What small things did your parents get wrong when you were a child?

[Forevergold2838]

My mum and dad were/are wonderful but I remember a lot of stress about meal times. We had to clear our plates even if we didn't like it. I was allergic to eggs but it was dismissed as fussy eating even though I would vomit every time I ate them. They also never took a drink for me anywhere. I remember being thirsty on car rides and they'd offer me a sip from their flask of coffee or if they did bring me a drink it would be a small carton of 5 alive that would be gone in 2 seconds. I didn't drink a glass of plain water until I was in my late teens, we'd always have vimto.

Thanks @LuckySantangelo35

Oddly I still feel as if I'm being unreasonable for disliking it. So it really helps to hear your perspective.

I had such a wonderful, happy childhood and really can't fault anything my parents did.

They were however, quite relaxed with food and we always had a big snack draw that was always full. When I was in secondary school I was bullied quite badly, I was very shy and an easy target. I turned to food for comfort and began secret eating/ snacking when I got home from school (never did this in front of my parents but obviously the snacks weren't really monitored). This is a habit I have unfortunately carried with me into adulthood and as I've gotten older my metabolism has slowed considerably. I'm now in the position where I have quite a bit of weight to loose and it's not easy.

I don't blame my parents at all, my weight is on me and I wasn't a big child but I do wish there had been some sort of restriction on the snacks at the time as it's such a hard habit to break.

On the other hand a few of my childhood friends have suffered with severe eating disorders and their parents were always very strict about food/ obsessed with weight. It's a difficult balance to get right as a parent.

That aside, if me and DH can be half of the parents my mum & dad were/ are, we will be very happy indeed, they are my role models.

It sounds a bit ‘spoilt’ but they never bought me anything new despite having a lot of money that they pissed down the drain.

My clothes were always from charity shops or freebies from cousins/neighbours, I never owned any nice things and therefore didn’t really learn to take care of my belongings until recently. It took my ages as an adult to develop my own sense of style and how to ‘choose’ things for myself as I just never did growing up. I felt so scruffy and unfashionable everywhere I went, I was always self conscious about it.

My mum was always late collecting us from school despite the fact she didn’t work. We were always the kids sat waiting with the teacher after all the other kids had gone home. Embarrassing and frustrating for us but quite selfish towards the teachers who must have wanted to just bugger off home. Her time was always more valuable than other people’s iyswim.

She also had a ‘thing’ about people phoning or turning up at the door, or just social contact really (she would fit right in on MN ) which rubbed off on us and gave us all social anxiety. I’m mainly over it but my sisters are awkward nervous laughers who find it hard to have open genuine friendships.

I remember her slagging off a lady who lived down the road once. The lady’s crime? Asking my mum if me and my siblings wanted to go to her house for tea after school (her daughter was the same age as my sister). Anyone else would’ve been grateful but mum was all ‘She put me right on the spot, I thought to myself I’ve already done tea thank you, stop interfering in my plans’

This has been cathartic! Thanks OP.

We didn’t have fizzy drinks in our house either though. What did we drink? Well I know I drank about a glass of water every 40 minutes because my parents used to complain about it but I don’t think my brother and parents really drank much of anything at all. And I guess when out for the day I just didn’t weather.

Corned beef sandwiches though, we had plenty of those, even though no one liked them. I feel like that’s something that has changed - we all had to eat food that we didn’t like and it was maybe frowned on somehow to enjoy food too much. I don’t really remember my Mum cooking a meal because it was someone’s favourite the way I do (even though none of us had particularly weird or expensive tastes). I didn’t really look forward to meals much although my Mum is a decent cook.

@maddiemookins16mum

They moved house twice between my 11th and 15th birthday. - back in the day when we had 1st year, 2nd year etc at school. So…. 1st year - yay new big school school all my friends from primary - very happy 2nd year - moved house half way through - new town, new school 3rd year - at same school as 2nd year 4th year - moved house, new town, new school (this was the worst one) 5th year - same as 4th year school. I went to three different senior schools. It was awful.

At the risk of sounding like oneupmanship, I went to 5. They were very different schools too so I ended up getting bullied wherever I went. I started in an international school abroad and then moved half way through year 7 (so friendships were already established) to a prestigious boarding school in England. Then my parents came home and there’s no way they could have afforded boarding school so I was moved to a middle of the road, middle England, middle school for one year before moving to a high school for my GCSEs. The final school for my A levels was a crappy school that no one will touch with a barge pole these days. To this day, I’ve no idea how to move from acquaintances to friends as I never had time to do so properly, I was forever the “new girl”.

Oh, the moving house thing happened to me as well. We moved house every 18 months to 2 years without fail. Not for any particular reason and always in the same area. It was awful. Mum always chose houses which needed a lot of work, so we always lived in building works which weren’t finished before moving again

Constantly talked about my weight, restricted all types of food, put me on a diet at a ridiculously young age, told me I couldn't wear certain things because of my weight. Still dealing with disordered eating and severe anxiety about my appearance now.

My mum was actually lovely tho and we have a great relationship, at the time I can she see would have thought she was doing me a favour. It's only now that I have sought some help I can see where my issues have stemmed from which is difficult to process.

I also remember only being given ribena or fizzy drinks throughout childhood. I actually have really good teeth, but it's a bloody miracle!
I was telling DH last week that my parents would go and have a 3 hour nap after Sunday lunch and would leave me on my own. This was from the age of 3! My dd is 3yo and I'd never leave her downstairs by herself for 3 hours. I have a great relationship with them and always have done but I think that was really neglectful. I always hated Sundays as a child and think it was because I knew I was going to left alone for hours on end.

Never ever gave me a drink with a meal.

I wasn't allowed a drink with my lunch at school only after I'd eaten.

There were lots of big things they did wrong (especially my mum), but, in an effort to lighten the thread, small things included:
thinking that egg sandwiches were an acceptable foodstuff to take in a hot car with vinyl seats for a long drive on a hot day (done repeatedly during my childhood) - I get carsick to this day, and the smell of warm egg didn't help in the slightest!
Thinking that leaving me home alone in the school holidays (from the age of 8) meant that I would happily sit reading at home. Over the years, I found and pre-opened all my Xmas & birthday presents, and found out that my dad had been married before (by reading boxes of old correspondence).

Telling me off for anything broken. In a kind of can't buy you anything you don't look after it kind of way.

The drink stuff is a revelation, I thought it was just my family! When out with my then toddler a few years ago my mum commented that when I was that age it was really difficult to go out with me anywhere because I just screamed for a drink the whole time. Erm... Take one then?!

It seemed to never have occurred to her to take a drink for me. She was amazed I always had my DD's water bottle in the pushchair or my bag.

Hung on my brothers every word. Literally everytime he said I did something or that I hurt him I would get in trouble... and 99% of the time I weren’t even with him. I’m super close with my mum and my brother will swear blind I’m the favourite but I am 3 years older, remember more and he got away with everything. Even my aunt said the other day when she was around that he was defo the favourite.

I am utterly baffled by the number of people on this thread whose parents didn't think to give them drinks or otherwise didn't allow them enough to drink. I am struggling to accept that this is even a thing (btw I don't disbelieve any of you!).

In certain (very few) circumstances I might see that drinks could be temporarily withheld, for example a cup of water given with a meal and the child doesn't like/want the food so fills up on water making them even more reluctant to eat. However I can't imagine going on day trips or long journeys whereby drinks weren't taken OR purchased en route.

I would never, without extremely good reason, deny my child a drink for any prolonged period.

I'm genuinely shocked by how many of you experienced this or similar.

💐 for you all xx

From the comments on this thread it seems like a lot of parents didn't teach their children the difference between small things and big things. Or maybe simple reading and comprehension.
Spiteful and unnecessary. Some people wanted to express how they felt but you insist they stick to the letter of the post.
I expressed big things, but my mother would not have and apparently still does not think anything she did to me was a big thing, but hey I posted anyway because I wanted to and you are not the boss.

@user1471519931

💐 for you all xx

"🥤🚰 for you all" is more appropriate 😂

We drank bottles of full fat coke for years rather than water, how my teeth didn't fall out/rot I don't know!

I would never, without extremely good reason, deny my child a drink for any prolonged period.

i'm not sure it was about denying. More that it wasn't the norm for anyone adults included to stay hydrated all the time. People just didn't walk around with bottles of water/cups of coffee.

For me, my mum was quite controlling about my appearance. I had the same haircut for years. I had the same style of school coat for years. Only had clothes my parents liked. I remember being allowed to choose an outfit for a Christmas present when I was 13 and it was a big deal!

I also wasn't allowed to shave my legs. Luckily it wasn't noticeable unless close up but it's just one of those things that bothered me.

Mine are all still young but I love letting them choose their own style and be who they want to be. My oldest is 9 and she would definitely be miserable if I made her look a certain way.

Mum used to chase us with spiders to scare us.
I can't think of wrongs that they did as they were great parents - just the usual stuff that was a result of the times and their own upbringing.

@Squiff70 I’m one of the posters who didn’t have drinks much. When I went a homeopath as a kid she asked me how much I drank. I said it was a small glass a day. We didn’t even have big glasses, just tiny short ones. She was really shocked and said I needed to drink more. I had no idea before this thread that other people had the same thing!! No wonder I had recurring dreams of being so thirsty.

We moved around quite a lot as a family due to my father's job, and not once were any of us children asked at the time how we felt about moving to different areas/countries and having to constantly start new schools. Parents didn't give us any guidance on this whatsoever either. It's like the impact on us was just not even considered. I've spent my entire adult life searching for a sense of belonging.

Along similar lines, if I tried to talk to my mother about a problem I was having, it was always dismissed as being something that I "shouldn't worry about". It's as if talking about anything that waa bothering me was self indulgent. I now always feel like I'm burdening people if I want to discuss a problem.

Also, no info or guidance about puberty. If it hadn't been for school and girls' magazines, I would have been lost.

Basically, anything concerning emotion or discomfort was taboo in our house (unless parents were angry - they were constantly shouting and having adult tantrums... Not ok for their kids to show any difficult emotions though).

Haha, yeah, homeopathy is not my thing now at all. Kind of believed it as a kid - until it didn’t work.