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Original poster

Why are my mum and dh's mum, so shocked that I don't do dh's washing?!

104 replies

Wisteriabloom · 17/04/2022 19:08

We're a family of 4, and dh being very sporty, wears a lot of stuff that needs a low setting, no fabric conditioner etc, so he's always preferred to do his own washing. That way it's all kept separate and doesn't get mixed up with ours. I do my washing (obviously!), and our two teenagers, plus towels/bedding etc, so quite a lot!

We stayed with dh's family recently and as we were packing his mum commented my washing machine will be in demand once we're back! Dh chipped in 'I'll be first, van get all mine dine in about 2 loads'! His mum instantly said 'WHAT? Wisteria doesn't do your WASHING?! I said No, giving the reasons above. She pursed her lips, saying, 'That sounds alien to me, how weird!'

Yesterday my mum popped round, as dh got back from football training. He called out to me 'Is the washing machine empty? I'll put my stuff straight in if it is!' Mum turned to me - 'WHAT, you don't do it for him? In my day it was always the wife who washed football kit!' I explained that again, why he prefers to do his own and she just shook her head! When I offer to put his in with ours he always says no. I do plenty of washing but their reaction threw me, it's not as if he's washing for the whole house!

OP posts:
neerg · 18/04/2022 08:37

My husband does his own work stuff. He does a dirty job and finds it easier to wash it dry it and keep it all together in sets. He keeps it separate from the rest and washes it when he needs it. I will do it if he asks me and he is busy. The rest of the washing,we share. To me, this is normal.

Threetulips · 18/04/2022 08:42

Why didn’t MIL do all the washing while you were there?

DH does all our washing bar the bedding - washes dries folds and puts away! Sorts socks. Not reason why he can’t do it.

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 18/04/2022 08:45

I had to check I hadn’t overslept by a couple of decades.

My df did as much laundry as my dm and we were all taught how to sort, operate a washing machine and peg it out in primary school. It was my df who taught me how to iron, just like ye taught my db.

Df was considered a modern man in the 1970s but he wasn’t unusual. Most of my dm’s friends worked and were married to
men who supported the women’s liberation movement. There were still a majority of housewives in my childhood, but by my late teens, lots had joined the workplace from an empty nest.

I’m genuinely astonished that so many of you seem to have grown up in the 50s though. Even my gm, who was a classic 1950s housewife was more forward minded than that.

A580Hojas · 18/04/2022 08:49

Funny that you've been with your dh long enough to have teenage children and yet both your mother and mil only found out that he does his own washing quite recently.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 18/04/2022 08:55

@LadyCordeliaFitzgerald

I had to check I hadn’t overslept by a couple of decades.

My df did as much laundry as my dm and we were all taught how to sort, operate a washing machine and peg it out in primary school. It was my df who taught me how to iron, just like ye taught my db.

Df was considered a modern man in the 1970s but he wasn’t unusual. Most of my dm’s friends worked and were married to
men who supported the women’s liberation movement. There were still a majority of housewives in my childhood, but by my late teens, lots had joined the workplace from an empty nest.

I’m genuinely astonished that so many of you seem to have grown up in the 50s though. Even my gm, who was a classic 1950s housewife was more forward minded than that.

Yes, I grew up in the 70s/80s in pretty conservative areas. My dad definitely wouldn't have called himself a feminist, but he did vacuuming, washing up, food shopping etc. I'd say that was typical at the time. The women did do more (plus ça change..), but I can only think of one family where the wife did everything, in the way that MN seems to think was normal a generation ago.
Magnoliayellowbird · 18/04/2022 09:01

Each to his own. I'm the generation when women did all the laundry, but it's DH who does it now. I do all the ironing ( I don't think he's ever used an iron in his life), and sheets and towels go to the laundry. It works for us.

Dammitthisisshit · 18/04/2022 09:03

How come sports kit needs a low temperature and no conditioner? I find it smells unless it has everything it can have throw at it!

* yes I know this is missing the point of the thread*

Comedycook · 18/04/2022 09:04

I do it all but I'm a sahm of older children. Washing is hardly an arduous task these days...putting someone else's stuff in the machine is no extra work.

ivykaty44 · 18/04/2022 09:07

My son in law does his own laundry, not sure why it would raise eyebrows

Svara · 18/04/2022 09:09

I wash both mine and DS's together because it would be uneconomical not to. We both put it out on the line and bring it in. If we washed just our clothes separately then it would be three loads a week instead of two. I wash everything on 30 with no fabric conditioner.

ivykaty44 · 18/04/2022 09:11

How come sports kit needs a low temperature and no conditioner? I find it smells unless it has everything it can have throw at it!

Fabric conditioner ruins sports clothing and makes it retain smells, then when you wear the clothing and body temperature increases the clothes begin to smell www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/cleaning/tips/a19506/fabric-softener-cleaning-product/

DickVanDyke26 · 18/04/2022 09:12

Well more fool them for spending years doing their husbands dirty washing!

Svara · 18/04/2022 09:15

My mother did most of the housework in the eighties because she was only working part time in the evenings when my father was doing six days plus a day of college at one point. When I was a teen and he was only working full time the workload was split more. So it depends on working hours.

Mellowyellow222 · 18/04/2022 13:54

@ivykaty44

My son in law does his own laundry, not sure why it would raise eyebrows
Does he have children - does he only do his only clothes and leave towels sheets etc for the lady of the house?

I see no problem with people doing their own laundry - but these men aren’t lodgers - why aren’t they doing the household laundry?

Rubyroseyposey · 18/04/2022 15:02

I'm single but if I were ever to live with a man again (unlikely) there is no way I would be doing their washing ironing etc. I don't need the extra work 😂 I would expect it to be equal between the adults in a household. It's not 1950.

thecoffeewasthething · 18/04/2022 15:43

If you're older than 10, you should blardy well do your own washing.

shabbalabba · 18/04/2022 15:46

I do all the laundry but dh does all the cooking do I don't mind at all. It's not that he won't/can't he absolutely does if I'm too busy or away. But we have a routine so it's all good.

Svara · 18/04/2022 15:49

@thecoffeewasthething

If you're older than 10, you should blardy well do your own washing.
Why? I share the washing with my teen but it wouldn't make sense to do our own as our clothes fit in one load together.
TobyMory · 18/04/2022 15:53

It’s very odd to do it separately imo. All the clothes here get bunged in together and whoever is around at Feb time puts it in the machine. That’s usually me as I’m in the house more. Sounds petty to keep it separate.

Hellocatshome · 18/04/2022 16:19

I'm single but if I were ever to live with a man again (unlikely) there is no way I would be doing their washing ironing etc. I don't need the extra work 😂 I would expect it to be equal between the adults in a household. It's not 1950.

It can be equal without only doing your own though surely. Where would it end? Would you only do your own cooking, dish washing, hoover your side of the bedroom etc? All our washing gets done together by whoever has time when it's ready to go on, DH does the ironing and the cooking I do the cleaning and the ferrying the kids about. We have pretty equal amounts of household jobs to do but each doing only your own seems petty and more like a house mate type scenario then a partnership.

wishitwasaduvetday · 18/04/2022 19:01

I genuinely haven't used the washing machine for about 10 years. In our house that's DH's job. There was never a discussion about it, it just became a thing that he does the washing. Occasionally I try and help by hanging it out to dry but apparently I don't do that to his liking so he prefers me to stay out of it! 😆
We split cooking 50/50. He does most of the washing up. I do hoovering/floor cleaning, bathroom cleaning and polishing. It works for us!
We both do our own ironing.

Passthecake30 · 18/04/2022 19:13

I do all the washing apart from one load of dps work clothes a week (builder clothes). I wash, hang, take in and iron for the 4 of us - if the washing machine finishes he leaves it. Tbh it’s probably my favourite job in the house so he can keep the washing of the floor and the bins instead Smile

brookstar · 18/04/2022 19:21

It's unusual for adults in a family to do it separately I would say.

Not in our house. We've always done it separately and it never occurred to us to do it differently. It works for us.

limitedperiodonly · 18/04/2022 19:24

Give over OP. Stop pretending to be so radical.

No one is doing the washing by hand with a scrubbing board. You are putting it in the washing machine.

RampantIvy · 18/04/2022 19:28

@brookstar

It's unusual for adults in a family to do it separately I would say.

Not in our house. We've always done it separately and it never occurred to us to do it differently. It works for us.

How many times a week is your washing machine in use? It sounds like a very inefficient use of resources.