Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How would dads react if they had a gay child?

124 replies

shellstarbarley · 30/04/2022 10:19

I had an interesting conversation with some work colleagues last night - one of the younger member of the team has a 3 yr old son who wanted a doll for christmas and his nan has now bought him a pink pushchair for him. This colleagues husband isn't happy because he doesn't think his son should be encouraged to push a baby round. This then led on to talking about how our husbands would feel if any of our children came out gay and nearly all of them said they think there husbands would find it hard. When I asked my partner this morning he just said ummmmm not sure......

OP posts:
Simonjt · 30/04/2022 14:40

This colleagues husband isn't happy because he doesn't think his son should be encouraged to push a baby round.

Incredibly worrying, he may become a dad who actually raises his children, we clearly don’t want that to happen.

Why would someone think a toy determines sexuality, what magical powers do they think a toy has?! Surely if its that simple we can just use toys for conversion therapy.

As a child I like rugby, fighting, wrestling, destroying my sisters dolls and generally being a lad when I was a teenager. As an adult I played high level professional rugby, I can down pints in one gulp and I’m a good weight lifter. So you know, in the view of these guys I’m a ‘proper’ man. I’m also a raging homo.

Flippanty · 30/04/2022 14:43

I would never be married to someone who a) thought parenting was for woman or b) thought there was something wrong with being gay.

Rickrollme · 30/04/2022 14:44

What does a pink pushchair have to do with being gay??

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
User7493268965 · 30/04/2022 14:46

DS is gay but it doesn't make any difference, DH is fine with it, we are in our 60s so not young

Floralnomad · 30/04/2022 14:51

Our adult son is gay , we are and always have been fine with it .

Robin233 · 30/04/2022 14:53

I loved train sets and toy cars.
My adult son used to play with his sisters Barbie - though action man always had a staring role.
He loved shoot em up video games as much as my little pony.
We're both straight.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 30/04/2022 14:55

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 10:30

Twat not teat

I quite liked 'homophobic teat' actually... Grin

On that note, it's not a phobia. They're not scared, they're just dreadful people.

Robin233 · 30/04/2022 14:56

@Simonjt
Brilliant post!!

TooManyPJs · 30/04/2022 14:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

TooManyPJs · 30/04/2022 14:59

I've reported the brain fart in my comment above and asked for MN to delete. I'll repost below with what I actually meant to say!

TooManyPJs · 30/04/2022 15:00

Well that dad sounds both homophobic and misogynistic. Nice combo.

My DH would not be in any way bothered by their child's sexuality or be concerned about what colours a child likes or what toys they choose to play with. Because anything else is pretty bigoted and ridiculous and hugely unfair on the child.

Autienotnaughtie · 30/04/2022 15:27

Is this a zombie post from 1995?

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 17:00

Simonjt · 30/04/2022 14:40

This colleagues husband isn't happy because he doesn't think his son should be encouraged to push a baby round.

Incredibly worrying, he may become a dad who actually raises his children, we clearly don’t want that to happen.

Why would someone think a toy determines sexuality, what magical powers do they think a toy has?! Surely if its that simple we can just use toys for conversion therapy.

As a child I like rugby, fighting, wrestling, destroying my sisters dolls and generally being a lad when I was a teenager. As an adult I played high level professional rugby, I can down pints in one gulp and I’m a good weight lifter. So you know, in the view of these guys I’m a ‘proper’ man. I’m also a raging homo.

It’s so arbitrary, if anything isn’t rugby with all that grappling and wrestling between sweaty men even GAYER than having a barbie or pram!😉

Frolicinameadow · 30/04/2022 17:15

I’m not friends with any men or women who would have a problem with their children or anyone else being gay. I couldn’t stand being around such ignorant and backward attitudes.
my husband (shockingly) pushed both of our kids in their prams, he even wore our babies in a sling. And horror of horrors he has some pink T-shirts. Clearly he’s gay 🙄
it must be awful to be as terribly insecure as those men

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 30/04/2022 17:37

Interestingly, the only people I have ever heard express that they wouldn't want their kids to be gay, were a married lesbian couple. Their view was that being homosexual had made their lives harder, and that as parents, if their kids could have an easier life by being heterosexual, they would prefer that for them.

I was really shocked when they said it at first but the explanation made a lot of sense.

KatharinaRosalie · 30/04/2022 17:38

pushing a doll around in pushchair would surely make them rather a parent than gay?

JoeGoldberg · 30/04/2022 17:40

Pushing a pushchair around doesn't make children gay. Good grief.

Both my ex's are bisexual and would have no issue with out DC being gay. In fact no one I know would have a problem with that.

SinaraSmith · 30/04/2022 17:48

Dds dad, 2 grandfathers and my dp didn’t bag an eyelid when dd came out.

the only concern raised was by my Dad. It wasn’t even a concern about dd really it was about homophobia. He had been a police man and seen many homophobic attacks. He worried for her safety and worried that her life would be more dangerous because of it. But he said that privately to me, not to her because he didn’t want her to think he was suggesting hiding that she was a lesbian.

He is South Asian and worried about me and my brother being attacked because of our skin colour. He equated it to that.

TheWeeDonkey · 30/04/2022 17:54

I'd feel sorry for your colleague who's husband think parenting is not a man's job.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 18:02

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 30/04/2022 14:55

I quite liked 'homophobic teat' actually... Grin

On that note, it's not a phobia. They're not scared, they're just dreadful people.

Show quote history

Suckling at it makes one a bigot 🤣

Topseyt123 · 30/04/2022 18:12

I have a lesbian DD and neither DH nor I are remotely bothered. I think it is very sad when parents cannot accept the sexual orientation of their child.

It isn't a new thing in our family. DH has a gay cousin too. In fact, the only person I can think of who would have had difficulty accepting my DD for who she is would have been my own father. ☹️ However, he spent very very little time with his grandchildren so the subject never came up at all (no bad thing, or he might have shot his mouth off and been shut down VERY firmly by me).

DiscoBadgers · 30/04/2022 18:19

He wouldn’t care in the slightest. Both he and DS’s favourite colour is pink so he happily buys him pink toys and clothes.

I asked him to get DS some pjs this am, and he came back with pink ones pith purple sparkly unicorns on because “they looked the most fun” so I wouldn’t expect him to bat an eyelid at any changes of gender or sexuality.

doveseternal · 30/04/2022 18:24

Regardless of the LGBT community and outrage, I'd prefer not to have an LGBT child as statistically and clearly they have more difficult lives and are often subject to bullying and discrimination.

Reply with as much outrage as I'm sure most posters will but I simply would prefer not to.

Topseyt123 · 30/04/2022 18:59

doveseternal · 30/04/2022 18:24

Regardless of the LGBT community and outrage, I'd prefer not to have an LGBT child as statistically and clearly they have more difficult lives and are often subject to bullying and discrimination.

Reply with as much outrage as I'm sure most posters will but I simply would prefer not to.

You don't get the choice. Your child is who and what they are. You can't change them.

What should I have done when my DD came out to me? The only option for any reasonable parent is to love them unconditionally and be supportive where needed.

They have a hard enough time without parents or relatives who don't want to acknowledge that they have an LGBT child in the family. Unsurprisingly, there are often closely associated severe mental health issues.

doveseternal · 30/04/2022 19:01

@Topseyt123 I know I don't have a choice but I'm entitled to a preference.

Wouldn't abandon them of course but would worry for their future in regards to homophobia, bullying etc.

Perhaps you're sensitive regarding my preferences as you have a lesbian child?