Later-life babies?

[anyproblem]

Anyone on here (themselves or their partner) had children in their late 40s/early 50s?

Just gathering some opinions as we are considering more DC. DH is 50.

@Bunnycat101

I'm supporting a colleague though her mum’s death. She’s 22 in her first year of a grad scheme and her sense of loss is enormous as is her anger of losing a parent relatively early in life. Seeing her struggles has made me realise how much young adults tend to still rely on parents for emotional support, advice, financial support etc. having a baby in your 50s is a massive gamble.

@DirectionToPerfection

This is so true. Losing a parent (or becoming a carer to them) when you're barely an adult yourself is extremely traumatic and can have consequences for the rest of your life. People just don't want to hear it though. Or they convince themselves they'll live to 90 when in reality the majority of us don't.

Exactly his. Not only do most of us not live to 90, but also, most of us will have our health start to decline rapidly from 70-75 years old. I know the 'but you're just a spring chicken' at 70, THAT'S not old!' bollux is always trotted out on these threads, but the fact is that 70 is quite old..

Nope I am not being ageist, just telling it like it is. 70 is elderly, and most people will see their health start to decline by then. Even by 55-60, many people are much more tired and weary than they were at 45-50. Still able to do basic shit obviously, but winding down...

And I KNOW the usual 'I am 67 and run a marathon every day, and cycle 300 miles a week' brigade will turn up and dispute that, but the fact is MOST people are like what I say at the ages I mentioned. The very idea of still having a school age child at 60 is horrific to me (and probably most others if they are being honest!!!)

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

Yes, you tend to get the parents' perspective on MN (not surprisingly) and not the child's. My DPs had 2 DC in their 20s, and 2 in their late 30s/40s. My two younger sibs had lost both parents by the time they (sibs) were 40. Due to my DPs' health issues, neither of them was able to provide my sibs with emotional or practical support as young adults. Of course, you can be unlucky as a parent and become unwell at any age, but the risk of ill-health is much higher in your 70s than your 50s. When I compare my younger sibs' experience with that of my Dsis and me - the older two - I feel the younger ones really missed out.

@Sakura7

I had the same experience as your younger siblings. I'm in my mid to late 30s now and have lost both parents. I had no emotional or practical support from them as a young adult, in fact I had to support them. My dad got dementia when I was in my early 20s, it's tough and very isolating when none of your friends can understand.

Exactly this. 2 brilliant posts! There are too many self-centred people thinking of their own wants and selfish desires, to think about the long-term effects on the child. If parents have a baby at 45+, the chances of the 'older' parent being infirm and needing care before the child hits 30, is FAR greater than them being super healthy and fit, looking after their grandchildren 4 days a week at 80, and needing NO care ever, right up to their death at 103!!!

There are some ludicrous posts on this thread. That said, this is the parallel world of mumsnet, and I can count on the fingers of one hand, the amount of women I have ever known who have had a baby when they were 45 or older. I am talking about my entire LIFETIME. (I am in my mid 50s now.) It just doesn't happen hardly ever. Not in real life ... Yet if many of the posts on threads like these were to be believed, you'd think 50-60% of women had had a baby when they were past the age of 45.

We are probably a similar age as my parents are a similar age to yours. My grandparents also would all be in their 70s however only one out of 4 is still alive. Further to that, one of my parents, who up until now has been healthy other than well-controlled HBP has cancer and prognosis etc is unclear in the long-term. I say all that to illustrate that having children younger in life doesn't unfortunately necessarily guard against your children having to deal with this kind of thing in their 20s as I now am.