To ask how parents fit it all in after school?

[Popeee17]

I'm a sahp/carer. Both my children have sen, which probably changes things. Dp works long hours often til late but is a hands on dad.

we live 5 minutes away from school (both go mainstream for now!) so no travelling involved. we are home by 3.20 ish.

by the time we get home, I empty bags, I wipe over shoes (muddy rural areas so always lagged), clean out drinks bottles, lunch boxes etc, laundry, cook dinner for kids , clean up and bath time, see to the dog, it's already bed time and I've barely had time to eat myself and often skip dinner (Dp works shifts where he is quite often not home at dinner time, kids always eat !) Quite often this time of year we go to the park for 20 minutes after school too. We rarely go out anywhere after school!

But I still find it a massive massive rush. Routine is important here too though.

other parents I know work til late, other kids go to clubs after school (not just meaning the school clubs, often sports clubs out of the village), brownies, rainbows etc. Other parents drive quite far to get their kids to and from school. One parent I know drives her kids here from over 30 minutes away (they used to live here and she wanted to keep them in school here). I'm in awe of her, her kids go to lots of clubs, she then has to pick up her secondary age kids and her hubby from work. Yet still manages it all. She seems to have it all together.

my question is, do other parents find the afternoons after school hard work or is it just me?! I appreciate that others may think j have a lot of time on my hands being a sahp but it's just non bloody stop. I struggle to relax until everything's done.

my kids are full on though and do lack independence, which doesn't help. They can't really do a huge amount for themselves, even going to the toilet so I'm up and down and back and forth a lot. I'm bloody exhausted.

things are certainly less full on when Dp is on an early shift and home for the afternoon school run! An extra pair of hands makes a huge difference!

what's your afternoon routine after school?

I agree OP I find the after school period up until bedtime one mad rush, and I have a DH who is very hands on and WFH!

We never do clubs or any after school activities. Get in around 3:30, I sort out bags and give out snacks, then cook dinner for 5pm, then by the time everyone has eaten and bathed it's 7pm. Youngest goes up to bed at 7:30.

This must depend a lot on the age of your kids and how much you can let them be alone.
I have always asked mine to empty their own bags.
I don't wipe over shoes, but if they're muddy they have to put them on outside the following day.
I put drinks bottles and boxes on the side and wash them when I do the dinner things.
I only cook one meal and eat it with the DC.
I let them watch Tv whilst I cook.
I do the laundry when the DC are at school or in bed.
I hate dogs.

one DC does 5 activities a week, 2 within walking distance and two I lift share so usually only do one trip a week.
Other does 2, one walking , one by bus.

I do an awful lot of prep when the kids aren't around. Mine are 9 and 7.

we get home from school on a non club night at 4.15. First 15 mins is unpacking bags. 4.30 I cook (or reheat something and add veg. I'm a HUGE fan of the batch lady). 5 we eat. 5.15 I tidy whilst kids do reading/music practice. 6pm they get half an hour of tv whilst I busy about. 6.30 they get ready for bed whilst I put washing away etc. 7 story. 7.15 I'm downstairs on the sofa with chocolate! Kids have good hot school dinners. So dinner is often something simple like baked potato or scrambled egg on toast. I would no more think of making a shepherds pie on a Tuesday than I would flying to the moon. I'll make 3
mahoosive ones on a Sunday afternoon and freeze. They're big enough to feed 8 so will do us 2 dinners in a row.

3 nights a week we get home at 5.30. Kids eat a pack tea in the car. I eat as soon as I get in (tends to be something I made earlier). No tv on a club night just reading, music batch and bed. I have two sets of pack tea bits so I wash them up once the kids are in bed. I pre make sandwiches and wraps and freeze.

don't beat yourself up though. You say yours have SEN - sounds like that makes a huge difference.

I'm not sure what is taking up all the time, unless you are cooking wonderful complex meals every day (in which case that'll be it!).

We don't get home until 6 most days, and it's not that much of a rush. Mind you homework is minimal, no pets, and except in hot weather a bath every 2 days is fine. Also bedtime may be up to 8:30.

Ah, you are all eating dinner at 5pm! That seems extremely early - it's more like 7pm here.

DD is 7 and me and DH both WFH.

DH will walk and pick her up, only 5 minutes away, then she comes in, lunchbox next to the sink ready for when the pots are done later, shoes and coat off, she does any homework or a craft activity or plays in the garden until DH finishes work at 4pm.

I work till 5/6pm dependant on what calls I have booked, so DH sorts dinner, usually a bung it in the oven for 30 minutes or pasta/stir fry on the hob.

Washing up after dinner includes lunch box, which then goes onto the table and any non perishables are pre packed in there ready for the next day eg an apple, packet of crisps, just so it's started and ready for the morning.

When it's dry laundry is done first thing in the morning and hung out on the line. In the winter it's put on while dinner is cooking then moved to the tumble dryer.

We take it in turns to do bedtime, but general routine is to go up at 6.30pm, play quietly with DD for 45 minutes, then she has a wash, into nightie, quiet reading for 15 minutes and light out.

Housework gets done in the evening after she's in bed.

I have one child at secondary school and one at primary. They sound older than yours. I always felt like I was run ragged when they were little and mine had no SEN.

For mine, there is a club every night for at least one of them, plus they both have one on Saturday. And a football match on a Sunday... It's actually three activities each (including swimming and guides/cubs) but some have more than one night.

I get one night per week where I have one of them by myself to do homework and watch TV (while DH takes the other one) and it is lovely.

They really enjoy what they do. But I personally get very overwhelmed by too much going on so I never thought my life would be like this! I would not recommend it as a lifestyle!

Kids empty own bags.
I wouldn't clean shoes every day.
Washing up of lunch stuff happens after dinner, when I'm washing up anyway (and the kids do it maybe once a week).
Eat with the kids.
Kids help hang up laundry (tho when I was a SAHM, id get that done before the kids came home)
I hate mondays where there are 3 potential after school clubs!

It gets easier as bedtime gets slightly later, and they become more independent or able to assist.

Lone parent here work full time, DS is 7 and does 3 clubs.

I take my lunch hour to accommodate the school pick up at 3.20. I then return home to finish of admin till 5pm. I then cook tea, do homework, or on certain days it's travel to said club and have tea after we get home, then it's TV, shower and bed for him.

When he's in bed at 8pm. I do the dishes, pack tomorrow's lunches, wipe the kitchen down. I'll then give the living room a quick tidy and dust run the hoover over. I'm normally sat dawn by 9:30pm at the latest, spend an hour or so watching TV and scrolling social media. Lights out at 11 and repeat 🤷🏻‍♀️

Home by 6 after After School Club. They have a snack, I read with the youngest, we get their bags and clothes ready for the morning and that’s about it really. They might wind down with the TV, I read to the youngest, have a chat with the eldest, then they go to bed to either sleep or read.

Obviously if you have other needs to look after that changes things.

Could you outline what you are doing with those 3-4 hours?

What bit specifically is taking so long? On the face if it it doesn't seem like much to do. Why don't you eat with the children? Stack the dishwasher as you go along? Put pans in soak whilst you eat. Water bottles and lunchboxes take a cursory rinse under a tap surely. Wellies for the school run seems a better option than cleaning school shoes every day!

Also it sounds like you’re doing a lot of jobs after school you could be doing during the day - laundry, dinner prep, tidying, maybe getting some of their lunch ready…?

Laundry is done at the weekend, dinner is always something quick and I eat with them, clearing up and dishes take 10 minutes max. I think I probably just have low standards!

Thanks all. Shoes get wiped every day here as it's a muddy area but not so bad during the summer to be honest. My oldest is 11 so you'd think he'd be able to empty his bag and take a shower himself but he struggles with basic skills 😪

I just feel like we get no down time before bed.

I literally clean up and do laundry all day and then it all goes to pot again when they get home 😅

I think I'm just having a wobble. My partners shifts have changed somewhat and I'm all out of sync and not quite used to it! he'd often not be home after school but more so now.

i can't get much done in the evening when they are in bed because one is a light sleeper (the other sleeps through anything though). Have to tread on egg shells as if he wakes up he'll be up all night! 😴

I get a huge amount done in the day. It just doesn't stop here 😪! 2 loads of laundry each day too!

Can you make the dinner during the day while they’re at school? Bolognaise, fish pie, prep the veg for cooking etc to make that quicker? Can they wear wellies on the school run to reduce shoe cleaning? Definitely eat with the kids if you don’t have time otherwise (good for them too).

If you're a SAHP couldn't you just prep most of it during the day while they're at school?

I can easily cook dinner (or at least prep most of the labour intensive stuff) during the day.

I also have all the school lunch boxes ready for the next day (DD has ASD and won't eat school meals).

I work school hours and have 3 DC of whom the youngest is 2 and demanding, and they do activities. I try and do more of the chores in my lunch break (I mostly work from home) or in the evening after they've gone out of bed, the 2 year old is too hands on.

So for example, I either make snacks for them the night before or at lunchtime, so they are ready to hand out, no prep required. Dinner is either batch cooked and out the freezer, slow cooked so already on, a tray bake (so all I have to do is put it in the oven) or a quick stir fry where I've pre chopped all the veg. Sorting out lunch boxes happens in the evening, as would folding up laundry. Instead, I try and do something to wind the DC down after school like play in the garden or play with playdough.

I am constantly flustered! I am a teacher and my DC go to after-school club. Twice a week I can leave at 4.15 and collect them for activities, the other nights I get them later. DH collects one night.
My week looks like this:
Monday: collect from after-school club at 4.30. Get DD2 changed and take to an activity that starts at 5. Come back and cook dinner. Collect DD2 at 6.30. Get back and eat dinner then drop DD1 at an activity 7.30, pick up at 9.
Tuesday: collect at 4.30. DD1 goes to an activity at 5, luckily taken by a friend. I take DD2 swimming at 6. Collect DC2 on the way home at 7. Get back, cook pasta.
Wednesday: work until 5. Take both DC to activities in opposite directions (DC1 can sometimes walk). Come home and make dinner. Pick up DC1 at 6.30 and DC2 at 7.00.

Thursday: DH finishes early and picks DC up so I can stay at work until 6.
Friday. Pick up DC 5-5.30. No activities.

Weekend: more activities and church.

In between I have to sort packed lunches, PE kits, homework, music practice and catch up with school work. I have to give up on sleep!

DH works further away and is usually back late so doesn't do much for the DC. He does do almost all the housework, although I cook. I used to be very into cooking from scratch but now I use more convenience foods.

Really my DC do far too many activities but they started them all when I used to work part-time and I felt too guilty to make them give them up when I went full time.

Almost all our laundry is done at weekends. O only iron school uniform and that's always done on Sundays Packed lunches are made the night before. I would rather they had school dinner but DC2 is very fussy. I have reminders set ony phone for any extra things I have to remember like PE kits or taking musical instrument to school.

i think your standards must be incredibly high. I'm a farmer and have never wiped a shoe in my life. A good stamp outside on a really muddy day but other than that a polish once a term.

have you seen THe organised mum method? It's a bit prescriptive but during stressful times in my life I do way too much housework as it's something I can control. I find this method really helpful

Dh and I both work, but I actually find the afternoons quite long and boring! Lots of trying to entertain everyone and fill time. My dc (9 & 4) don’t have SEN though.

2 loads of washing a day? Why?

Have you tried doing slow cooker meals some days?
I find this contributes to making things easier sometimes

Because my children produce a lot of dirty laundry between them. Plus dp's work clothes etc! I can't skip a load else it'll be even more the next day! 😪

Could you do the laundry while the DC are at school? If you're cooking something labour intensive for dinner, could you cook it while the DC are at school and then heat it up quickly when you get in from school? Something like stew or a casserole or lasagne or curry that heats up well. Even if you did this once or twice a week, it would help. And there would be minimal cleaning up afterwards - just plates, knives and forks to be put in the dishwasher. Or else cook extra portions at the weekend and freeze some of them. Seems mad that you're rushing around all evening to the point that you're skipping dinner.