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Original poster

How would dads react if they had a gay child?

124 replies

shellstarbarley · 30/04/2022 10:19

I had an interesting conversation with some work colleagues last night - one of the younger member of the team has a 3 yr old son who wanted a doll for christmas and his nan has now bought him a pink pushchair for him. This colleagues husband isn't happy because he doesn't think his son should be encouraged to push a baby round. This then led on to talking about how our husbands would feel if any of our children came out gay and nearly all of them said they think there husbands would find it hard. When I asked my partner this morning he just said ummmmm not sure......

OP posts:
JoeGoldberg · 30/04/2022 19:04

Wouldn't abandon them of course but would worry for their future in regards to homophobia, bullying etc

It's fine to worry. As long as you remember that the problem is with other people and not your DC.

brookstar · 30/04/2022 19:04

doveseternal · 30/04/2022 18:24

Regardless of the LGBT community and outrage, I'd prefer not to have an LGBT child as statistically and clearly they have more difficult lives and are often subject to bullying and discrimination.

Reply with as much outrage as I'm sure most posters will but I simply would prefer not to.

Don't you realise that you are part of the problem??

Kezzie200 · 30/04/2022 19:05

My husband was in the RN when they had very different attitudes to today. I told him, in no uncertain terms, he had to inform himself and adjust as, should either of our children happen to be gay, he had to be able to treat them entirely the same as he did the day before knowing and welcome in their partners.

It was an interesting conversation but he got it and it was a good one to have as he's been more aware generally of the learned prejudices he had and changed his ways.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
doveseternal · 30/04/2022 19:06

@brookstar

Perhaps but I'd rather be known for being worried for my child than not having a care in the world about how they'll cope socially and otherwise- would you not care about their wellbeing and the statistics regarding lgbt suicide? Perhaps have a read up.

Neverreturntoathread · 30/04/2022 19:08

Wtf does pushing a buggy have to do with being gay?!

So they intend to deliberately bring their son up with zero knowledge of childcare in case learning about children makes him want to bang guys?

Wtf?

brookstar · 30/04/2022 19:09

doveseternal · 30/04/2022 19:06

@brookstar

Perhaps but I'd rather be known for being worried for my child than not having a care in the world about how they'll cope socially and otherwise- would you not care about their wellbeing and the statistics regarding lgbt suicide? Perhaps have a read up.

How patronising 🙄

I want my child to be whoever they chose to be ..... isn't that what all parents want?

balalake · 30/04/2022 19:10

I'd expect in general a lesbian daughter would be treated more kindly than a gay son.

doveseternal · 30/04/2022 19:10

@brookstar

I'm sorry you feel patronised. Facts and statistics aren't always what we want to hear.

BigFatLiar · 30/04/2022 19:10

I doubt many men would be that bothered these days at least no more than the mum would.

At three years old though I don't see why anyone would care. At that age they'll play with just about anything and curiosity should be encouraged. Ours would play with the boxes as much as the toys, a child's imagination can be strange.

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 30/04/2022 19:11

brookstar · 30/04/2022 19:04

Don't you realise that you are part of the problem??

Show quote history

In fairness to doves, she's saying pretty much the exact same thing as the lesbian couple I wrote about in my post. Most parents would rather their children had an easier life.

brookstar · 30/04/2022 19:12

doveseternal · 30/04/2022 19:10

@brookstar

I'm sorry you feel patronised. Facts and statistics aren't always what we want to hear.

Nope. Homophobia is not what I want to hear.

brookstar · 30/04/2022 19:13

In fairness to doves, she's saying pretty much the exact same thing as the lesbian couple I wrote about in my post. Most parents would rather their children had an easier life.

As a parent I want my child to be true to themselves. That's it.

doveseternal · 30/04/2022 19:14

This reply has been deleted

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JoeGoldberg · 30/04/2022 19:16

@doveseternal what's with the personal attacks to @brookstar?? There's no need for that. The fact is it's tough if your child comes out as gay. You can worry all you like but it won't change their sexuality.

doveseternal · 30/04/2022 19:18

JoeGoldberg · 30/04/2022 19:16

@doveseternal what's with the personal attacks to @brookstar?? There's no need for that. The fact is it's tough if your child comes out as gay. You can worry all you like but it won't change their sexuality.

Please do refer back to the 'personal comments' I have made.

Neu · 30/04/2022 19:19

My son came out aged 13 although we'd had a very strong idea for a good decades I'd guess.

Thankfully my exh reacted exactly how our son wished, no fuss or questioning of him and it didn't change a thing. Why would it?!

My DB was as you describe, I bought my 3 yo nephew a doll and buggy at his request and he wasn't allowed to have it!! I pointed out that DB had pushed his sons buggy..?!

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 30/04/2022 19:19

brookstar · 30/04/2022 19:13

In fairness to doves, she's saying pretty much the exact same thing as the lesbian couple I wrote about in my post. Most parents would rather their children had an easier life.

As a parent I want my child to be true to themselves. That's it.

Ok. But a heterosexual child being true to themselves would potentially have an easier time of it than a homosexual child being true to themselves. That's the point that is being made here.

brookstar · 30/04/2022 19:23

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Are you this patronising in real life?

I'm perfectly capable of reading and understanding what people are saying.
I can't honestly imagine hoping my child will turn out to be anything other than who they are.

I have a number of friends who have children who are gay. That's who they are and who they have always been. To hear people say that they hope their child isn't gay is, in my opinion, despicable. You might claim you have their best interests at heart ( which I'm sure you do) but it does make you part of the problem.

brookstar · 30/04/2022 19:25

Ok. But a heterosexual child being true to themselves would potentially have an easier time of it than a homosexual child being true to themselves. That's the point that is being made here.

And parents hoping their child doesn't come out as homosexual just perpetuates the issue. That's the point I'm making.

doveseternal · 30/04/2022 19:29

@brookstar bless you. I can see this is a sore topic for you.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 19:31

brookstar · 30/04/2022 19:25

Ok. But a heterosexual child being true to themselves would potentially have an easier time of it than a homosexual child being true to themselves. That's the point that is being made here.

And parents hoping their child doesn't come out as homosexual just perpetuates the issue. That's the point I'm making.

@brookstar This poster is trawling the threads trying to get a rise from people for some reason only known to them, I’d just disregard if I were you.

doveseternal · 30/04/2022 19:33

@Goldijobsandthe3bears

Oh bless you for trying.

brookstar · 30/04/2022 19:35

doveseternal · 30/04/2022 19:29

@brookstar bless you. I can see this is a sore topic for you.

Do you start every post with the patronising 'bless you'?? There's no need!

It's not a sore topic, it's just common sense.

As a parent I want my child to be true to who they are. That's just basic parenting really.

If you are secretly hoping your child isn't gay then you need to have a serious word with yourself because the issue quite clearly lies with you. Maybe I just move in very liberal circles 🤷🏼‍♀️

caringcarer · 30/04/2022 19:36

Turning against your own child would be an extreme reaction. Many more might be secretly disappointed, but still support their child.

brookstar · 30/04/2022 19:37

goldijobs you're probably right!!
It's not even worth arguing with!

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