to the dump anyway, doing me a huge favour, and being given £10 to take a few light items. He said no. And then said “I’m off to the dump now”. And put a few things in his van and went.

I don’t know what to think. I’m really taken aback at him saying no and then telling me he was off to the dump that day anyway with a half empty van. So basically he just didn’t want to help me. I feel like saying ‘fuck you’ the next time they want a parcel taken in or their car jump started.

OP posts:
TomAllenWife · 08/05/2022 19:03

Do you drive?

I wouldn't ask someone to take stuff to the tip for me unless I couldn't do it myself
I think you're a bit cheeky asking

Williamshatnershorses · 08/05/2022 19:04

Whatever happened to “no is a complete sentence? “. You asked him, he said no. He’s allowed to do that.

LIZS · 08/05/2022 19:04

I would bet others have taken advantage and he thought you might too

middleeasternpromise · 08/05/2022 19:08

You should probably follow up and ask, from his point of view, was that an inappropriate request? It may be he has had a difficult experience before where people have expected dump runs seeing as he appears to go every month. If something has happened before that went badly, he may well, understandably - be keeping it strictly business. I would want to check that out before resorting to tit for tat passive aggressive actions, neighbour hostilities can be a real blight on day to day life when they get going. Even if he has been a twat - polite distancing would probably be enough.

cushioncovers · 08/05/2022 19:09

I think he probably gets fed up with people asking him for favours just because he's a trades person. My brothers an electrician and you won't believe how many people have asked him for favours over the years. It's been constant and they've all expected him to do it for a couple of beers or for a bit of cash. He had to start saying a flat no to everyone years ago no matter how small the job or who it was he just says no.

HMG107 · 08/05/2022 19:12

If he’s asked a lot that would explain it. I hate when people borrow things as I’m on edge until they come back. There’s also the wear and tear on the tools for his work and it doesn’t sound like his generosity has been appreciated or he’s been truly compensated for his time/labour/costs to his business

If your going to stop any nicesties the first time he puts a boundary in place it’s no wonder he’s a bit jadded

emuloc · 08/05/2022 19:13

ChanceNorman · 08/05/2022 18:53

There must be more to it op.

He surely didn't just say 'No. I'm going to the dump now'.

I mean people don't do that, unless they're a literal psycho.

Did he explain? Bluster? Look uncomfortable or angry?

I feel like you've only given half a story tbh.

This. No one on here has any idea of the size, or amount of stuff the OP wanted him to take. As per usual on here, posters are quick to label him, this and that.

MrsDeaconClaybourne · 08/05/2022 19:14

If he was worried about his permit he could have said no sorry I might get in trouble because of the permit, couldn't he, instead of being rude. Or made some other sort of excuse.

DH has a none work van and would have just said yes and refused your tenner. He'd have probably said buy me a drink/return a favour some time

amylou8 · 08/05/2022 19:16

Some councils now charge trade waste by weight. Permits are only for household waste, so if he had trade on board it may have been he was being charged. Or maybe he's just a twat.

PortalooSunset · 08/05/2022 19:22

Why can't you take them yourself?

PortalooSunset · 08/05/2022 19:23

MrsDeaconClaybourne · 08/05/2022 19:14

If he was worried about his permit he could have said no sorry I might get in trouble because of the permit, couldn't he, instead of being rude. Or made some other sort of excuse.

DH has a none work van and would have just said yes and refused your tenner. He'd have probably said buy me a drink/return a favour some time

Is it rude to say no then?! But its not rude to ask?

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 08/05/2022 19:24

Make a vow to yourself your parcel collection days are over...

Fleurty · 08/05/2022 19:27

My DH is a tradesman. Firstly, he never lends tools. They are his livelihood, they cost a significant amount of money (more than the DIY versions) and people seem to be bad at giving them back, or giving them back in same condition.

Secondly, he gets constant requests for favours because he has a van. Could you help me pick up this furniture, help me take this to the tip, spend your weekend helping me move. He says yes to his mum, sister and best friend. He says no to everyone else or he would spend all his spare time doing 'just a little favour' for all and sundry. He is quite blunt when he says no to stop people asking him again.

Also, there are very strict rules about tradespeople taking money to dispose of waste. It isn't a case of he as a tip licence so he can take money to take tour waste. He would have a significant problem doing his job if he lost his tip licence for inappropriate use.

Shlomping1234 · 08/05/2022 19:32

When you pay for a permit to take waste to the dump, you're usually asked in advance the type of waste you'll be taking. So with plastic toys and a highchair not on his list he probably wouldn't be allowed to dispose of it. So in this case I don't think he was deliberately being an arse.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 08/05/2022 19:33

He is absolutely allowed to say no.

As are you whenever he asks for a favour.

I refuse anything for one of our neighbours after they accused me of stealing a prom dress. Fishwife stylee. France could have heard the racket.

A tiny slip of a prom dress mind you. It might have fitted my arm.

I asked to see the ticket they were left. It was at another neighbour’s house. No more.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 08/05/2022 19:35

You asked. He said no. You don't need to stop taking in parcels or lending jump leads. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face or start neighbour wars. He's done nothing wrong.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 08/05/2022 19:40

He may well be fed up of people asking favours with his van but if like you say you have regularly jump start his van and took parcels in which is a massive favour . Perhaps he got a sudden bout of amnesia and forgot all these favours you do so I’d also suddenly have amnesia too and return said favour .

TokyoTen · 08/05/2022 19:41

Perhaps he misheard or misunderstood totally? I can imagine DH getting muddled . Is that possible oe did you have a long convo about it?

SomethigWentBang · 08/05/2022 19:48

You don’t know the facts and reasons why he said no. You’re humiliated and looking for reassurance. Sensible people don’t lend tools.

BackInBlackAgain · 08/05/2022 19:49

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 08/05/2022 19:35

You asked. He said no. You don't need to stop taking in parcels or lending jump leads. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face or start neighbour wars. He's done nothing wrong.

So he can say no and that’s fine but if OP says no to jump starting his car she is being spiteful?

BorderlineHappy · 08/05/2022 19:54

Well in my book he's the CF.
Happy enough to get help jump-starting his van.
And for op to take parcels in.
But when the op needs help she's told no

No way would I be helping him anymore.

Honeyroar · 08/05/2022 19:55

He’s perfectly entitled to say no. That’s not the issue. It’s how he said no - rubbing her face in the fact that he was going to the tip immediately afterwards. If he’d said sorry no I can’t, my permit won’t let me take other stuff, or I really don’t want the extra hassle, etc, fair enough. But he meant to be rude. I just don’t understand why.

clarasara · 08/05/2022 19:57

I think you have pissed him off for some other reason! He is a knob.

Icecreamandapplepie · 08/05/2022 20:01

Yikes. He's a moron.

Maybe his partner is nice and would be appalled at his behaviour?

Is it her you usually chat to?

Stressybetty · 08/05/2022 20:01

Sounds to me that he has a rule of never lending tools and using his van and permit to dump people's rubbish. Like others have said he's probably been taken advantage of in the past by friends and family and has put his foot down. I wouldn't fall out with him at all, he probably felt very awkward refusing.