Rude or honest child?

[Ohfgsnotagain]

My 6 year old has told a family member they didn’t like their birthday present from them. They also said the egg hunt was rubbish because they were asked to choose a prize from a bowl each time they found a cardboard egg. In the bowl were bags of popcorn, mini biscuits but no chocolate eggs.

I feel so embarrassed. I can’t stand ungrateful and rude children. We’ve always taught our children to have good manners and they both are highly praised at school for their ‘lovely’ manners.

Is my child just being honest or were they rude?

Rude. By six, they should have an awareness of what could hurt someone's feelings. Obviously, any six year old can get it wrong, but it was still rude and it needs to be addressed sharpish.

Rude - I have a 6yo and he wouldn't be able to fake enthusiasm well, but he would definitely know to keep his mouth shut. (Though I would privately also be thinking the egg hunt sounded a bit rubbish!)

Rude. They need to try to think how they’d feel if someone did similar to them. At six they should be able to remember if it’s not kind to say then they shouldn’t say it.

It was rude, but it isn't the end of the world. Children take time and guidance to learn what is and isn't appropriate, and when they get it wrong like this, they need to be corrected. At 6 you can have a conversation about how that would have made the other person feel, how they would feel if someone had rebuffed their present/a treat they had organised, etc. They'll get the hang of it.

I prefer teaching and explaining to rude children, rather than anger and punishment. That way the resultant good manners come from genuine consideration for others, and properly developed empathy, rather than just fear or habit.

Rude. Sorry.

That’s mortifyingly rude! I would be very disappointed with my child for saying those things. I’ve always told my child that they can not like things, but if someone has done something for them and thought about them then you say thank you and that’s it. Honesty that’s just hurtful to the person on the receiving end is completely unnecessary.

Sometimes honesty can be rude. They need to learn that sometimes no matter what you say thank you because it’s the thought that counts

Rude. He's little, he'll learn I'm sure but I'd definitely be having a serious talk with him and dishing out some consequences.

I think the fact you are embarrassed tells you what you need to know.
Yes, your child was rude. But she’s 6, and she will learn, you need to tell her she was rude and needs to apologise.

Thank you I’m mortified and it’s really bothering me.

The family member it was said to had brushed it off as ‘just being honest’ but I don’t want my child ‘just being honest’ like that. They’ve had the chat several times about how sometimes you’ll receive a present you don’t like but you smile and say thank you. And how people put lots of thought in to choosing presents and they’re doing something kind so if you don’t like it you don’t tell them as it may upset them. I also tell my children if they have nothing kind to say then say nothing.

I have a real pet hate for “I am only being honest” as an excuse for rudeness. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you have raised your child to behave like so go with your instinct of it being rude. Even honesty can be very hurtful.

Both of mine have gone through phases of brutal honestly e.g. “thank you for the pens. We already have lots of pens at home” or staying that they weren’t very into peppa pig or whatever when gifted something. This was around age 3-5 maybe. My almost 5 year old can now be relied upon not to say these things out loud but I remain hyper alert when she is being gifted something.

The use of “rubbish” would annoy me more than the statement of fact about expecting eggs.

That was a rubbish egg hunt though. Your child was correct.

Rude

They were rude but I would be secretly admiring their honesty. The amounts of times I would have loved to said your present was rubbish (usually because zero thought has gone into it).

A bit of both. I don't think 6 is too young to learn about the art of social lying but I wouldnt necessarily expect them to have mastered it yet.

The thing with "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing" is that quite often children are put on the spot and saying nothing is not possible. I also think an easter egg hunt at which you get no Easter eggs is pretty disappointing so I wouldnt expect them to feign delight at that one.

Very rude. By that age they should have an understanding of what's appropriate

It’s rude. I’d have them write a short letter apologizing.
And next time pull him/her up on it.

Yeah. Rude.

Very rude

Rude

My kids are adults now, but if they ever even hinted at rudeness, I spoke to them about it every single time. Punishment wasn't necessary, but they needed to be aware and they needed guidance.

Well yes it was rude. Sounds like a shit Easter egg hunt though.

@Ohfgsnotagain

Thank you I’m mortified and it’s really bothering me.

The family member it was said to had brushed it off as ‘just being honest’ but I don’t want my child ‘just being honest’ like that. They’ve had the chat several times about how sometimes you’ll receive a present you don’t like but you smile and say thank you. And how people put lots of thought in to choosing presents and they’re doing something kind so if you don’t like it you don’t tell them as it may upset them. I also tell my children if they have nothing kind to say then say nothing.

In that case it'll fall into place eventually - just keep it up.

But please don't teach your DC if they have nothing kind to say then say nothing, because there will be times where they have to speak up for themselves or for someone else and it won't always sound 'kind'.

Far better to teach them to think carefully before they speak, and ask themselves if what they're about to say (if it sounds unkind) is truly necessary.

I'm surprised to see several posters advocating forced apologies. That's completely counterproductive. If you want to raise a human being who apologises promptly and sincerely, then you teach them empathy and guide them to understand how making amends can make both parties feel better. Not stand over them while they parrot an apology under duress.

Rude but honest