To ask how parents fit it all in after school?

[Popeee17]

I'm a sahp/carer. Both my children have sen, which probably changes things. Dp works long hours often til late but is a hands on dad.

we live 5 minutes away from school (both go mainstream for now!) so no travelling involved. we are home by 3.20 ish.

by the time we get home, I empty bags, I wipe over shoes (muddy rural areas so always lagged), clean out drinks bottles, lunch boxes etc, laundry, cook dinner for kids , clean up and bath time, see to the dog, it's already bed time and I've barely had time to eat myself and often skip dinner (Dp works shifts where he is quite often not home at dinner time, kids always eat !) Quite often this time of year we go to the park for 20 minutes after school too. We rarely go out anywhere after school!

But I still find it a massive massive rush. Routine is important here too though.

other parents I know work til late, other kids go to clubs after school (not just meaning the school clubs, often sports clubs out of the village), brownies, rainbows etc. Other parents drive quite far to get their kids to and from school. One parent I know drives her kids here from over 30 minutes away (they used to live here and she wanted to keep them in school here). I'm in awe of her, her kids go to lots of clubs, she then has to pick up her secondary age kids and her hubby from work. Yet still manages it all. She seems to have it all together.

my question is, do other parents find the afternoons after school hard work or is it just me?! I appreciate that others may think j have a lot of time on my hands being a sahp but it's just non bloody stop. I struggle to relax until everything's done.

my kids are full on though and do lack independence, which doesn't help. They can't really do a huge amount for themselves, even going to the toilet so I'm up and down and back and forth a lot. I'm bloody exhausted.

things are certainly less full on when Dp is on an early shift and home for the afternoon school run! An extra pair of hands makes a huge difference!

what's your afternoon routine after school?

I often slow cook meals, so that can be prepped much earlier in the day (sometimes before kids up). I wonder if that might help?

I also precook things like rice, and run under cold tap and refrigerate or freeze immediately after cooking and then it just needs a quick blast in microwave. I batch cook at weekends, so often meals are reheated in microwave. Use all easy shortcuts going, such as frozen precut onion, easy veg such as frozen peas and corn in cobs. Carrots (fresh) are always served raw and cold. Kids don't care. I don't bother with desserts.

Things like baked potatoes cook themselves with v little attention needed.

A dishwasher does make a huge difference, and we tend to clear up kitchen/dinner/lunch boxes after clubs etc, but I can see that's not an option for you.

We have low standards and don't bother cleaning shoes. I also don't iron anything. Clothes that are clean often sit around in piles (sometimes unfolded), so time is not spent putting things away except at weekends. Unless weather is amazing we use tumble drier. So for us two loads of laundry is literally loading machine and putting on, then moving to tumble drier (and hanging out on airers the few items that don't go in). In summer we do peg things out, but sometimes it sits out overnight before I get round to bringing it in. As I said, low standards.

Kids empty own bags etc, but also can see that's not an option for you with your kids SEN.

The calming down time after school sounds v time consuming and also draining. No wonder your time disappears.

Totally empathise...it's 22:23 and i'm only just finally getting a breather and some peace and quietness after picking up daughter from nursery at 6pm...i can start to catch up on life admin and tie up a few loose ends with work demands. I really dont know how others do it. So exhausted - only to wake up tomorrow and do it all over again. 🙃 #SendHelp!

Due to lots of maternity leave and then working part time, I was practically a SAHP for years, it was knackering and endless (not the DC, just the ‘stuff’) now I work full time somehow it is easier!

Agree don't underestimate the emotional exhaustion that comes from the post school meltdown tightrope. Sorry I mangled that point @Popeee17 the labelling was things in trays around the house with labels to help them organise themselves. 'Cups', 'shoes', 'cereal', etc and the same in their room, the hal etc.

When I'm not working days I'll pick up DD6 and be home by 3.20ish. We spend up to around 4pm doing not much, maybe playing together on Xbox or letting her watch TV. I then start cooking and dh arrives home about 4.30. Dinner and then relax. DD might have a bath but doesn't need supervising much with it, just checking now and again as long as I can hear her, all on one floor. Then bed by 8 for DD and us around midnight. Lunchbox in morning along with getting clothes out and bags ready.

I do washing whilst DD at school as well as cleaning and maybe getting dinner preready. I also work full-time shifts sometimes nights. I am doing a degree too so need to try factor in my dissertation but I get study days for that.

Two loads of washing per day is a lot. It's not necessary to wash clothes every day. What else do you wash? I wouldn't even make a load from the clothes 4 of us wear in a day. 14 loads a week is crazy.

What are you actually doing in the time? I manage to get kids home, reading done, tea cooked, bit of play, sometimes a bath then bed between 4.45ish and 7.

What jobs can you do during the day with no one home?

I'm a single parent, I work 30 hours per week, a combination of office based and home working. I have 2 primary aged DC who do 10 out of school activities per week between them. I definitely don't do 2 loads of laundry a day, or wipe any shoes, and dinners can sometimes be a bit haphazard (but usually fairly healthy). I think it helps that my DC are fairly good at getting ready for school or bed by themselves and can play nicely together.

I prioritise their extra curricular activities at this age because they love sports, making friends and trying out new things and I want them to be confident, well rounded young people. I know this stage won't last forever and in a few years they'll be hanging out with their friends and I'll hardly see them. To me it's worth the sacrifice of my own time right now and I feel privileged to be able to do this for them.

Today I finished work for 5, very early for me. Home 5.15, collected dc.

The dc emptied their school bags and washed out their lunchboxes. Nobody wiped shoes.
One went to do homework. One went out to see a friend. And one I took to a club at 6pm. 45 minutes outdoor club, so I went for a short run.
Went to the supermarket, home by 7.30pm.
Dinner was on the table by 7.50pm. We all ate together.
One DC went for a shower.
One needed help with reading and times tables homework.
One needed me to email the maths teacher.
One needed me to help change the tyre on the bike needed for school tomorrow.
One needed me to record a short video for a project.
One needed me to help them shower and take medication.
Read a bedtime story, tucked in the youngest by 9pm.
Went back down to referee some teenage dramas and remove a spare teenager that turned up at the door.
Put some washing on.
Made the packed lunches for tomorrow.
Put the annoying youngest back in bed.
Answered some work emails.
Watched a programme.
Some teenagers are still awake (it’s nearly 11pm).
I’ll have a shower before I go to bed.

Other parents:

Have help from their own parents/family/friends or can afford to buy it in.
Don't have children with SEN
Efficient- meal plan, supermarket delivery, spot clean uniform etc.
Don't give as many fucks

I literally don't stop all day either! I don't seem to stop from when I get up at 5.45 ish until I go to bed! It just never ends 😪

Could you just...slack off a bit? Honestly, it just isn't necessary to do everything every day. Let them wear the same uniform 2 days running - or just change bits of it. Don't cook - give them bought tortellini and bought sauce sometimes. Bath them every second day. Clean the bathroom twice a week, not every day.

I do all of the above because I'm out from 8am to 6pm on work days and I just can't do everything. And it's fine! Nobody really cares!

In sorry, I don't get it either.
Surely the 6hrs a day you have are enough to cook food that can be reheated, do all the laundry and the household chores/cleaning etc.

There should be relatively little to do when the children get home, but even if there was lots, you've got about 4 hours before bed.

We struggle to juggle everything at times, but that's with one of us full time, and the other nearly full time. Home time for my children is often about quarter to 6, and we still have to fit in cooking and eating dinner, reading, bath etc. That's manageable, it's the tidying that i struggle to find time for, but you literally have an day.

I batch cook or put something in the slow cooker.

This all just sounds like absolute madness really. I have two messy dc and Dh and I (Dh is a business owner but in a trade so comes home quite covered in mud and muck every day). We do about 4 loads of washing a week. I’m not a SAHP so it all gets done in after work hours and is no big deal. Absolutely no cleaning and tidying happens during the day as Dh and I are working. But really it’s all still fine.

I think you are absolutely over doing it and making work for yourself that isn’t there. What are you cleaning and tidying that takes all day? My dc are incredibly muddy and messy (live on a farm), but I don’t do a spot of cleaning or cooking all day (working), and there still isn’t much to do in the afternoon.

How do you manage to accumulate so much washing?? Especially when you have 2 in uniform. Can they wear uniform all day, so no mufti to wash Monday-Friday?

I suspect the issue is that your standards are higher than other people's. If you are home by 3.20 you have 4 or 5 hours until bedtime - surely the jobs you've described can't take that long.

Do a couple of days and note what you spend the night doing?

I'm another person who lives rural and doesn't wipe shoes, cooks quick meals and often has to rummage in baskets of clean but not put away laundry for the dc's things.

Can you break down your day schedule? I cannot fathom why you can't cook and clean and do laundry why they are at school. I presume you have a washing machine? Do you have a dryer?

Threads like these get my eyes rolling in all honesty. It really doesn't take long to do all those things. I'm a single working parent and I manage fine.

Get home 4pm, DS does homework/reading/guitar practice. Then he watches Youtube or goes on his switch while I get dinner sorted. Dinner ready by around 5.30-6. Then DS has a shower or bath, I wash up and do a bit of housework. Takes until about 7pm. Then we watch TV, DS goes to bed at 8pm. That's it.

I don't understand how you're creating so much work for yourself.

My kids were at private school and we got home around 4.30, 5.0 if they had after school club (drama, Brownies). Sport was mainly on the weekends though my daughter did do netball which she got home at 7pm after y5. She stayed at school for an hour between and all the girls did their homework in the library, and had a snack.
Emptying bags took a minute and checking their homework and reading diary. Their drinking bottles were kept at school. They had about half hour downtime, then homework (my son did need supervision for this but I could do that while cooking as not exactly a complicated dinner), they ate dinner about 6 (I ate when my husband came home at 8pm), a bit more down time then up for bath and bed by 8 - if my husband was a bit early he would do a bedtime story, or else I did then downstairs to make a quick dinner (or just put in what I had started when cooking for the kids).
I didn't clean or do laundry in those hours at all. Dog had already been walked and would go out again after they were in bed. They had enough uniform for a few days (only sports kit might need washing, but usually did not have games two days running). It was all focussed on the kids. Any mess they created in that time was easy to just put away (or ignored). Three hours was plenty of time for play, homework, dinner bath and bed, and I'm certainly not that organised. They did not usually have a packed lunch but on the days they did I just did it in the morning.
I can see if you work full time there's more to pack in those few hours, but if you are not working you need to do more prep before they come back from school.

SEN will make a huge donation deference of course depending on the needs, but I think relax on the tidying laundry bit, have meals pretty much prepped and ready to heat up, and then you can focus on them.

Definitely have a look at The Organised Mum Method. You can just follow the basic rules which is a 15 minute general clean every day, then a 30 minute deeper clean in a different room every day.
I used to spend all day fussing around and the house was never clean or tidy. When I follow that method I've got a clean house in only 45 minutes. It's amazing what a difference it makes.
Also meal plan, and like someone else said, label things.

I've also got DC with SEN and I'm exhausted all the time. I find by being organised I become more efficient andalusia 8the whole house is a calmer place.

I don't think I could fill my time like you do,
It's home, food, they sort their bags out, get changed, then 415 set off to our club together
515 they train, I go the gym next door
7pm they finish, shower there while I train and we leave at 830-9, after I've finished and showered

Yes the SEN is a vital distinction - tbh unless I bibbed my dc which would be demeaning at their ages, i have to wash more clothes - one will have a meltdown if their clothes are not perfect and the other gets really dirty every day.

Also I work full time and my house is immaculate- my dp does 50% of everything, he does the dish washer while I do the washing. I sort the dogs in the morning and he sorts then in the afternoon.

The kids are responsible for getting dressed and organising their stuff, personal responsibility is taught from a young age here as I have adhd so need a strict routine

I get in from work at between 5.30 and 6pm. I change my clothes to something more comfortable and start dinner. Usually on the table before 7. Homework gets done and looked at. Washing up/dishwasher loaded. Sort messy kitchen and dining room. Half hour to chill, then on it with dds making their lunches. They turn go up and get ready for bed. They’re usually up til 9.30pm. They are 11 and 12. Only one club so one evening it’s a late one.

My kids do activities 4 nights a week straight from school , I sort dinner at 7am , I put stuff in the slow cooker.

I spend a hour after kids go to bed to clean up and get stuff ready for the morning.