To ask how parents fit it all in after school?

[Popeee17]

I'm a sahp/carer. Both my children have sen, which probably changes things. Dp works long hours often til late but is a hands on dad.

we live 5 minutes away from school (both go mainstream for now!) so no travelling involved. we are home by 3.20 ish.

by the time we get home, I empty bags, I wipe over shoes (muddy rural areas so always lagged), clean out drinks bottles, lunch boxes etc, laundry, cook dinner for kids , clean up and bath time, see to the dog, it's already bed time and I've barely had time to eat myself and often skip dinner (Dp works shifts where he is quite often not home at dinner time, kids always eat !) Quite often this time of year we go to the park for 20 minutes after school too. We rarely go out anywhere after school!

But I still find it a massive massive rush. Routine is important here too though.

other parents I know work til late, other kids go to clubs after school (not just meaning the school clubs, often sports clubs out of the village), brownies, rainbows etc. Other parents drive quite far to get their kids to and from school. One parent I know drives her kids here from over 30 minutes away (they used to live here and she wanted to keep them in school here). I'm in awe of her, her kids go to lots of clubs, she then has to pick up her secondary age kids and her hubby from work. Yet still manages it all. She seems to have it all together.

my question is, do other parents find the afternoons after school hard work or is it just me?! I appreciate that others may think j have a lot of time on my hands being a sahp but it's just non bloody stop. I struggle to relax until everything's done.

my kids are full on though and do lack independence, which doesn't help. They can't really do a huge amount for themselves, even going to the toilet so I'm up and down and back and forth a lot. I'm bloody exhausted.

things are certainly less full on when Dp is on an early shift and home for the afternoon school run! An extra pair of hands makes a huge difference!

what's your afternoon routine after school?

There are different degrees of “rushed off my feet”

one persons “I didn’t stop all day” is another persons normal day.

I work 40-50 hrs a week; senior management role, 4 DC and a single mother. No cleaner, no nanny, youngest goes to wrap around care until 6pm everyday.

it’s like when you have 1 kid and you think you’re exhausted and then you have 2 and realise you didn’t know what you were talking about

And to that point,
I realised during the various dx for the dc that I was slow at doing things, organising takes more mental load for me than perhaps others.

Even hearing about someone with n kids and lots of activities makes me feel tired - we accept our kids aren't all the same, well we aren't either! Be kind to yourself first.

Can you give us an example of a typical day in your life so we xan see where any changes can be made? I work, study part time, have 2 messy dogs and a child and never have stressy evenings.

I assume you prep the evening meal during the day so just need to heat it through?

I do dinner for 7pm so have from 5pm to put dinner on, is there a reason you eat so early?

I think it's a mad rush too. I work full time but vary my finish on different days depending on if WFH or office day which varies each week. Kids go to clubs before and after school. On a no clubs day I get home for 3:30 ish, kids put coats and bags away and bottles in kitchen then go and play (usually TV if I am honest) and I wash up, empty and hang a load of laundry to dry and put a new one in, do the recycling and cook dinner then tidy kitchen. Whilst dinner is on, I try and do homework with them so reading, spelling practise and some of the apps they are meant to do at least 3 times a week (but don't). After dinner is bath and stories at bedtime. Also prepping bags etc for next day. Usually 8:30 I am done and my DH has cooked us dinner so I eat about 9pm.

On a clubs night we do the same but I try and either have something leftover for the kids or DH puts on stew or something slow cooked at lunch so easier for me. We do less homework but do the reading always.

I work part time. The days when I am at home are bliss. Workdays are horrendous, get home at 6, rush dinner, out to clubs / homework etc, back for bedtime, pack bags etc. Kids to bed 8pm and 9pm for the eldest. Both kids drag out bedtime. Go down and tidy kitchen. Might have to start working at 10 or sometimes just straight to bed. Rinse and repeat.

I am sure you are busy with your children but if you are cleaning and washing all day and then all evening maybe your standards are too high?

I assume lagged means dirty?

Realistically emptying lunch boxes, bags and wiping shoes takes 15min max.

Could you prepare dinner during the day - enough for you all? Lack of nourishment won’t be helping your energy levels.

Uniform - 5 shirts, 5 bottoms, 5 jumpers, 7pk socks and pants. Wash it all on a Friday night/Saturday morning every week instead of daily. Include the pyjamas used for the previous week too and you are talking two loads MAX. Assume your DH has more than 2 sets of work uniform too - surely could be a load every 2nd day (twice a week) including your own?
Towels and bedding twice a week?
You could easily half your laundry.

Bathing - are daily baths essential for your boys routine?

In all honesty you seem so overwhelmed are you are actually exhausted and not as productive during the day as you think? I know if I am down everything seems harder/impossible.

On my 3 workdays DH collected DD at 5pm from her childminder where she had a snack and brought her to one activity. On the other days they went home and did reading, spelling and time tables.

On my days off I collected her, gave. her a snack and either we went to one activity or sorted out homework/she played/watched TV. She normally stayed in her uniform as she had a fresh set per day.

Dinner was always a family meal at 6.30-7pm, I never cooked tea unless. we had a playdate and I provided food.

School lunch box/water bottle ends up with the normal washing up. Bookbags cleared out then as well. Saying that, most communication came via email and we dealt with forms etc immediately.

After dinner she had a shower or just strip washed, pyjama and story. Bath was when we really had time, on the weekend or in winter when she always complains about being cold.

I worked FT for all of Dc childhoods with a 40 minute commute which was driven.

I did have a cleaner once a week so obviously that was a huge time saver.

What is your tolerance level for dirt on school uniforms? I would spot clean small marks with a damp dishcloth and stuff only got washed if food had been dropped down it or muddy knees. So usually two uniforms a week.

I cook quickly, my Father had run his own restaurant so taught me how to prep at lightening speed. Lunches for work and school were made as I was cooking dinner. DS would sit at the kitchen table doing his homework as I did this, the easy stuff like spellings and reading aloud. DH did extra tuition with DS a couple of nights a week. I also often used to cook twice as much as needed and then make the leftovers in to something slightly different. Or just do too much veg so next day the veg just got heated. DS had a club one evening.

I think it’s a too high standard issue on your part . You also mention about your planning. I am very much a get on with it person. Unless something is time critical to the extent it will mess it up or upset someone then I just do it. My efficiency comes from a place of laziness as I always liked leisure time.

I’m also wondering what you do all day while your children are at school, and why you don’t use that time to do laundry/ housework/ prepare dinner? That could make the evening routine much smoother and reduce the impact of your son’s de-stressing hour as you won’t be trying to get stuff done around him.

I have one DC (age 7) and work part-time (29 hours) over five days. This is our routine:

Mon, Wed, Fri: I wfh and do short days (finish at 2.45) to do the school run (a 15 minute walk to school). While I’m working, I usually manage to get a load of laundry done and hung out to dry/ tumble dried depending on the weather.

DD has Brownies on Monday evening, so we come straight home. It usually takes 5-10 minutes to sort bag/ water bottle/ get changed, then she has about an hour to have a snack/ watch TV or play on the iPad before we leave at 5. I usually manage a break with a cup of tea before doing a couple of quick chores (usually laundry related!). DH picks her up at 6.30 while I get dinner ready , so we eat at 7 followed by bedtime.

On Wednesdays and Fridays we usually go to the park after school with friends, so get home around 4.30. DD has a snack and some tv/ iPad time, then we usually do reading practice, then I start dinner. Usually eat around 6.30 as dinner prep always takes longer than I expect!

I work until 5 on Tuesdays and Thursdays so DD goes to after-school club. I get home by 5.30 and start cooking dinner straight away, DH and DD arrive home after me, we eat around 6.30. Rarely do reading practice on these days as DD is tired and it’s a bit of a rush.

DH works full time but does half the school drop-offs and will take over cooking on his nights. Whoever doesn’t cook does bedtime, while the other does a quick tidy up, does the dishes, any admin stuff, then we’re usually on the sofa by nine with everything done.

I work 2 days, 3 half days. Most nights are after school clubs.
I find on my afternoons off I have to be strict with myself and give myself time limits to do jobs or a list of jobs to do in an afternoon. I definitely think I fill the time I have otherwise!
I agree with preparing things in advance so tea in slow cooker or made on a previous day and just reheated. Washing done regularly and put away when I have a few minutes spare.

Do you think you’re doing too much because you have that time to fill? If you were at work you’d have to get the same jobs done and you’d find a way. Could you make your time an appointment in your day so you work more efficiently so you can then have a proper break?