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Original poster

What's wrong with casual sex?

78 replies

gothereagain · 07/05/2022 21:52

Put this in chat as I'd prefer a range of answers over the sex board.

I enjoy casual sex. I've been (happily for the most part) married and had a couple of long term relationships however I much prefer casual sex. The best sex I've had has been with partners I've not been in relationships with.

But I find people get really shocked when I say things like that. Why?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 07/05/2022 21:54

But I find people get really shocked when I say things like that. Why?

Who are these 'people' you are discussing your love of casual sex with?

KangarooKenny · 07/05/2022 21:56

years ago, women who enjoyed different partners would be a slag, yet men were a stud. Times don’t change too much.

Original poster
gothereagain · 07/05/2022 21:57

Sparklingbrook · 07/05/2022 21:54

But I find people get really shocked when I say things like that. Why?

Who are these 'people' you are discussing your love of casual sex with?

Friends, people who ask why I'm not in a relationship (not usually that directly, but that's the essence of the question) such as my sister or some acquaintances. I'm not blunt, I don't say "because I prefer casual sex" but I will often say I don't want one and they ask if I miss sex etc, and I say I don't because I still get plenty (not that bluntly either).

OP posts:
StrawberryMargarita · 07/05/2022 21:58

I don’t know why, but I’m the same. I think I feel more free and less worried about how I look or am performing, I don’t care as much.

KaraVanPark · 07/05/2022 22:01

Because women are meant to only be with one sexual partner fir life else they’re a slut. Because social norms are shit for women.
because sex is to enjoyed by men who can shag who they like.
I dated a guy once who said he’d like me to dress up in a mini skirt, tight top, very high stilettos… so I did.he was all over me then dtd then as he was leaving he looked me up and down and said I don’t like you acting like a slapper dressed up like that, look at yourself!!!

bloodywhitecat · 07/05/2022 22:02

There is nothing wrong with casual sex so long as both parties are in agreement.

Original poster
gothereagain · 07/05/2022 22:02

KangarooKenny · 07/05/2022 21:56

years ago, women who enjoyed different partners would be a slag, yet men were a stud. Times don’t change too much.

Yes, I guess that's what mean really. Why are women seen as slags and sluts?

I was called a slag when I was younger, and it pushed me in to relationships I didn't really want to be in (but I wanted sex). I don't like being in relationships particularly.

OP posts:
CherrySocks · 07/05/2022 22:24
  • Reasons some people don't like the idea of casual sex for themselves:
  • they prefer physical intimacy to be combined with emotional intimacy
  • they don't want strangers putting any part of their body into any part of their own body
  • they don't want any risk of getting pregnant with a person they don't have a strong connection with
  • they would feel vulnerable getting undressed with someone they aren't in a relationship with
  • they aren't carefree sensual physical creatures but careful cautious creatures
  • they view sex as something special, meaningful, intentional
Discovereads · 07/05/2022 22:28

Everyone’s different. And while women who like casual sex do get called sluts or slags, women who do not like casual sex get called frigid or prudes. You’re dammed either way.

Georgeskitchen · 07/05/2022 22:41

Nothing wrong with casual sex, as long as you can trust the person, it's the safety aspect more than anything IMO

Original poster
gothereagain · 07/05/2022 22:42

Discovereads · 07/05/2022 22:28

Everyone’s different. And while women who like casual sex do get called sluts or slags, women who do not like casual sex get called frigid or prudes. You’re dammed either way.

Yes, you just can't win.

OP posts:
TolkiensFallow · 07/05/2022 22:45

I think it’s great but lots of people can’t seperate sex from feelings.

GrumpyTerrier · 07/05/2022 22:46

It's judged cos of all the usual rubbish about how women should be. Logically as long as everyone consents and it's done safely, there is nothing wrong with it.

FabulousKilljoys · 07/05/2022 22:51

Nothing wrong with causal sex. It's the only kind I'm interested in since my marriage ended.

HeadNorth · 07/05/2022 22:52

I hear you, I never had any issues with casual sex. Ok one of them turned into 30+ years and counting of monogamy, although according to Mumsnet he shouldn’t have respected me and that doesn’t happen.

It comes down to personality, I have a daughter like me who finds it easy to sleep around and another who doesn’t. No right and wrongs, just be true to yourself.

Ponderingwindow · 07/05/2022 22:55

casual sex as defined as a no strings relationship with a long known and trusted individual doesn’t really puzzle me. It’s not something I’m particularly interested in, but I understand why people have those encounters and I could see myself doing the same under the right circumstances.

casual sex as defined as sex with someone you don’t know well or recently met terrifies me. Going to an isolated location and making yourself especially physically vulnerable with a stranger is just too risky.

Oblomov22 · 07/05/2022 22:59

Nothing wrong with casual sex.

But many of our basic desires go deep, eg for most the emotions that go with it develop, eventually into love, and you want that person alone.

Plus not all, but when young many women subconsciously look to find a father for their children that will provide a stable family life for said children.

Is your ability to turn off the emotions, and concentrate more on the physical, a result of previous abuse?

Original poster
gothereagain · 07/05/2022 23:01

Ponderingwindow · 07/05/2022 22:55

casual sex as defined as a no strings relationship with a long known and trusted individual doesn’t really puzzle me. It’s not something I’m particularly interested in, but I understand why people have those encounters and I could see myself doing the same under the right circumstances.

casual sex as defined as sex with someone you don’t know well or recently met terrifies me. Going to an isolated location and making yourself especially physically vulnerable with a stranger is just too risky.

I've done both. I get there are risks, but I am a bit of a risk taker. I have been raped, but not due or in relation to casual sex and I only know one woman who was raped by a casual hook-up others it's been male friends, long term boyfriends and child sexual abuse.

I can totally see why it isn't for other people though. In the same way I have no desire for any more relationships. We're all different.

OP posts:
Original poster
gothereagain · 07/05/2022 23:07

Oblomov22 · 07/05/2022 22:59

Nothing wrong with casual sex.

But many of our basic desires go deep, eg for most the emotions that go with it develop, eventually into love, and you want that person alone.

Plus not all, but when young many women subconsciously look to find a father for their children that will provide a stable family life for said children.

Is your ability to turn off the emotions, and concentrate more on the physical, a result of previous abuse?

No, I've never been abused. I was raped once but that was separate to casual sex (and not before it started).

I do have 2 kids, who have a wonderful, involved, engaged father who I co-parent wonderfully with and we're great friends. I love him. I'm just not in love with him (nor am I still married to him).

I wouldn't say I turn off my emotions or even really separate them, I just don't get easily attached. I have great friends and I've had sex with some of them. But I don't feel the need, or gain benefit from a long term emotional and sexual relationship.

OP posts:
Penguinsaregreat · 07/05/2022 23:10

I think women are more at risk from someone they know.
Perhaps its a fear that if women enjoy casual sex, they will stop setting down and will demand better, thus leaving plenty of men on the shelf as it were.
I don’t care as long as all concerned are consenting adults.

FabulousKilljoys · 07/05/2022 23:10

I wouldn't say I turn off my emotions or even really separate them, I just don't get easily attached. I have great friends and I've had sex with some of them. But I don't feel the need, or gain benefit from a long term emotional and sexual relationship.

This sums me up too OP. For me the annoying bit is when people say things like 'but don't you need to be emotionally attached to have sex with someone?' Nope. I don't!

quietnightmare · 07/05/2022 23:15

You saying you love casual sex is no big deal. Feel bad that the best sex you have had is not in a relationship. Find yourself someone who makes you comfortable and you love to change that

Original poster
gothereagain · 07/05/2022 23:22

quietnightmare · 07/05/2022 23:15

You saying you love casual sex is no big deal. Feel bad that the best sex you have had is not in a relationship. Find yourself someone who makes you comfortable and you love to change that

But why?

My husband made me very comfortable. I just don't enjoy being in a relationship. Why should I feel bad? I've had some absolutely amazing sex! And I don't mean orgasms. I don't ever have issues getting to orgasm, but great sex needs more than that- and for me the more is not emotional connection, it is for some people and that's fine but I don't find sex better with that emotional connection. For example, I had sex with exDH prior to having an emotional connection. The sex was great. We grew an emotional connection and the sex remained great. But it wasn't better.

OP posts:
Original poster
gothereagain · 07/05/2022 23:25

FabulousKilljoys · 07/05/2022 23:10

I wouldn't say I turn off my emotions or even really separate them, I just don't get easily attached. I have great friends and I've had sex with some of them. But I don't feel the need, or gain benefit from a long term emotional and sexual relationship.

This sums me up too OP. For me the annoying bit is when people say things like 'but don't you need to be emotionally attached to have sex with someone?' Nope. I don't!

Yes, I get that some people do, but I don't!

For me there are lots of different types of sex. Some people prefer one type over another.

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 07/05/2022 23:32

Personally it's because all but one of the women I know who have had abortions were pregnant from ONS with alcohol involved. I think needing a drink to have sex is quite telling, as is making the decision to have sex with a relative stranger after drinking. Also I see it as a more likely way to get herpes (which is a numbers game).

However, if by casual you mean pre-planned (specifying what you like in order to feel safe and satisfied) safe sex for sex's sake with someone you have reason to trust but are not dating then I see that as a conscious consensual decision to meet your needs and don't have negative feelings about it.