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Original poster

No presents request at wedding. Do people comply?

92 replies

Ancientbride · 29/04/2022 09:33

We’re getting married soon after many many years together and have requested that our guests don’t buy us presents. We don’t need anything and would rather people didn’t waste their money on us. Someone has suggested to me that this is a bit rude and that people will bring presents anyway. I’m expecting that we might get the odd present from close friends but is our request rude? Will it really be ignored?

OP posts:

Ostryga · 29/04/2022 09:35

Generally if no presents are requested I’ll either check with the B&G if I can make a donation in their name to a charity of their choice, or would they like cash/voucher for something.

I don’t like not giving anything at all, but they may just be me!

Floraanddougal · 29/04/2022 09:35

I’d say yes unless you give an alternative. So for example our friends said no gifts but if you wish to give this is our preferred charity. With the charity details. People usually feel they should do something and this solves this issue.

girlmom21 · 29/04/2022 09:36

I wouldn't gift objects if you specifically asked for no gifts. I'd probably put some money in the card.

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Blogdog · 29/04/2022 09:38

We wanted to do this for our wedding but were advised the same. What we ended up doing was requesting people didn’t give presents but if they felt they should do something to donate to a charity of our choice. I’d say roughly half the guests did this, and we still got some presents (<10), mainly token ones from older guests and thoughtful ones from very close friends.

I don’t regret the decision - apart from one or two gifts the rest are sitting in a box in the attic gathering dust.

Wnikat · 29/04/2022 09:42

We did charitable donation and most complied. Like PP we got > 10 gifts from older guests.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 29/04/2022 09:42

I think most people would take it to mean "send cash".

I was talking to an older woman a work a few years ago, I was attending a wedding that said "no gifts", I'd just bought a bottle to take. Her daughter was getting married at the same time and had also specified "no gifts". She gave me a right telling off as clearly they wanted cash!

RandomQuest · 29/04/2022 09:43

We did a no presents wedding. Hopefully no one thought we were rude! Roughly a quarter of guests gave money (not what we were hinting at all!), another quarter gave a token bottle of fizz which was lovely, another quarter gave random tat like engraved ornamental wooden spoons or candles that smelt like toilet cleaner and the rest actually complied and showed up empty handed. If I had a do-over I’d definitely go with a charity donation option too

Wnikat · 29/04/2022 09:43

I would have been mortified if people had taken it to be "give us cash".

AProperStinging · 29/04/2022 09:43

Yes, name a charity (or two or three) that you support, and if people really want to mark the occasion they can donate in your name.

ShirleyPhallus · 29/04/2022 09:44

On mumsnet, literally anything related to a wedding can be taken as “rude”. Even being invited to a wedding gets peoples hackles up for some reason!

It’s absolutely not rude to ask for no presents. Suggest a donation to charity in lieu of presents if you really want to say something

Inklingpot · 29/04/2022 09:51

We requested no presents (or money) but still got some random stuff given to us. I think there were people who felt they absolutely must give something no matter what but didn’t want to give money!

Original poster

Ancientbride · 29/04/2022 09:51

We really are not looking for cash! I’m surprised at these answers. A few bottles of whatever would be lovely but we genuinely don’t want our guests to spend any money on us. We did think about the charitable donation but decided against.

OP posts:

Daisy95 · 29/04/2022 09:54

We did asked for no presents and honestly I'd say 60% gave cash/vouchers, 20% gave bottles of fizz and then the rest did comply. But we got some much cash, I wish we'd have said charity donations didn't even think to do it before seeing it on here a few years later.

WouldBeGood · 29/04/2022 09:54

We did this and it’s not rude! If people insisted we’d say bring a bottle, but it was fine.

MiddleParking · 29/04/2022 09:55

We said no gifts and got lots of cash and champagne - both much appreciated but genuinely not what we intended. Some people gave us a card without a gift which was perfect, we kept and loved all the cards.

WouldBeGood · 29/04/2022 09:55

I really hate the charity thing, personally.

titchy · 29/04/2022 09:55

Why did you decide against a charitable donation? Your guests are presumably adults who can make their own decisions?

MaryBeardsShoes · 29/04/2022 09:55

We didn't want presents, as we have been together a long time, and were hoping we'd get away with just not mentioning as it seemed presumptuous to mention it. But then so many people have said they want to get us something we "really wanted" so we've made a small gift list of household stuff that is slightly fancy but not wildly expensive. Things that we can actually use. I think it will be nice to e.g. get the wedding table linen out for a fancy occasion and be reminded of the day.

QuirkyTurtle · 29/04/2022 09:56

On mumsnet, literally anything related to a wedding can be taken as “rude”. Even being invited to a wedding gets peoples hackles up for some reason!

AIBU to think it's rude my second cousin twice removed invited me to their wedding while they know full well it's the day before my birthday?

EasterDecorations · 29/04/2022 09:57

Yes to suggesting a charity, I'd feel bad not giving anything at all, I wouldn't give bubbly as not everyone likes it (we don't), charity is the perfect solution.

toastofthetown · 29/04/2022 09:57

I'd take that as an indirect request for a monetary gift. Giving a wedding gift is customary in the UK and it's hard for people to go against that. I would struggle to attend a wedding or birthday party without giving a gift. By asking for no gifts I think most would think that you don't want a toaster, some towels and an engraved photo frame.

I wouldn't find it rude though, though I don't find people asking for money rude either. We didn't mention gifts at all and most gave money. If you asked for donations to a charity in your name, I would do that in lieu of a gift.

MaryBeardsShoes · 29/04/2022 09:57

We thought about charitable giving, but people have specifically asked to get us "things" and most people we know give a lot to charity anyway.

ShirleyPhallus · 29/04/2022 09:58

QuirkyTurtle · 29/04/2022 09:56

On mumsnet, literally anything related to a wedding can be taken as “rude”. Even being invited to a wedding gets peoples hackles up for some reason!

AIBU to think it's rude my second cousin twice removed invited me to their wedding while they know full well it's the day before my birthday?

YANBU hun, I’d go NC for that as they’re clearly CFs!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 29/04/2022 09:58

WouldBeGood · 29/04/2022 09:55

I really hate the charity thing, personally.

I agree. There's a few charities I don't donate to. I wouldn't be impressed if that was requested. It seems presumptuous somehow.

Good call @Ancientbride with deciding against them.

Original poster

Ancientbride · 29/04/2022 09:58

titchy · 29/04/2022 09:55

Why did you decide against a charitable donation? Your guests are presumably adults who can make their own decisions?

I’m not sure that I like the charity thing, seems bit preachy, and still involves guests spending money when there is no need.
i’m not sure what you are getting at with the test of your post? Is it that our guests can decide to donate to charity or not?

OP posts:

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