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Original poster

How would dads react if they had a gay child?

124 replies

shellstarbarley · 30/04/2022 10:19

I had an interesting conversation with some work colleagues last night - one of the younger member of the team has a 3 yr old son who wanted a doll for christmas and his nan has now bought him a pink pushchair for him. This colleagues husband isn't happy because he doesn't think his son should be encouraged to push a baby round. This then led on to talking about how our husbands would feel if any of our children came out gay and nearly all of them said they think there husbands would find it hard. When I asked my partner this morning he just said ummmmm not sure......

OP posts:
Mydogisagentleman · 30/04/2022 10:59

DD is bi.
it isn’t our business so neither me nor DH gives it a moment’s thought

Eightiesfan · 30/04/2022 11:02

Mine wouldn’t care, when my DS was a toddler he had a hissy fit because one of his playmates wouldn’t let him share her doll’s pink buggy. We ended up buying him a red buggy and he went everywhere with it. Dad didn’t care one bit walking down the road with him. A child’s sexuality does not have anything to do with the toys they want or clothes they wear.

Northernsoullover · 30/04/2022 11:06

One of my friends, it was the mother who disowned him and the father who has been at his side throughout.

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Original poster
shellstarbarley · 30/04/2022 11:07

In this day and age I was a bit shocked. All my colleagues are younger are me so their husbands are in their early 30's which I would have thought would be more accepting. Our next door neighbours are gay and we often look after their little girl and they feed our cats when we are away - DP plays golf with one of them so I was bit shocked with his ummm not sure response. We have never really discussed it as it has never come up before.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 30/04/2022 11:10

Where do you work - the 1950s? I couldn’t stay married to a homophobic partner.

user1471538283 · 30/04/2022 11:13

My DS had a barbie and a baby doll. He often pushed his friends buggy around. You cannot influence sexual orientation.

My DF would not have minded. He had many gay friends.

Whatever sexual orientation your child has is not a reflection on you.

Marblessolveeverything · 30/04/2022 11:13

I asked my partner this he said his mind immediately goes to is would they still be less safe - as in homophobic attacks, not being able to walk down the road holding partner hands in certain countries. No issue with them and their sexuality but concerns about the world we live in.

Heartofglass12345 · 30/04/2022 11:14

I don't understand how people equate boys playing with dolls to being gay??!
It's a toy, children like toys and I'm sure many more straight men go on to have children than gay men! I couldn't be with someone who is homophobic, imagine how horrible it would be for the child being worried about coming out to their parents.

My sons are 6&8 and they know that men can marry men and women can marry women, although they were very disappointed to find out they couldn't marry each other Grin

FloydPepper · 30/04/2022 11:17

Dad here and no it wouldn’t be a problem at all. I just want my son to be happy and true to himself. Id love and be proud of him no matter what

he’s 12 and loving reading the heartstopper graphic novels, not sure if that’s because he sees it as a normal relationship or if he identifies a bit with the characters but tbh I kind of don’t care either way.

SilverPeacock · 30/04/2022 11:18

My Dh would not give a toss.

I have witnessed people telling their young sons ‘that’s for girls’ when they have gone to play with a pram. And there is still an awful lot of homophobia around sadly.

supersonicspider · 30/04/2022 11:20

Maybe my husband is actually gay then as he pushed the kids around in the pushchair loads. How ridiculous

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 30/04/2022 11:23

This is something that would come into play before I'd agree to marry/have a kid with/be in a long term relationship with someone. Are they homophobic? Even the 'oh I'd never shout abuse at a gay person, beat them up etc. I'd just rather not have a gay child'. That's still homophobia.

Yuck.

And isn't it weird how a little boy playing with dolls and prams is seen as 'gay' whereas all they're doing is playing at being a parent just like little girls do.

littleburn · 30/04/2022 11:24

Central to toxic masculinity is the idea that any 'caring' feeling or emotion is unmanly. So a boy having a doll or push chair is suspiciously 'unmanly' and therefore borderline gay (because being gay is, of course, very unmanly to this way of unthinking). It's really sad that so many men perpetuate this thinking and set their son's up for a lifetime of suppressing their feelings lest they be considered not proper men.

11stonesomething · 30/04/2022 11:24

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

AskingforaBaskin · 30/04/2022 11:25

I would say prior to my children my husband would have given some toxic manly BS.

I actually asked him a little while ago and now he wouldn't give a damn. Our babies are ours and who they are is who they are. They are ours to love and protect and we brought them into the world exactly as they are so we need to stand by them whatever the world throws at them.

Considering all the terrible things our children could do falling in love doesn't really register anymore

Bretonbear · 30/04/2022 11:26

If they were homophobic they'd not be happy. If they were a decent person they'd not be bothered.

Georgeskitchen · 30/04/2022 14:00

Finding it hard having a gay child doesn't make a parent homophobic. Maybe they need to get their heads round it, if it was an unexpected announcement. Some parents will have an inkling, for some it may be a total surprise. Doesn't mean homophobia if they take some time to absorb it. Maybe they worry for their child, and want them be happy and without fear
My best friend is gay and it took his parents some time to get used to the idea. They did, and wouldn't have him any other way

Xpologog · 30/04/2022 14:09

My bf’s nephew has kept his male partner hidden from his father for years. Everyone else in the family ( apart from late grandad) knows he’s gay and they’re a couple but because it’s well known dad would be unaccepting he keeps his life secret. Very sad.

YayitisfinallySpring · 30/04/2022 14:22

My DGS loved his toy pushchair and toy hoover. He's now armed forces, stationed a long way from home and has lots of girlfriends.

If he had been gay, none of us would have cared though.

AnnaSp567 · 30/04/2022 14:22

I asked my husband and he said he wouldn't mind one way or the other, which is what I expected.

He did say he would find a child coming out as trans more challenging to come to terms with, as it feels more like they are changing from the child he raised, but he would still always be there for them.

Frogslegsbigfeet · 30/04/2022 14:24

Wow, so shocked and dismayed at this. In this day and age homophobes still exist to this extent?

nauseating and shameful. What’s actually wrong with these people.

FrankLeeSpeaking · 30/04/2022 14:28

Some would react horribly. Some would on the surface be OK and probably accepting but maybe secretly be a bit uncomfortable. Some would not care a bit about it.

However, obviously, a pram and a doll isn't going to make a boy gay or boys shouldn't play with them. That kind of ridiculous gendering of toys has led us to thinking boys must be internally girls if they like pink and dolls.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 30/04/2022 14:28

One of my dc came out as gay and their dad and his whole side of the family disowned them. He has blocked them on every avaliable communication channel.

I'm nc with my mother and siblings anyway but they have all said they will take absolutely nothing to do with my dc (they didn't anyway) and that I pushed my 'gay agenda' on them because I allowed certain haircuts and hobbies and clothing.

pointythings · 30/04/2022 14:34

My late husband did very many things wrong, but when our DDs came out he didn't bat an eye lid.

DramaAlpaca · 30/04/2022 14:39

My DH wouldn't mind at all.