Rude or honest child?

[Ohfgsnotagain]

My 6 year old has told a family member they didn’t like their birthday present from them. They also said the egg hunt was rubbish because they were asked to choose a prize from a bowl each time they found a cardboard egg. In the bowl were bags of popcorn, mini biscuits but no chocolate eggs.

I feel so embarrassed. I can’t stand ungrateful and rude children. We’ve always taught our children to have good manners and they both are highly praised at school for their ‘lovely’ manners.

Is my child just being honest or were they rude?

But please don't teach your DC if they have nothing kind to say then say nothing, because there will be times where they have to speak up for themselves or for someone else and it won't always sound 'kind'

This is excellent advice. 👏👏

This might be my European upbringing speaking but I think it depends on how it was communicated.

"Thanks for the egg hunt Auntie Susan"
"Did you like it?"
"Not really, sorry"

That would be fine. If anything, a good opportunity to talk about how to be honest without hurting someone's feelings (or at least minimising the hurt).

If it was "The egg hunt was rubbish, Auntie Susan", then yes, very rude.

@WindowsSmindows

That was a rubbish egg hunt though. Your child was correct.

The effort put into it wasn't rubbish though.

I don’t think just because someone gives a gift automatically means they are kind and deserve gratitude

They may not be kind, but they absolutely DO deserve gratitude. Some people are crap at present buying, but they still went to the effort, and DID it. That deserves a thank you at the very least

The effort put in might not have been rubbish but the kids would have been assumed egg hunt = chocolate.

Remember the kid is 6, Easter 2021, very little was happening on the Easter side of things we were just exiting the second lockdown and Easter 2020 we were in lockdown.
So he may or may not have done an egg hunt before or have great memories of doing one in 2019 when he was 3.

He's little and disappointed that he didn't get the chocolate he was expecting.

God I'm so bad at this stuff (diagnosed autistic which perhaps isn't a surprise). To me that doesn't seem rude, it seems honest, and instinctively I wouldn't want to train a child to lie.

But I guess it depends how you say it as much as what you say. I'd be trying to explain tact I guess. And realistically people expect you to lie throughout life, so maybe it's good to hammer in the lessons early on.

On the other hand, creating a chocolate hunt for a six year old that doesn't end up in chocolate, WTF?!

Rude. Tbh effort should be recognised rather than outcome. I think they start understanding empathy around 6 or 7 so it’s a teachable moment. I haven’t liked many gifts I received, I’m terrible at giving gifts myself, I’ve always been polite because it’s still someones time, effort and money that is being handed over to me. Same with the egg hunt, someones time and effort. These things should be valued imo, both your own and others.

I think your childs reaction is normal for their age and I would see it as a chance to talk about empathy.

I don’t think its lying to say “thank you for creating an egg hunt” that statement isn’t saying you thought it was good. Or “thank you for the gift” it’s thanking for being given a gift, it doesn’t make a comment on how much you like it.

@Rinatinabina

I don’t think its lying to say “thank you for creating an egg hunt” that statement isn’t saying you thought it was good. Or “thank you for the gift” it’s thanking for being given a gift, it doesn’t make a comment on how much you like it.

Feels like lying to me if you're not really grateful.

But then, like I said, this is what we have to do in life (and I do play along) - so it is what it is.

At 6? It would depend tbh. If they were asked if they had liked the present and they said no then not rude. If after a rubbish Easter egg hunt they had also expressed that the birthday present had been rubbish they may have been drawing a comparison.

I’d still be having a talk with them about how to express that though.

the effort put into it wasnt rubbish though

Or maybe it was? Some old cardboard egg shapes plus whatever was left in the cupboard. Not saying this was the case but it's perfectly possible.

Rude

However
That Easter egg hunt sounds like such a bloody let down- I’d struggle to hide the disappointment myself 😂

Is there any reason there were no chocolate eggs and it wasn’t done in the normal fashion? I think a lot of children would be disappointed with this egg hunt. I also think most poster’s 6 year olds (including the ones saying your child was rude) would probably have said something/complained. Only on MN are all the children beautifully behaved and grateful for crumbs thrown under a table.

I run a beaver pack and the children are generally well behaved and I guarantee nearly all of them would have complained about the lack of chocolate.

If there was some reasons (pets/dietary requirements) then I would have set expectations. Most children can understand things if explained, so for example, “we can’t have chocolate cause we have dogs and we can’t risk them eating it”.

The only 6 year old I know who possibly would not have complained would be my Autistic child who is hyper empathetic, but even he would have probably said to me after “I would have liked some chocolate”.

I would not make your child write a letter. I might have a chat reminding them the person who organised went to lots of effort.

Don't be mortified; it's just a learning curve. We tell them to be honest all the time and that they shouldn't lie. But also we never explicitly tell them to be less than honest in order to spare someone's feelings, but that's what we mean and it just takes kids a little while to figure it out.

If someone explicitly asks you did you enjoy the egg hunt and you didn't but you know you're not allowed to lie, it's hard to figure out the right thing to say.

I think 6 is still young. My mim bought my 6 year old daughter a summer dress. It was very casual every day dress. She got one for my baby niece too but hers was very fancy with bows etc. my dd kept going on and on about how she prefers her cousins dress.
Its a teaching opportunity. But i wouldnt get too cross at this age. Hiding disappointment is hard and 6 is still very young.

That does sound like a rubbish Easter egg hunt! The prizes are supposed to be Easter eggs, everyone knows that.

But by 6 I'd be expecting a child (even a disappointed one ) to have developed some social filters and know you don't always say exactly what you think.
Are they impulsive in other ways? Have difficulty suppressing the first idea that comes into their head?

Rude.

By 6 they should absolutely know that when someone gives you a gift you don't say "I don't like it", and even if they found the egg hunt disappointing, there is no excuse for saying it was "rubbish".

If I’d said that at that age, my mum would have put me straight in the car and taken me home!

That's rude. Ungrateful brat.

Crikey

Lol at describing a disappointed six year old as rude and then using the phrase ‘ungrateful brat’ about a disappointed six year old. They’re six, you’re an adult. Don’t talk like that about tiny children.

Ach 6 is forgivable!
You dont want her to grow up being mindlessly agreeable?
Rude to me, is : " this is rubbish" without prompting ? Was she not asked what she thought? She told you.

Rude.
Very.

TBF that sounds like a shit Easter egg hunt. Why not just give them the bloody chocolate?! Biscuits aren’t exactly healthier!

You must know the answer. They are both rude and honest. But at 6, they are still young and learning. So I wouldn't punish them, but explain why it was rude and they can't do that to others.