Later-life babies?

[anyproblem]

Anyone on here (themselves or their partner) had children in their late 40s/early 50s?

Just gathering some opinions as we are considering more DC. DH is 50.

Personally in your shoes I would go for it. 38 is not unusually old to have a baby. Your DH is older but that matters much less.

I find MNers are always very negative on threads like this, presumably because they’re thinking about whether they personally would like to have another baby in middle age and the difficulties it would bring. But presumably you know all the difficulties so that’s a decision you can make for yourself. The only thing I’d say is be sure that you and your DH are both equally keen.

Personally l would enjoy the children you already have.
l am 53, widowed parent to 16 yr old and 20 yr old sons, plus my Mum is in her late 70' s and needing alot more help. You have to also take into account energy levels drop significantly due to menopause in your 50's, plus young adults tend to stay at home alot longer these days.
Luckily am fit and healthy but it can still feel absolutely exhausting.

Your DH is older but that matters much less.

It wont matter much less when OP has a 18 year old needing support through teenage years, exams and uni applications, a 70 year old dh potentially needing support with chronic illness and possibly her own elderly parents to support.

OP, enjoy your 3 and 5 year olds! It just seems like madness to add another child at this stage of your life.

Oh and OP herself could also be suffering with menopause symptoms too!

I had the same experience as your younger siblings. I'm in my mid to late 30s now and have lost both parents. I had no emotional or practical support from them as a young adult, in fact I had to support them. My dad got dementia when I was in my early 20s, it's tough and very isolating when none of your friends can understand.

It wont matter much less when OP has a 18 year old needing support through teenage years, exams and uni applications, a 70 year old dh potentially needing support with chronic illness and possibly her own elderly parents to support.

DH is 70 and his memory issues and hatred of driving means that I do 99% of the driving now, and all the driving after dark.

I feel that I carry all of the mental load as far as DD is concerned, and most of day to day life as well.

The menopause might not be as big a problem as you think. Not all women have a terrible time.

Posters saying the parents of older parents will be too old to be helpful grandparents - well neither my parents or my inlaws were any practical support to us - and they were in their 50s.

Posters have talked a lot about the risk of older parents being a burden to their children. It being a selfish act ect. But what about disabled parents? Does that apply to them? Should disabled people not have children because of the risk of burden or increasing disability? What about disabled siblings? Should a woman never have more children if she has a disabled child because of the risk of burden to the siblings?

I've never met a single person who says they wish they'd never been born because of how old (or ill) their parents are

Weather or not you become a burden to your children is dependant on your own expectations from them surely.

My parents have always looked after my daughter - they were late 60s/early 70s when she was born and did childcare one day a week as a baby/toddler. She’s a pre-teen now and still enjoys spending time with them.

There's a degree of luck / lifestyle involved, but we all know that statistically, older people are more likely to suffer poor health and die

OP already has two children. I'd say that's enough and would be selfish to have more children at her DH's age

I had my first DS when I was 38 and my DP was 52, then our second DS 12 months later.

It's hard work, but they're ace and nobody bats an eyelid about it.

Good luck op.

I had my youngest child when I was 40 and my husband was 45. Dd is nearly 30 and I look after my grandson who is nearly 5 before and after school and all day on Inset days. My sil was born waswhen his mother was 30 but she died when she was 57. You don't know how long your parents will live for but you must hope that they will have long lives but you never really know.

I hope that I will be around a long time to come and as my parents were 91 and 85 when they died I hope that I live as long.

Surely this is all a moot point since the alternative for these poor people with such elderly parents is for them to have never been born?

There is always a lot of denial about healthy life expectancy stats on these threads. My parents were 40 when I was born and I feel their age now im at a point with my own young family. You have got a family already so you have to ask what is driving the desire for another baby and whether it is tempting fate given your husband’s age.

im supporting a colleague though her mum’s death. She’s 22 in her first year of a grad scheme and her sense of loss is enormous as is her anger of losing a parent relatively early in life. Seeing her struggles has made me realise how much young adults tend to still rely on parents for emotional support, advice, financial support etc. having a baby in your 50s is a massive gamble.

And there it is. A line that's always trotted out to minimise other people's experiences.

By your logic, is it ok for an 80 year old man to father a child?

Seeing her struggles has made me realise how much young adults tend to still rely on parents for emotional support, advice, financial support etc. having a baby in your 50s is a massive gamble.

This is so true. Losing a parent (or becoming a carer to them) when you're barely an adult yourself is extremely traumatic and can have consequences for the rest of your life. People just don't want to hear it though. Or they convince themselves they'll live to 90 when in reality the majority of us don't.

I haven't read the full thread because these types of threads always turn into a complete shit show. The ageism is breath taking.

I was 34 when we had DS and DH was 47.

DH retired a year ago. Financially secure. This part of his retirement will be spent as a SAHD for DS, who's now eight. He's fit, well and completely engaged. He and DS are best friends, their relationship is fantastic. They give each other the one thing a lot of younger parents don't have - time. We don't have to worry about tutors and school holiday childcare and money because DH is doing all that.

I'm also free to work harder on my career. Yep, I may not have him around when I'm old and I will be looking after him in my seventies - buts that's the case for loads of couples.

I really wish people would be a bit more open minded.

I have just turned 50 with 2-year old twins.

My parents were 42/43 having me, and are now healthy 92 year olds.

I think having kids late keeps you young. I remember my mum in her 80s kneeling behind the sofa playing finger-puppets with my niece.

As a child I was always proud to have older parents, especially my mum. She had a career (which she had to give up once married - rule in 70s Ireland), so she and her friends all tended to marry late.

The only downside, is that they will not see my children grow up.

DM was 44 when she had me and DF was 46. DM died when I was 12 but DF didn’t die until I was 39.

I always wished my parents had been younger when they had me - so many reasons.

Then I found myself pregnant at 39 when I didn’t think I could have children. DD is 8 and I am shattered! I wish I’d had her at 35. I worry a lot about me dying when she is young. Having her keeps me young in attitude but I don’t have the energy I had 10 years ago.

@Sakura7 No of course not, I’m just trying to illustrate the circularity of the logic. But then my Mum died when she was 46 (which can also be used to argue for either side).

Accusing people of being ageist for talking about their own experiences of older parents is a low blow.

I'm about to get married and won't have either parent there to see it. That's only one of the major life events they have missed out on. None of my friends get it as their parents are all alive and generally healthy.

I was a week off 40 and DH was 49 when DC 2 born.
It was fine at the baby stage but the agè gap between us grows more noticeable as we get older.
DC at uni after we both retired.

My dad was 49 when I was born. I spent my childhood and teens well aware of how much older he was than my peers’ fathers and therefore feared his death relentlessly. I used to hate parent’s evenings because I’d always get the inevitable questions about “how old is your dad?” I wanted to protect him, but at the same time I resented his age, because of how it made me stand out.

As you've already got a 3 year old, don't think another would make much difference. Say the 3 year old leaves home at 18, you'd then have a 14 year old still at home. They'd then be off soon after.
Also, you yourself are not that old, it's your DH. If you wanna do it, then go for it

As @Sakura7 said, accusing people of being ageist for talking about their OWN EXPERIENCES of being born to middle aged parents is just plain nasty!