What's wrong with casual sex?

[gothereagain]

Put this in chat as I'd prefer a range of answers over the sex board.

I enjoy casual sex. I've been (happily for the most part) married and had a couple of long term relationships however I much prefer casual sex. The best sex I've had has been with partners I've not been in relationships with.

But I find people get really shocked when I say things like that. Why?

I used to tell my sons that there’s no such thing as casual sex, really. It might feel like there is, but until contraception is 100% effective, and STDs are eradicated, it should involve planning and a bit of thought.

Nothing is wrong really. For men though there is no such thing as casual sex. Through misandry in the medical industry they don't have access to hormonal contraceptives and are reliant on condoms for contraception. So every sexual interaction they run the risk of condom failure (it does happen between 1:10 and 1:20 times) and be on the hook for CMS payments with no choice. So yes casual sex is great but that doesn't exist for men (unless you hide your identity so can't be traced).

Luckily I've never had this issue!

And for the poster who says they judge.. can I ask why? And why you think your judging makes any difference to people?

I find its mostly women who judge other women for this and someone will be along soon to ask why you dont respect yourself enough.

I dont have a problem with it but its not for me as I need the strings attached.

I do not understand any man or woman who wants just casual stuff but people can do what they want. However I don’t get all these people going in to such intimate details with each other.

Jesus

Huh. The amount of unpaid CMS money is in the billions, it's pretty easy to get away without paying it.

Why would someone need counselling? I'm happy without a relationship. It's not a priority for some people.

There's potential for unwanted pregnancy in a relationship too. Someone in a serious relationship is probably having sex more often than someone who has the odd casual hook up.

That wasn't what I meant and I think you know all that. I often quite fancy living on my own (with obnoxious ds1 sitting A'levels soon).

Humans have higher emotional intelligence that many other mammals. We are supposed to interact and our desire for affection and warmth is higher than a lot of the animal kingdom.

Casual sex is often considered a male trait. They can just physically shag with no emotion and move on. Rightly or wrongly not considered such a female trait.

Sex and emotion is more the norm. Than not the norm. It normally develops more strongly as time goes on aswell. If it's the norm, isn't it perfectly reasonable to ask OP if there's a reason why she doesn't have it?

If she is emotionally satisfied in all other areas of life, fine. But she may be detached, may have been hurt before. Thus the counselling suggestion.

Why though? Just because it's not "the norm" doesn't mean there's something wrong.

Personally I don't believe that monogamy in humans is natural and considering how many people (men usually) cheat I often wonder why people desire marriage and commitment.

No, I'm not emotionally detached. I just have a variety of fulfilling relationships, through friends and family, I don't feel the need to be in a monogamous sexual relationship.

Condoms don't prevent transmission of HPV

I had lots of great casual sex before I got married. I don’t see the problem with it if you’re a grown up, it’s consensual and you enjoy yourself.

So according to this thread women who enjoy casual sex are likely to:

Have been abused
Are emotionally detached
Require therapy/counselling
Unable to use contraception responsibility
Unable to protect themselves from STDs.
Unlikely to orgasm

When will we stop judging, labelling and stigmatising women?

But there is planning, I'm on the pill and I carry condoms. But there's the risk of unwanted pregnancy in a relationship as well so I don't see it as any different. I don't want more kids, that wouldn't change if I were married again.

No, but as I said upthread, I was diagnosed with HPV (the strains that cause cancer but possibly others, they only test for those strains unless you have other symptoms) after only 2 sexual partners, both of whom were pretty long term. So I don't really see that as an issue.

Charming isn't it. I knew after my last relationship ended that it's just not for me and I'm happier having no strings sex. I can easily separate love and sex because they're not one and the same.

Very disheartening, isn’t it? Some people really aren’t comfortable with the thought of some women following their own path in life and doing what makes them happy, just because it isn’t the traditional ‘marriage and kids’ path.

“Op, you are challenging the norm of being in a couple, forever. That is bound to upset people who stick with their partner as they thought it was the only option going. Also, many of my long married female friends have no libido any more so they don't understand. I tell them that it's because they are subconsciously bored, and a change of sex partner would see their libido come roaring back, but obviously that's a challenging message.”

This is judgemental about women who do not like casual sex.

So women are only with their partners because they think these men were their only option? Is this saying that ugly women only pretend to not like casual sex because they have a hard time finding more than one partner?

The women in long term relationships lose their sex drive out of subconscious boredom is what? A warning that if you don’t like or engage in casual sex you’ll turn into a nun with a shrivelled up vagina? The use it or lose it argument?

You don’t see an issue with passing on strains of HPV? Did you know they don’t just cause cervical cancer but also cancer of the penis? Adult men aren’t vaccinated - we only just started vaccinating boys aged 12/13 about 2 years ago

I can't say I do to be honest. I'm doing all I can to prevent STIs. Plus at a previous check up I'm now no longer carrying them and back to regular cervical screening timeframes.

Do you inform your sexual partners about your sti status so they could make an informed choice to proceed or decline?

No. Because I don't need to.

I’ve been in a monogamous relationship with my now husband for over 20 years and since high school, so casual sex has never been a thing for me, but I love sex and have a very high libido. If I was ever single, I’m sure I’d be having casual sex, and never have I judged anyone, male or female, for doing so!