Why are my mum and dh's mum, so shocked that I don't do dh's washing?!

[Wisteriabloom]

We're a family of 4, and dh being very sporty, wears a lot of stuff that needs a low setting, no fabric conditioner etc, so he's always preferred to do his own washing. That way it's all kept separate and doesn't get mixed up with ours. I do my washing (obviously!), and our two teenagers, plus towels/bedding etc, so quite a lot!

We stayed with dh's family recently and as we were packing his mum commented my washing machine will be in demand once we're back! Dh chipped in 'I'll be first, van get all mine dine in about 2 loads'! His mum instantly said 'WHAT? Wisteria doesn't do your WASHING?! I said No, giving the reasons above. She pursed her lips, saying, 'That sounds alien to me, how weird!'

Yesterday my mum popped round, as dh got back from football training. He called out to me 'Is the washing machine empty? I'll put my stuff straight in if it is!' Mum turned to me - 'WHAT, you don't do it for him? In my day it was always the wife who washed football kit!' I explained that again, why he prefers to do his own and she just shook her head! When I offer to put his in with ours he always says no. I do plenty of washing but their reaction threw me, it's not as if he's washing for the whole house!

In my day it was always the wife who washed football kit! that sums it up. In their day it was different.

Oh don't be so fake wide-eyed 🤣🤣

You know this will be because previous generations of women nearly always washed their husband's clothes.

Is there a reason why he doesn’t do your or his children's laundry?
My DH does ALL the laundry!!! Always has. He does his own ironing and did the children's ironing when they lived at home.

It's unusual for adults in a family to do it separately I would say. So whoever is putting a load on takes everything that needs doing. We do all clothes low temp / no fabric conditioner so sports stuff goes in with other stuff.

The weird thing to me is you imply you would do it if he'd let you?!

I've found, a house of DH and 3 boys we all have wierd things. I wear white more than the males and I have more delicate items but they have sporty clothes. DH and I just put a load in machine when it needs doing. It's not him doing mine or me doing his, it's just sharing the work

Mine does about 70% or his but only about 10% of the household stuff. He puts it in when I tell him, I honestly don't think he notices when sheets need washing.

He was doing his own washing when he lived with his parents though and it's only me filling up loads with bits of his clothes that causes him not to do all of his.

How weird, but you’re still doing more - why can’t he do the kids/towels too?

My DH does all the washing, because he’s an adult human being and I’d laugh if his mum suggested I ‘should’ do it.

I'm with you, my DH insists on washing all his sports gear. I do most of the rest of the laundry. He does the ironing though. My MIL is no longer with us but I'm certain she'd be appalled. Adult DS living at home does his own laundry too. My own DM, in her 80s, thinks it's great, she used to hate being expected to wash all DF's cricketing gear.

We share the washing in our house and always have done, but when we married 30 years ago my mother was horrified that I didn't do my DH's ironing! I decided that he had managed perfectly well for the 3 years previously before I'ld met him when he had been single and I preferred to spend my time off with my dd and him.

How hard is it to realise that they are probably from a generation where washing was in the main women's work. Do you really not know that ?

Ik surprised you have to ask tbh

However your DH does sound like he might be expecting some kind o audit, why so many conversations about washing?

In fact why do I keep reading and posting on threads about washing

My OH does his own washing, mainly for the same kind of reasons. He used to work in a really dirty/grimey industry and his clothes were heavily soiled and needed a good hot biological wash... compared to my briefly worn stuff and delicates. He works in a clean sterile environment now but we still have separate baskets. Habit I suppose

Doesn't mean I won't hang his out or vice Versa though. It's no biggie

Had similar from my Mum. Ignore. Classic example of "you do you"

I reckon there's a secret section of wedding vows when the couple go off to sign the register, where the bride vows to undertake all the groom's washing ironing and buying of his family's birthday and Christmas presents. As DP and I aren't married I didn't get the memo so .......

I think it’s weird that he only does his own. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Any of us, including 2 teens, put a wash on.

*that includes everyone else’s washing I mean.

The only conversation similar to those which you recount @Wisteriabloom was when my now ex-MIL came for lunch and Ex-DH jumped up to do the washing up. Ex-MIL said "aren't you lucky, with him always helping out" just as ex-DH asked "where do we keep the washing up stuff?" while opening cupboards randomly.

I had to actually point him in the direction of the utility room where the dishwasher was. His mum was not impressed with him after that!

Oh don't be so fake wide-eyed

Love this ^

I agree with Easter and JustWinginIt
I find it weird that a family don't just do the washing that is there, and keep it separate, yes.
Don't your teens have sports stuff too ?
Doesn't your dh have clothes that aren't sports stuff ?
It is uneconomical in terms of both power and time for people to be washing separately in a family unit. Doesn't make sense at all.

It was just the norm in their day, isnt now. It is actually a bit crap you get lumbered with all the family washing though and your capable dh doesnt chip in.

Personally I think he's being unreasonable just doing his own stuff. And you should have pointed that out to your elder generations who still think a woman's place is to do fucking everything.

It’s sad people are surprised by that; DH washes his own work stuff and our joint clothes we both do although he plays it safe with what he might put in of mine.
My mil is sometimes vaguely surprised that we don’t follow the same set up she and fil did even though she didn’t work so was a very different set up

Jackie Collins - It's not that I'm eager for him to 'let me', it's just if I'm putting a half load on, or I can see he's got loads of washing, it seems practical for me to put his in with mine & DC's, but he always says no as he wants his kept separate, and wants to do it in his own time.

To the poster who asked why he doesn't do mine & DC's, it's never come up, he wouldn't think to!

Did you grow up with your mum, watching her do whatever washing?

If so, why is her reaction a surprise to you?

Your household washing situation 🙄 is what it is. It works for you. It’s not a feminist treatise, and your DH isn’t an especially advanced male specimen. Let’s just move on from all this retrograde faux feminism, please.

It's unusual for adults in a family to do it separately I would say. So whoever is putting a load on takes everything that needs doing

I agree. Washing gets sorted by type in our house, not by who wears them, so all towels, all whites, all darks etc.

I think it’s clear that previous generations of women did the washing in general, but I’m also surprised they aren’t aware that times have changed and women are no longer the house maid.

Might crack open an Easter egg for this one OP…. 👀