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Original poster

Rude or honest child?

101 replies

Ohfgsnotagain · 18/04/2022 22:06

My 6 year old has told a family member they didn’t like their birthday present from them. They also said the egg hunt was rubbish because they were asked to choose a prize from a bowl each time they found a cardboard egg. In the bowl were bags of popcorn, mini biscuits but no chocolate eggs.

I feel so embarrassed. I can’t stand ungrateful and rude children. We’ve always taught our children to have good manners and they both are highly praised at school for their ‘lovely’ manners.

Is my child just being honest or were they rude?

OP posts:
grey12 · 18/04/2022 22:40

I would say abrupt. My kids would probably accept the gift, say thank you and tell me "in secret" that they didn't really like it.

Well sorry to say this, but maybe a little spoiled as well?.... most 6 yo I know would gladly accept any crappy gift 🤷🏻‍♀️

You do need to drill on your child the importance of saying thank you when receiving something, anything!

But I do agree that no little chocolate eggs for the egg hunt is disappointing....

ClaudiusTheGod · 18/04/2022 22:41

Both!

Your child is only 6 though … don’t beat yourself up, just see this as a learning opportunity for your child. This is a good time to introduce/ further develop the idea of manners sometimes involving having to keep your thoughts to yourself. You could make up some pretend situations with your child and role play possible responses. You sound lovely - one day you might even laugh about this!

Crinkle77 · 18/04/2022 22:42

@WindowsSmindows

That was a rubbish egg hunt though. Your child was correct.
Yeah I agree. Most kids (and myself) would expect an Easter egg hunt to contain real eggs.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Families
Hiphopfrogger · 18/04/2022 22:44

I remember being similarly rude to a relative when I was around 7. I’m mortified now and can’t imagine why i was so impolite at the time but then again because I remember it so clearly I think it was probably a significant learning experience.

randomjo · 18/04/2022 22:45

I think they would have had such high expectations and were disappointed. I would talk to them about it but wouldn't worry they'll end up being a rude person. The child is 6, they can't get it right every time

SpringSunshine09 · 18/04/2022 22:49

Looks like I might be alone here but I think they are still quite young at 6 and I feel like this was just innocent honesty! I think there are ways of delivering honest comment like this and maybe that might be the thing to work on if the delivery was an issue. But surely we should embrace the honest comments of our children? I don't always think we take children seriously and sometimes expect them to just be polite to the detriment of their wants and desires - often to keep other adults happy. But it sounds like the child knows exactly what they like and perhaps the birthday present made them feel like they weren't 'seen' in some way. If that makes sense? And to be fair an Easter egg hunt without Easter eggs for a 6 year old is probably a bit disappointing. So I'd try to explain about how to deliver such comments whilst also embracing the fact that they are courageous enough to be honest. You don't want them to lose that honesty, it will be really handy in life.

Whalewhisperer · 18/04/2022 23:00

I agree @SpringSunshine09. I think we should teach our children to always state clearly what is and isn't acceptable to them. Nonchikd should have to pretend they like something an adult inflicts on them. You never know when this honesty could be needed in a serious situation. As they get older and we teach them about empathy and right and wrong, delivery can be fine tuned but never punish a small child for being honest about what is and isn't acceptable to them.

Whalewhisperer · 18/04/2022 23:02

Teach adults to be thicker skinned and not be so offended by an honest comment about chocolate!! It's not rude, it's honest.

Howmanydaysuntilfriday · 18/04/2022 23:05

Rude but honest. Tact would work well here

MarmitesMyMate · 18/04/2022 23:14

Rude. But hes 6.
I remember my db saying to a relative that £5 cash wasn't much in his birthday card. My dad made him give it back for being rude. Db was about 8 then so should have known better

Mariposista · 18/04/2022 23:17

Very rude. Perhaps you need to suggest giving away his presents to a child who has nothing and who would be grateful for them (even if it’s just a threat) until he can learn to be polite.

CorsicaDreaming · 18/04/2022 23:31

@Ohfgsnotagain - although if you turn it on it's head... and assuming there is no good health reason the children cannot have chocolate eggs (like diabetes), it is fairly mean misguided to give them healthy snacks not Easter eggs on an Easter egg hunt.

If I was given a pack of popcorn by someone who must know I'd rather have chocolate eggs as a prize, I'd feel fairly cheesed off... And if it was a family member (DH or DM) I'd probably tell them so as well!

Emmelina · 18/04/2022 23:34

Honest, but also rude. Does your child usually have no filter?

CavernousScream · 18/04/2022 23:36

At 6, yes it’s rude but also it is hard to cover up disappointment at that age. And if that was the only egg hunt they got to do it would have been very disappointing for them. Yes, they need to learn to politely pretend it’s ok, but at six that is really hard!

PaperTyger · 18/04/2022 23:44

Op I have two DC And ironically the most honest is the most sensitive child

Those saying " by six they should have an appreciation of others feelings" have no deeper understanding of children.
6 years old for god's sake is tiny;
It's a fucking learning experience.
Kindly And gently ... after the event explain the effort some one went to...
It's learning you don't get these things by 6.

PaperTyger · 18/04/2022 23:46

I'd also caution denying they child his feelings.

It's okay for adults to go too event's and be disappointed.... same for child

watcherintherye · 19/04/2022 00:08

For better or worse, I always used to prime my dc before Birthdays, Xmas, or any occasion involving opening presents in front of the people who gave them, that they should look pleased and say thank you, even if they didn’t like it or they already had it.

One relative used to always give vouchers for the same (long defunct) store which a) had nothing the dc wanted and b) was cutting its branches in the process of becoming defunct, and had done so in our town quite early on. The downside to their wonderfully believable gratitude was that the relative carried on buying the vouchers till the store eventually folded!

MinesATriple · 19/04/2022 00:09

It's not great is it, but he's still learning.

Teach him to say (and think) that it was kind of the giver. Which it always is, even if it’s not the perfect gift or the perfect egg hunt.

Oinkypig · 19/04/2022 00:19

I don’t know, I was a very polite child but received many presents from relatives that were really really rubbish. I don’t think just because someone gives a gift automatically means they are kind and deserve gratitude. You just have to look at the number of threads on here where gifts are given to make a point or with no care. I don’t think your child was rude but they were honest, at 6 they are entitled to their feelings. It’s not like they were Dudley from Harry Potter complaining about presents they were disappointed not to get Easter eggs from an egg hunt!

Dinoteeth · 19/04/2022 00:33

I think 6 is still quite young. And they might not have been to an egg hunt before been primed to expect eggs but got other stuff instead.

It's a hard one for kids to learn. You want them to say thanks. But at the same time I want them to be discreetly honest if they don't like a gift, rather than stuff it in the back of the cupboard never to be seen again. If I know then I will attempt to exchange it.

Easter egg hunt, sounds a bit rubbish so next year I'd suggest something different.

Eeksteek · 19/04/2022 00:38

@Ohfgsnotagain

Thank you I’m mortified and it’s really bothering me.

The family member it was said to had brushed it off as ‘just being honest’ but I don’t want my child ‘just being honest’ like that. They’ve had the chat several times about how sometimes you’ll receive a present you don’t like but you smile and say thank you. And how people put lots of thought in to choosing presents and they’re doing something kind so if you don’t like it you don’t tell them as it may upset them. I also tell my children if they have nothing kind to say then say nothing.

Yes, but they are six. For an adult to say it would be rude. A six year old can’t be expected to (always) have the same level of self control, especially if they are disappointed. If she’s usually kind, and this is a mistake, point it out and let it go. Adults are rude all the time. Six year olds are still leaning and should be definitely be cut some slack. Honesty is important too, and the nuances of when to tell the truth and when to lie politely are pretty subtle.
Daydreamsinsantafe · 19/04/2022 00:39

Rude but coming from a place of disappointment. I have one that wound respond like this but it would really be about them feeling frustrated and upset but not knowing how to manage that.
Six is very very little. More so for some than others. Another one of mine would never dream of saying something like that.
I’d let it go.

Sunnytwobridges · 19/04/2022 00:43

Sorry it’s rude and I would be utterly mortified.

OppsUpsSide · 19/04/2022 00:44

I think they were being 6.

Calandor · 19/04/2022 07:05

A bit of both, but tbf Why no chocolate eggs??