Why are my mum and dh's mum, so shocked that I don't do dh's washing?!

[Wisteriabloom]

We're a family of 4, and dh being very sporty, wears a lot of stuff that needs a low setting, no fabric conditioner etc, so he's always preferred to do his own washing. That way it's all kept separate and doesn't get mixed up with ours. I do my washing (obviously!), and our two teenagers, plus towels/bedding etc, so quite a lot!

We stayed with dh's family recently and as we were packing his mum commented my washing machine will be in demand once we're back! Dh chipped in 'I'll be first, van get all mine dine in about 2 loads'! His mum instantly said 'WHAT? Wisteria doesn't do your WASHING?! I said No, giving the reasons above. She pursed her lips, saying, 'That sounds alien to me, how weird!'

Yesterday my mum popped round, as dh got back from football training. He called out to me 'Is the washing machine empty? I'll put my stuff straight in if it is!' Mum turned to me - 'WHAT, you don't do it for him? In my day it was always the wife who washed football kit!' I explained that again, why he prefers to do his own and she just shook her head! When I offer to put his in with ours he always says no. I do plenty of washing but their reaction threw me, it's not as if he's washing for the whole house!

We just share it all although I do more as I'm at home more. I think their response isn't surprising though, things were very different when they were younger. My mum still does my dad's washing but they split chores (sort of).

I just chuck my sports gear in with the normal wash so to me the only thing is I'd think that as a family you probably take better care of your clothes than I do. My family member found it outrageous that I didn't do any ironing 'how are my clothes not wrinkly!!!' I then pointed out that DH does any required ironing and it was gasps and pearl clutching all round! Ok, maybe slight exaggeration but you get the idea!

If DH only washed his own clothes and left everything else to me, I'd be pissed off!
He hardly sounds like a modern man, just that he doesn't trust you with his precious garms.

I don't do my husbands because whenever I fall behind he does his own and not mine and DD's. So now I never ever do his

Do you work op? If you do, I hope they express horror that your dh doesn't solely support you financially, seeing as they're so traditional in their thinking

Splitting it is odd though.

My husband does most of the housework so I am not sexist about household tasks but splitting laundry is weird. Surely you just do a load when there is a full load worth of darks/lights/delicates/woollens and then put the machine on. It doesn't matter what belongs to who.

Yep it's just what used to happen. Our parents were surprised that he did the was including mine and the girls. Sometimes I did the wash but usually him. He did most of the ironing says I'm still not much good at it.

'No Mum/Mil, I'm not a maid and times have changed over the last 40 yrs, so unclench'

Yeah I kind of agree it’s not great that he insists on doing his washing (presumably you wouldn’t do it right) yet it never occurs to him to do anyone else’s

DH does all the washing I hate it it’s his chore to do (we split chores around 70/30 in line with working hours) and this one is his

We don't iron either (or very rarely), much to my mum's horror! 😀
And yes, I did grow up with my mum washing for everyone in the house, but not every household was like this! I remember when we first got married though, she asked if dh expects a meal on the table when he walks in. My response - 'If he's home first he cooks/if I am I do/he doesn't like eating as soon as he's home, we eat later' didn't go down well at all! But then my dad was never later home than 5 ish, and that was when we all ate as a family! Different times, I realise ....

I'm amazed he doesn't do 50% of the washing, but here's the solution: stop doing it.

Put only your own stuff in to wash and see what happens. Necessity is the mother of invention. If people don't see consequences for their actions, often they won't change them.

Not doing the washing other than your own will be the quickest way to demonstrate that there's a problem. Direct all questions from teenagers about their clothes to dad.

Haha she would be utterly shocked at my household DP does my ironing

It's odd he doesn't do any of the kids washing. He's clearly filed that under wife work. Yet he puts half loads on of his own washing, or 'let's' you put on half loads instead of including his. I think that's an odd state of things and very wasteful.

My DH does his own. Works for us. They’re very old fashioned and misogynistic.

Their comments are so weird and sexist. Ignore. Surely he should be doing the whole family washing sometimes too anyway? Why just you?

I don't do anybody's washing except my own now. DH does his own, as does DS (although he needs reminding to do it). I do do our bedding and towels/tea towels etc.

I find it really odd your DH just does his own washing and never thinks to stick anyone else’s on. He sounds a bit selfish to me.

I do mine and DHs
I find it weird your teens don’t do their own!

I just find it odd cos its more of a faff than anything. So your DH is putting just a football kit in the wash and nothing else? sounds like a waste of water and electricity. I also have lots of sports stuff that needs low temp and no fabric softener due to 2 sports kids but that just all gets sorted when you sort the washing. I have whites, darks, sports stuff, towels and bedding as my piles. Couldn't be arsed trying to coordinate different people wanting the washing machine at the same time etc.

I was at work last week. DH did all the washing, cleaning etc as he was off. My Mum was horrified. Thankfully life has moved on!

My dh is also picky about how the washing is done but he does everyone's

Same in our house. DH does his own and i do mine. Kids moved out now but i did theirs too when they were here. Me and DH didnt get together until our early 40s and he had always lived on his own before then so he is used to cooking, cleaning the house etc. It has never been an issue. Everything is pretty much split 50/50 with us although he does make more cups of tea, the kettle is never off in our house!

It's odd that non specialist washing isn't done communally - who does it is irrelevant. Sports kit on different settings being done by the wearer is more common. We have a communal laundry basket and either of us put it on

Well it was the norm for them. Do whatever works for you but I don’t know why your husband can’t do any other washing other than his own.

We have separate hampers and wash our own, we have no DC so works for us.

Same with birthday cards/Christmas presents and cards we buy for our own relatives.

In no universe would I ever wash my DP’s clothes or buy his Christmas presents (or anything else he’s capable of doing that’s his responsibility). We both work full time, myself more hours actually. No excuse. I can’t stand lazy men and have no respect for them.

I'm "shocked" your dh selfishly does his own washing and leaves you to do all the rest. It's 2022. He needs to step up.