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Original poster

What's wrong with casual sex?

78 replies

gothereagain · 07/05/2022 21:52

Put this in chat as I'd prefer a range of answers over the sex board.

I enjoy casual sex. I've been (happily for the most part) married and had a couple of long term relationships however I much prefer casual sex. The best sex I've had has been with partners I've not been in relationships with.

But I find people get really shocked when I say things like that. Why?

OP posts:
NeonK · 07/05/2022 23:35

The question asking if you've been abused is ridiculous, almost offensive. Would you ask a man that?

I too enjoy casual sex and don't equate sex with emotion. No, I haven't been abused.

I totally understand some (many) women do need an emotional connection for sex, why is it so hard for them to understand that equally, some of us don't.

FabulousKilljoys · 07/05/2022 23:41

I totally understand some (many) women do need an emotional connection for sex, why is it so hard for them to understand that equally, some of us don't.

This is something I've wondered too. I genuinely don't get why people find it so hard to understand that some of us don't need an emotional connection to have or enjoy sex.

Original poster
gothereagain · 07/05/2022 23:44

WTF475878237NC · 07/05/2022 23:32

Personally it's because all but one of the women I know who have had abortions were pregnant from ONS with alcohol involved. I think needing a drink to have sex is quite telling, as is making the decision to have sex with a relative stranger after drinking. Also I see it as a more likely way to get herpes (which is a numbers game).

However, if by casual you mean pre-planned (specifying what you like in order to feel safe and satisfied) safe sex for sex's sake with someone you have reason to trust but are not dating then I see that as a conscious consensual decision to meet your needs and don't have negative feelings about it.

I've never needed a drink to have sex. I have had sex after drinking alcohol, and with a stranger but I've never regretted it. I've never had an STI, though I do carry the HPV strain for cervical cancer, but was diagnosed with that after only 2 sexual partners! My only unplanned pregnancy was with DC2 when I was married and it was unplanned but not particularly unexpected!

OP posts:
SoftSheen · 07/05/2022 23:53

There's nothing 'wrong' with it, provided you are willing to accept responsibility for the possible consequences, which include higher risk of STDs and the potential for an unwanted pregnancy (the amount of risk proportional to how good your contraception is, but the risk is always there). Also that both participants are agreed on its being 'casual', with no risk of emotional upset...

WandaWomblesaurus · 08/05/2022 01:27

OP you nailed it when you said we are all different. As long as you are happy and feel safe and you aren't making anyone else unhappy, it's all good.
The bad aspects are being called names and the shaming. And worrying what people think.

James Bond does it all the time and he gets praised for it.

DoesItEverEnd · 08/05/2022 01:50

I like the newness of a partner

it doesn’t matter how good the sex is or who much I love someone after a while I want to have sex with a new partner

i have been told it’s because I’ve never had good intimate sex or been truly in love 🙄

it’s nothing to do with having great sex with someone or love

i think many feel this way but just do not admit it

TheDaydreamBelievers · 08/05/2022 01:53

I don't think there's anything morally wrong with it. But research suggests on first time sex with a new male partner, women are pretty unlikely to have an orgasm. That would put me off casual sex

ouch321 · 08/05/2022 02:19

I certainly wouldn't do it and I do judge it - both for men and women.

Disneydatknee88 · 08/05/2022 02:23

Wouldn't do it now as I'm happily married but I did go through a phase in my early 20s where I had a lot of casual sex. I came from a very Conservative religious background so it was liberating for me. It served its purpose and now I'm married I don't feel like I missed out on anything because of this if that makes sense? I'm definitely not against it as long as everyone is consenting.

SpringRainbow · 08/05/2022 05:56

If I ever gather up the courage to leave my marriage then I’ll only be getting sex if it’s casual.

I have no interest in long term relationships anymore.

lassof · 08/05/2022 06:46

TheDaydreamBelievers · 08/05/2022 01:53

I don't think there's anything morally wrong with it. But research suggests on first time sex with a new male partner, women are pretty unlikely to have an orgasm. That would put me off casual sex

This is true-ish for me. There's a sweet spot between 'stranger sex' and 'long term partner' sex where you know each other well but not too well. Picking better sex partners helps as well. I don't have a problem with this any more. It was the 'drunken one nighters' of my youth which didn't end in orgasm.
Op, you are challenging the norm of being in a couple, forever. That is bound to upset people who stick with their partner as they thought it was the only option going. Also, many of my long married female friends have no libido any more so they don't understand. I tell them that it's because they are subconsciously bored, and a change of sex partner would see their libido come roaring back, but obviously that's a challenging message.
Personally, loving my life. I am very experimental and have a great time.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 08/05/2022 07:04

ouch321 · 08/05/2022 02:19

I certainly wouldn't do it and I do judge it - both for men and women.

@ouch321 what and why do you judge?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/05/2022 07:14

I prefer casual sex too OP. I don't want a relationship at all since my marriage ended 8 years ago.

I've never had casual sex with a stranger though as I'm never just attracted to someone from looks alone - I'm more attracted to personality. My casual sex has been in the form of FWB, and on one occasion an ex work colleague (both of them were single). I've not really been particularly bothered about sex lately but if I ever am again I'd like another FWB.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/05/2022 07:14

ouch321 · 08/05/2022 02:19

I certainly wouldn't do it and I do judge it - both for men and women.

Why? Fine not to want it for yourself but you have no right to judge people who do.

anywhichwaytoo · 08/05/2022 07:18

I love casual sex too OP!

I love having a few drinks, picking a guy from the bar and going home with him for a bit of wild and fun sex. Exploring each other's bodies, and just having a good old hard f*

I love my husband and the sex is good, but it's not animalistic anymore if that makes sense.

I slept around a lot in my youth and was labelled a slut. It wasn't nice. I'm glad times are changing and women can be open about enjoying casual (and safe!!) sex.

FrankGrillosFloof · 08/05/2022 07:19

If friends are judging you for enjoying casual sex, you need to change your friends.

Mummadeze · 08/05/2022 07:44

I definitely enjoyed the variety when I was single and having casual sex. Mostly I was happy to have one night stands but if I am honest, some experiences denigrated my self esteem. I also occasionally wanted to see the person again and was disappointed when that didn’t happen. But equally I disappointed some men for the reverse. I didn’t really care about what people thought at the time. I think most of my friends just enjoyed my stories to be honest. Samantha in Sex and the City did a lot to help towards acceptance in those days! And if I was out of my long term relationship now, as an older women, I would probably try casual sex again. I really don’t get why people judge anyone for things that don’t affect them or hurt anyone.

balalake · 08/05/2022 07:49

If it is safe sex, and both people who have this have no other expectations other than it is casual, then fine. What is wrong is cheating, affairs, and the kind of lying predominantly from men that are used for what for them is casual sex. Plenty of threads on the board give examples of the latter.

Sparklingbrook · 08/05/2022 08:31

FrankGrillosFloof · 08/05/2022 07:19

If friends are judging you for enjoying casual sex, you need to change your friends.

Or stop discussing your sex live with them.

ginandbearit · 08/05/2022 08:41

I've never had casual sex .....its always been fraught with anxiety...

Taxi ...

Original poster
gothereagain · 08/05/2022 09:12

ouch321 · 08/05/2022 02:19

I certainly wouldn't do it and I do judge it - both for men and women.

But why do you judge it? That's what I'm interested in. What do you feel is wrong with it that makes it worthy of negative judgement? Or me of that negative judgement?

OP posts:
Original poster
gothereagain · 08/05/2022 09:14

TheDaydreamBelievers · 08/05/2022 01:53

I don't think there's anything morally wrong with it. But research suggests on first time sex with a new male partner, women are pretty unlikely to have an orgasm. That would put me off casual sex

Thankfully I don't have that issue. I orgasm very easily. I bet if I didn't I wouldn't enjoy it so much.

OP posts:
Palmtreechacha · 08/05/2022 09:15

There’s nothing wrong with it. But it does hold some risks- eg going home with a man you don’t know is potentially risky from a safety point of view. Equally, not protecting yourself during sex is risky as you could get an STD.

If you are ok with those risks then crack on, but I do understand why some people may think it’s not the wisest idea due to the above. That said, it’s really no one else’s business what you do.

Oblomov22 · 08/05/2022 09:26

"I just don't enjoy being in a relationship." Would you say you were emotionally detached? Have you ever had counselling about this?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 08/05/2022 09:32

Nothing at all wrong with casual sex. I enjoy it despite being engaged Grin
however the reason my fiancé is the best sex of my life is not (just)because we love each other but more so because there are no inhibitions or embarrassment or awkwardness and we speak totally openly about what we want to do and don't. Do you have that kind of relationship with your husband?

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