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Original poster

Later-life babies?

103 replies

anyproblem · 01/05/2022 10:08

Anyone on here (themselves or their partner) had children in their late 40s/early 50s?

Just gathering some opinions as we are considering more DC. DH is 50.

OP posts:
cptartapp · 01/05/2022 14:11

My friend had her second set of twins at 47. Her first set were 17! Her DH was 50. All well, but she had a nanny in the early days and doesn't need to work/seems quite happy to devote her life to child rearing.

Rememberallball · 01/05/2022 14:13

Yes, had twins 3 years ago - I was 47 and DH was 50 at the time.

HiDeDi · 01/05/2022 14:13

Friend of mine had a baby a couple of weeks ago. She’s aged 52. All she’s done since is complain how tired she is

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doingitforthegirls · 01/05/2022 14:16

To be honest I think it's pretty selfish and speaks more about what you want more than the effect it might have on any further child. You're not too old of course - my personal cut off is 40 but I do think 50 is far far too old

RampantIvy · 01/05/2022 14:28

HiDeDi · 01/05/2022 14:13

Friend of mine had a baby a couple of weeks ago. She’s aged 52. All she’s done since is complain how tired she is

Wow, 52! Naturally?

timeisnotaline · 01/05/2022 14:29

HiDeDi · 01/05/2022 14:13

Friend of mine had a baby a couple of weeks ago. She’s aged 52. All she’s done since is complain how tired she is

To be fair that might easily be a 30 or 40 year old new mum, complaining about how tired you are is not limited to older mums!

i don’t consider having a baby at 38 old (recognising it’s statistically more risky is different). 40 I really do start to think of mums especially as getting old. I’m considering another one though and would prob be 41. Dh is not older than me though.

CrashBandicootOnSanityBeach · 01/05/2022 14:32

SeemsSoUnfair · 01/05/2022 11:23

I found it really challenging in my 40s dealing with my parents when they were in their 70s and their health was deteriorating.

I wouldnt want my children to have that experience in their twenties, life is just starting out for them and it should not include the burden of aging parents.

100% this. No-one should be having a baby past 40-41 IMO, for many reasons including what @SeemsSoUnfair posted. ^ We all know what they are.

CrashBandicootOnSanityBeach · 01/05/2022 14:33

HiDeDi · 01/05/2022 14:13

Friend of mine had a baby a couple of weeks ago. She’s aged 52. All she’s done since is complain how tired she is

Hmm
CrashBandicootOnSanityBeach · 01/05/2022 14:33

cptartapp · 01/05/2022 14:11

My friend had her second set of twins at 47. Her first set were 17! Her DH was 50. All well, but she had a nanny in the early days and doesn't need to work/seems quite happy to devote her life to child rearing.

Rather her than me!

CrashBandicootOnSanityBeach · 01/05/2022 14:34

doingitforthegirls · 01/05/2022 14:16

To be honest I think it's pretty selfish and speaks more about what you want more than the effect it might have on any further child. You're not too old of course - my personal cut off is 40 but I do think 50 is far far too old

Well said. 100% agree.

anewername · 01/05/2022 14:38

I was 35 ( few weeks off 36) for DC1 and DH was 42

I was 39 for DC2 and DH was 46 ( I think trying to work out when the birthdays fall 😂)

I do wish we had done it sooner as we're together a long time but DH wasn't ready. I in the end forced the issue and he now says it's the best thing I did. By then our circumstances were in a better place but I should have forced a little earlier. But it's fine. No problem for us.

Hardbackwriter · 01/05/2022 14:42

HiDeDi · 01/05/2022 14:13

Friend of mine had a baby a couple of weeks ago. She’s aged 52. All she’s done since is complain how tired she is

I was 31 when I had my first and 33 for my second. Both times if you'd asked me when they were two weeks old I would have told you I was about to keel over with exhaustion - isn't that just having a newborn?!

qpmz · 01/05/2022 14:47

HiDeDi · 01/05/2022 14:13

Friend of mine had a baby a couple of weeks ago. She’s aged 52. All she’s done since is complain how tired she is

Complaining is annoying but that's nothing to do with age. Show me one Mum with a two week old baby who isn't tired!!

qpmz · 01/05/2022 14:51

If you do, will it be naturally or donor egg?

SeemsSoUnfair · 01/05/2022 14:51

I have already told my DC that they will NOT look after me when I'm old and doddery!

You probably find that most parents say that in their 40/50s, mines did, they were the determined not to be a burden type. Organised their own stair lift, riser chairs, walking shower, mobility aids just in advance of really needing it.

For a lot of parents it changes dramatically when they get to their 70s and they suddenly feel unable to cope, lose confidence, forget how little time you have when you have a FT job and your own family/social life, maybe they are widowed or have the common health issues/scares of that start to cause problems in this age group such as cancer treatment, copd, strokes, heart disease, dementia, MH issues, continence issues, lonliness if they lose friends, hearing/sight loss . You have no idea what challenges your 70s will bring you and your children.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 01/05/2022 15:07

I wouldn't, in your circs. Your age is fine imo but the blokes I know fathering babies at 50+... haven't been a roaring success.

Sushi7 · 01/05/2022 15:12

filka · 01/05/2022 12:52

I was 53 when my last son was born (my wife is much younger). TBH it's almost old enough to be a grandfather, and I worry a bit that I might not live to see him into adulthood. And I might never be a grandparent.

One issue it brings is that I need to keep working to fund school fees, so I can't really see me retiring.

That is 3 years older than the age my parents currently are. I am in my mid 20s. I would say that you are grandparent age, not “almost.” This isn’t a dig at you - sounds quite stressful that you don’t think you could retire any time soon.

I have friends who are my age but their parents are in their 70s now (my grandparents’ age). They find it so hard :(

Mydogisagentleman · 01/05/2022 15:23

Our only DD was born when I was 37 and DH 43.
she turns 21 next week, in lots of ways it would have been easier if we were younger, but I had 9 miscarriages and she was a total surprise.

CharSiu · 01/05/2022 15:31

My Mother had me at 41 and my sister at 45 but we were number 5 and 6. She lived till her nineties fortunately but I always felt jealous my siblings had her for almost 20 years more.

If people have not had children at all it’s very different to adding more children.

zaffa · 01/05/2022 15:34

Can I just add though that even at 47, DH is a most spectacular father. He is fun and adventurous and does all the shoulder carrying, flying through the house, den building that DD could desire. That's the kind of father he is, but he does feel that he could do a lot more if he was younger.

Sunnytwobridges · 01/05/2022 15:41

HiDeDi · 01/05/2022 14:13

Friend of mine had a baby a couple of weeks ago. She’s aged 52. All she’s done since is complain how tired she is

i complained about how tired I was too I did and I was only 24

seeitinyourface · 01/05/2022 15:46

My mum was 40 and dad was 47 when I was born. They didn't meet until mum was 39 and I was a big surprise.

I had a great childhood but they struggled in my teenage years. There is an element of personality in that though- they weren't keen on me going on at all, were very worried about me drinking etc, had to be home by a certain time.

I have always wanted to be a mum but I haven't met anyone yet either. My personal cut off for a baby is 38.

notasillysausage · 01/05/2022 15:51

My dad was 44 when they had me, he died when I was 15. Also my mum was much stricter than other younger parents so I felt I missed out quite a bit and had challenging teenage years. As a result, the latest I decided to get pregnant was 35 and even then I feel much more tired than with my first child I had in my late 20s.

Dinoteeth · 01/05/2022 15:53

My personal cut off is 42. So you have them through uni / early part of their career before hitting retirement.

OK you are younger your DH is much older. You already have two very young children.
I think it's time to enjoy the children you have and support them through life.

I also have the fear of leaving my children while they are in their 20s. Horrible knowing a few people in that position.

LowbrowVictoriana · 01/05/2022 16:00

You have no idea what challenges your 70s will bring you and your children

@SeemsSoUnfair I've no idea why people think elderly parents are a bigger burden for 30-somethings than 50-somethings... anyway, I'd still not want my DC looking after me, whatever my problems. We're financially fortunate though, so I'm sure will find ways around it.