No presents request at wedding. Do people comply?

[Ancientbride]

We’re getting married soon after many many years together and have requested that our guests don’t buy us presents. We don’t need anything and would rather people didn’t waste their money on us. Someone has suggested to me that this is a bit rude and that people will bring presents anyway. I’m expecting that we might get the odd present from close friends but is our request rude? Will it really be ignored?

People want to give something generally. I think it's easier to specify something. B &Q vouchers so they could tackle the garden, Dollars for the forthcoming American honeymoon were the last two. I'm happy to hand over cash, vouchers, contribute to the charity of choice just no twee poems.If invite said no presents I'd bring a bottle of nice fizz or a 50 quid voucher.

That sounds perfect to me 😊

A friend received 15 engraved items with their wedding date and names. Lovely but no one needs an array of engraved wood/spoons/glasses to display

It's not rude to say no gifts but from my experience some people will ignore. Its just ingrained to get a present.

You're probably better of having a small list/charity list/book list etc for people who genuinely want to get you both something.

My understanding was ‘no gifts’ means ‘cash please’

That's not really how it works tho.

They aren't turning up at whatever time they want and bringing with them whatever they want to eat, they aren't inviting along some extra pals. Weddings aren't about people just doing whatever they want.

And that should extend to the bride and groom not having to deal with 100 toasters because that's what people want

We did similar at our wedding and some people insisted on giving us cash. We did get one actual gift still, plus numerous bottles of bubbly (which were very gratefully accepted!).

Be prepared for the questions that people will inevitably ask, and perhaps have a standard response or suggested charity for cash donations for those that really want to give something.

We asked for charity donations (of givers choice) and one elderly person was very offended- she said if she wanted to give to charity she would, I didn’t need to ask her to!

Also I would say to brief your family / bridesmaids / best man well in advance because I know ours got a lot of quiet approaches along the lines of “I know Blogdog said she didn’t want presents but does she really mean that? Should I just get her something anyway? What would she like” etc etc.

If you don't want presents or cash, which you don't, think of a nice gesture or token that people could give you to satisfy their natural urge to give - a photo of you and them, a card with nice wishes etc

This comment shows you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Some people will get offended no matter what you write - this is a reflection on them and not you.

The polite request for no gifts is crystal clear. We also did not want to receive gifts (tat) that we then need to dispose of without harming the environment. Thankfully our guests were kind enough to follow our request and either gifted nothing or gave vouchers/money.

All those that think they are too special to follow the simple request - No, you're 'unique' gift that you found somewhere at a bargain price is not special to us and nor is it wanted. All we wanted was for you to come and celebrate our day with us and have fun. It is written in the clearest way possible

A lot of people are coming and we are providing all food and drink. There’s diverse groups of friends and many family members but I think we maybe could get the word out that we really don’t want gifts. It is of course complicated by the fact that between us we have attended many weddings of our guests and given presents but most of these were a long time ago when nobody requested ‘no presents’.

If you're going to put something in I think you prob need to say "please no gifts / cash" fro those who assume a straightforward comment is a manipulative demand for them to hand over their cash.

We asked for no presents and most people went along with that - although we did get quite a few questions checking that we were absolutely sure.

My DH's mother, uncles and grandma couldn't handle not giving a present and tried very hard to get us to tell them what they should buy. They also can't handle choosing gifts for anyone ever yet insist they must buy them. So that created a lot of drama and we ended up with a dinner service we didn't want.

But, happily, most people were fine with it

Given that cash is a monetary gift, if someone specified "no gifts" then I'd respect that.

It wouldn't even have occurred to me they were asking for cash before this thread and I remain unconvinced.

If my partner and I marry, then we will specify the same. And mean it.

I don't think that's rude at all.
I actually think that's really nice and I imagine a lot of people will feel relieved.

People spend so much money on a wedding what with the outfits, travel, hotel, drinks and giving cash/present. I have been to 3 weddings this year that I cannot afford and I would've appreciated an invitation like that!!

I think I would write something like "All we ask for is your company on our special day. No gifts or money, please just enjoy the day".

I haven't written that very well but something along those lines and I can't see how anyone could think it was rude :)

I don't think it's rude at all. Nice and non grabby.

The last wedding I went to didn't have a wedding list, it was a good friend so I asked her what she wanted and she said they really wanted cash, so I gave her cash and a bottle of wine.

Years ago I went to another friend's wedding which was overseas as he was marrying a lady from a European country and they said as so many of our guests will be travelling that's enough money spent and we don't want anything. That was all ok until a few weeks later when they said "we've had so many requests for a gift list, here's one". That was a bit annoying.

I think I would write something like "All we ask for is your company on our special day. No gifts or money, please just enjoy the day I think something like this might work.

I had a no presents wedding as it was my second and there was no need. We just wanted a small group of friends to come along and have a lovely day. We did get a few keepsake type gifts and some champagne and a photographer friend did our album as a gift which was lovely.

I think it's absolutely fine to say no gifts but people will bring things which is fine aswell I think 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've been a guest at a couple of weddings with a request for no presents and I found it really hard not to take something - I ended up taking a bottle of champagne (and I wasn't the only one who did that).

It didn't even occur to me that 'no presents' = 'I would like cash please'.

I've just been to a wedding, they didn't ask for or mentioned gifts.
I gave £100 in a card as a gift.
I'm assuming everyone else gave cash too.

We are going to a wedding in June where the couple have politely requested no gifts. Not in a cringe 'but give us your cash' way, they have stated 'Please - no gifts, cash or vouchers. Thank you very much'.

They are in their 30s, have kids and a home and have lived together for years. I think this is entirely appropriate in their circumstances. Wedding lists used to be to help young couple to set up their homes. Now they seem to be an opportunity for their guests to fund a honeymoon and I think it's really very rude.

We are treating them to a posh lunch later in the year, but we don't feel obliged to go against their explicit wishes and give them a gift or money they don't want.

That was exactly what we did and some people still gave presents. We’d been together for years so we genuinely didn’t want or need anything and just wanted people to enjoy the day. We got a small amount of cash in cards but there were a few people who decided to bring presents.

This is going to sound ungrateful, but the presents they brought were shit. In one case it was a set of budget matching towels. Someone did actually give us a cheap toaster (hello, 1970s!). There was also a random vase and a box of six wineglasses. As I said, I think it was people who felt unable to not give a present but were too tight to give cash.

We didn't want/ need presents and knew some guests needed to travel/stay overnight and didn't want them spending any more.
We suggested a bottle of wine (not fizzy) if people wanted to give us something and had a great selection that we enjoyed over the next couple of years. Some people gave us their favourite, some were cheap and some expensive but we thought of all the givers as we drank their wine.