I used the expression Under Siege and new neighbour is horrified

[UndersiegeNDN]

I've been here about 17 years on and off, but NC for this.

New neighbours arrived 6 months ago.

I texted ndn today saying " can you give me some idea of how long you'll have the jcb digger in the garden, I've just come out of hospital and will be in my room for a few days... just so I can get organised if I should move".

She replied that they would probably be 3 or 4 days, sorry, and yes probably a good idea if I set up somewhere else if possible.

Tedious, but at least I know. I couldn't move today, so just tried to get some sleep, only a few hours to get through. Except that it was past 6pm, and they were still outside shouting and laughing, almost literally sitting around watching concrete dry?!

Little did I know, my 16 yr old popped round to see if they could turn it down because I was feeling rough. He had never done anything like that before, and I wasn't sure whether to brain him or hug him. Very random act.

He came back really shaken. The woman had immediately ramped up "they're not my workers, talk to their boss" went on and on at him. The boss, and her husband, both really nice and said they'd just finished anyway. So son came back feeling foolish and a bit wobbly having tried something new.

I wrote to her saying I had no idea he was going over, and that it was probably for me, as I was feeling a bit under seige.

This is the weird bit. She completely lied about some pointless things (eg said she didn't know I was unwell, to my son), and said it was awful for me to treat new neighbours like this, and saying "under siege" made it clear I was discriminating about them because if their background?!

I'm not going to pretend I don't know they're Iranian, but I'm not sure what she was saying?!

I explained that I thought I could manage a few hours but that in the end I felt ill and stuck.

In afraid my initial reaction is to feel very pissed off. The work they're doing is right on the fence, involves a huge bit of poured concrete, and the timing is crap. But at no point, and in no way, did I think this was a cultural issue.

I just don't know what to do next. She has been a bit weird in the past, upset me with some comments about my other ND son, but I've no idea whether I'm being defensive, or what. Btw, she didn't know she was being crap about son last time, just thoughtless/ not knowing really.

I feel as if I've given a ton of detail but none of its useful.

Maybe I'll feel better when I can eat, drink, move, and start to heal?!

I'm pissed off that she had a go at my son. I'm pissed off that my son went over there (but happy he was trying to help?!), and I'm pissed off at being labelled (racist? ) when I was just using an analogy.

Is it me?

She sounds nuts. Tell her not to speak rudely to your child again. If she says anything about your other son tell her to fuck off.
Building work on her property that she's paying for makes her the one in charge so for the duration she is the boss and ought to be considerate of her neighbours.
It's not acceptable to yell at a teenager who is polite.

Also, using 'under siege' is a perfectly normal expression. You aren't responsible for her interpretation of it!

LOL @ImAvingOops - one no idea if you're right, but you made me smile, so thank you!

She clarified the work was going on for days yet and thought you had made other arrangements, your ds shouldn't have gone over there tbh.

'Under siege' is a pretty weird expression to use for a bit of noise slightly after 6pm though.

Btw, she didn't know she was being crap about son last time, just thoughtless/ not knowing really same with her probably, your use of that phrase has likely struck a nerve due to something she has been through.

I'd just avoid talking to them in future unless absolutely necessary.

Hope you feel better soon

This all sounds a fuss about nothing - from both sides. 🙄

Could she be referring to the Iranian embassy siege (from decades ago)

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno I'm not sure how you got slight noise just past 6? It was 6 men shouting and laughing, right outside the windows. And the jcb had been going since 7am.

I already said ds got it wrong. But thanks for your thoughts.

@Horsemad - well that was worth writing

@Eviebeans mm, if she was a old as me, and we were in the UK, maybe, but I honestly can't see the connection. Possible though, thanks for the thought.

Now her dh has written to my dh smoothing it all over and suggesting the 2 of them have coffee to sort it out...

So no need to worry, the men will sort it!!

FFS...

the men!
ha ha
know your place op

Not the point but if they are Iranians wont they be fasting at the moment?

Would noise from tbe digger be okay if they were the same race and nationality as you?

Would noise-cancelling headphones take the edge off, if the building works continue?

'Under siege' is a pretty weird expression to use for a bit of noise slightly after 6pm though.

This.

She sounds like a pain and I wouldn’t bother with her at all.

@lemongreentea

Not the point but if they are Iranians wont they be fasting at the moment?

Would noise from tbe digger be okay if they were the same race and nationality as you?

I think OP mentioned their background to explain why the neighbour may have been touchy about the phrasing, rather than as the reason for OP's finding lots of noise and disruption difficult when she's unwell.

@lemongreentea - are you saying all Iranians are Muslims, and that you can't use a digger during Ramadan?

And I would be just as upset if a digger was being used after 6pm if they were any race at all, but that's not what was happening.

@midsomermurderess - yes, headphones were part of my plan, but at the moment they are really uncomfortable until the swelling has gone down. It's really shit, you'd think that having taken out tumours you'd have less swelling, not more!!

@MrsLargeEmbodied - well they'll have to get on with it, because I can't rant, even if I want to!

Op, I'm with you 100%. The noise they make gives you a headache and is bad enough when you're feeling well, but when you're stuck just lying there, you're tensing all the time for the next noise. And to be still working into the evening would drive me mad. You just have to tell yourself that it will all end soon.
There's nothing wrong with the phrase under seige but she's now very cleverly put you on the back foot.

Being under seige possibly has more significance/emotion attached if you've "escaped" Iran, but we don't know what circumstances they left in or if that's relevant.

TBH, if my neighbour had asked for advice about where to set up their bed as they returned from hospital because of our noise, I'd have been mortified, going round with food/flowers/magazines, offering whatever help I could and trying to work out how we could minimise the disruption. She probably knows she should have been a better neighbour in the first place which is why the over reaction.

Hmm, I think they probably just felt a bit defensive, as 'under siege' sounds a bit dramatic for some presumably planned in advance home improvements and a bit of noise in the early evening. I'd feel quite accused, I suppose, especially if I was a good neighbour generally and this is an unusual event. The background comment is a bit weird, but I guess maybe she was feeling unreasonably targeted.

I get that it's crap when you're feeling unwell, but it's just unfortunate timing, really. If they'd hired workmen to get a job done, they can't really tell them not to do it because you're unwell in bed.

Check with your local council what times they can actually work. Many places building work can only be done between 8 and 5.30

If this is your local area set up politely advise her of this .
We’ve spent the last year with 3 neighbours next to behind and across from us all doing this, it’s not been much fun and the parking has been hell so you have my sympathy

Tht makes sense

@UndersiegeNDN

are you saying all Iranians are Muslims, and that you can't use a digger during Ramadan?**

No, are you?

Its annoying you are ill when they are having the work done. But they couldn't possibly have known this in advance and the digger will have been booked and paid for.

Thanks everyone, just to emphasise that I mentioned nationality in case anyone could make a link I couldn't.

It's true that I use a lot of analogies and metaphors, but it's never caused a drama before!

I think I'll just tread carefully going forwards. I honestly haven't got the capacity to deal with anymore stuff right now, so maybe I'll"let" dh handle it man to man. I can't imagine how that will help, surely at some point she and I will need to talk?

Bollocks to the whole thing.

I think your son sounds lovely.

They got the wrong end of the stick.

I really hope you feel better soon OP

And that things with the neighbours blow over soon

There are still rules about when work can take place. She is not saying they cant do it but is asking for consideration - if they are digging ALL day it is unreasonable and inconsiderate - they should do it in burst so it is bearable - follow the considerate builders rules 9and yes there are such things)

And yes as others said she is the boss when they are on her/her husbands job. Further there was no need to rip into a 16 yr old trying to look after his Mum - he is the one owed an apology. As tot he whole cup of coffee for the blokes yes that is a cultural issue

Your son was wrong for going to see the neighbours. That’s what kicked it all off. Wtf was he doing? I’m finding it difficult to believe that a 16 year old decided to do this.