I used the expression Under Siege and new neighbour is horrified

[UndersiegeNDN]

I've been here about 17 years on and off, but NC for this.

New neighbours arrived 6 months ago.

I texted ndn today saying " can you give me some idea of how long you'll have the jcb digger in the garden, I've just come out of hospital and will be in my room for a few days... just so I can get organised if I should move".

She replied that they would probably be 3 or 4 days, sorry, and yes probably a good idea if I set up somewhere else if possible.

Tedious, but at least I know. I couldn't move today, so just tried to get some sleep, only a few hours to get through. Except that it was past 6pm, and they were still outside shouting and laughing, almost literally sitting around watching concrete dry?!

Little did I know, my 16 yr old popped round to see if they could turn it down because I was feeling rough. He had never done anything like that before, and I wasn't sure whether to brain him or hug him. Very random act.

He came back really shaken. The woman had immediately ramped up "they're not my workers, talk to their boss" went on and on at him. The boss, and her husband, both really nice and said they'd just finished anyway. So son came back feeling foolish and a bit wobbly having tried something new.

I wrote to her saying I had no idea he was going over, and that it was probably for me, as I was feeling a bit under seige.

This is the weird bit. She completely lied about some pointless things (eg said she didn't know I was unwell, to my son), and said it was awful for me to treat new neighbours like this, and saying "under siege" made it clear I was discriminating about them because if their background?!

I'm not going to pretend I don't know they're Iranian, but I'm not sure what she was saying?!

I explained that I thought I could manage a few hours but that in the end I felt ill and stuck.

In afraid my initial reaction is to feel very pissed off. The work they're doing is right on the fence, involves a huge bit of poured concrete, and the timing is crap. But at no point, and in no way, did I think this was a cultural issue.

I just don't know what to do next. She has been a bit weird in the past, upset me with some comments about my other ND son, but I've no idea whether I'm being defensive, or what. Btw, she didn't know she was being crap about son last time, just thoughtless/ not knowing really.

I feel as if I've given a ton of detail but none of its useful.

Maybe I'll feel better when I can eat, drink, move, and start to heal?!

I'm pissed off that she had a go at my son. I'm pissed off that my son went over there (but happy he was trying to help?!), and I'm pissed off at being labelled (racist? ) when I was just using an analogy.

Is it me?

@lemongreentea ffs, you're the one saying "won't Iranians be fasting now?"!!

Wasn't that a reference to Ramadan?!

What exactly did you say that for then?

I feel as if you're gaslighting but I've no idea why. Were you trying to see if I know anything about being Iranian? Baffling.

Oh, and also, they may have planned in advance, first thing we knew was digger outside window this morning.

I’d be pretty annoyed if my neighbours child came round to tell me to be quiet - building work is fine til 6pm and it sounds like they were just chatting and having a laugh, not using any machinery.

I also think using ‘under siege’ in this overly dramatic way is very thoughtless when tens of thousands of people are currently dying under actual siege in Mariupol not that far away. When your trivial issue is with people laughing, it seems in very bad taste.

i always find it quite interesting if the next door neighbours have work going on, with some noise, working a bit late, and men laughing in the garden. It's fairly quiet where I live, so some outside action is quite good, and I never complain about anything. I have never been under siege, well just once,, that was a few years ago, I went to open my shed door, and just inside the shed, there was a wasps nest, which i hadn't noticed before, and the door opening had knocked some of the nest off,and a load of wasps attacked me. terrorist wasps.

It's 6pm, not 10pm - YABU for kicking up such a fuss about perfectly acceptable noise from people in their garden at a reasonable hour.

Using the term under siege is just really bloody weird and over dramatic- they've clearly taken it the wrong way, but it's still a silly analogy to use.

Well bless your heart @TurningUpMyStereotype - I'm not sure it's possible to troll hunt in the third person. If you wish, I can all MN to look into him, and see if he's behaving like a proper 16 yr old?

I think I said myself I was a bit confused by his actions. In hindsight though, he's probably pretty worried about my situation, and was trying to do something constructive.

I might take this as a chance to speak to him about the surgery etc and see if it's bothering him a lot. So thank you!

👍 Weird.

It all sound unnecessarily dramatic. It was early evening, six men laughing isn’t really the crime of the century nor is is being under siege and you already knew the work was going on. I actually can’t understand why you chose to be so dramatic. Were you complaining to your son is that why he decided to go over?

I can see why the men are having to sort it, which is so cringe, but between you both and the kid ypu all managed to turn it into a thing.

There's nothing wrong with using the expression "under siege" The neighbour is an over sensitive, tedious fool.

I hope you feel better soon OP.

I would be so proud of my son if he did that for me at age 16 - shows he is protecting you and being confident.

I am assuming he was polite and if so, she sounds like a complete twat - and deranged to be taking offence at that phrase.

Iran has maannnnnyyy secular Muslims and non-Muslims. Not sure why the PP bought that up......

Your son sounds lovely looking out for you
Hope you get well soon OP💐
Sorry you have such a rude neighbour

You said the men (her dh and yours) were going to sort it out over coffee and I queried if they wouldnt be fasting now.

You seem out of it from the surgery and/or medication and need to get some rest.

You would come across as racist by using 'under seige' for Iranian neighbours if deep down you wouldnt have used that for British ones. Only you know that OP.

Weird thresd all round. The woman neighbour soundd similiar to you actually so maybe its a clash of personalities and you should delete and block her number. No real to have contact with neighbours you dont get on with. Good luck

Is there an equivalent of Godwin's law re: not allowed to complain about anything, use certain phrases, because people are dying?

Could only be suggested by someone who's never actually been in war zone. As long as you stop being horrified long enough to do something useful.

@1forAll74 you may wish to have your mention of terrorist wasps removed .

So many poisonous women on here. I've seen the complaints many times, but until you've been at the wrong end of it you really don't understand what a kick people get out of being nasty.

I'll leave you all to it. Thank you to those who got what I was trying to work out. Sometimes we don't have all the answers. Well, some of you do, obviously.

Under siege was a pretty weird expression to use in this context.

Neighbour sounds a bit argumentative and defensive

It's all just a bit unnecessarily dramatic

The situation sounds dramatic and you sound dramatic in your replies too. Seems to be a lot of fuss over an unfortunate inconvenience. They presumably didn't know about your operation. They're having building work done. I'm not sure there's a lot you can do.

Why on earth did you post if you didn't want opinions? You've decided you're right, and are incredibly defensive. Your writing style is over dramatic, as was the siege comment. Good luck new neighbours 😬

Op maybe as you’re not well at the moment it’s impacting your replies and causing part of all this drama? Sometimes when we aren’t well everything can make us irrationally angry.

@lemongreentea - thanks for coming back, that makes sense now, alright, as pp suggested, Ramadan not relevant for neighbours. I am confident that I would use a "bloody weird and over dramatic" expression like that for anyone, I'm not selective!

You sound over an over the top dramatic drama queen OP. Are you always like this or is it a combination of surgery/drugs/and noise.

"Poisonous women" indeed, just because they don't agree with your irrational anger 🙄

Your neighbour is being a dramallama over your use of the term 'under seige' and needs to get over herself.

You (and your son) need to stop bothering your neighbours about noise related to work they're having done at a reasonable time of day. But it is understandable given you're ill.

OP, I think you are probably feeling really poorly and vulnerable after surgery, and something like the jcb carrying on feels like a much bigger deal than it would otherwise.

Maybe when you are feeling better, it would be a good time to talk to your neighbour and hear where each other are coming from

I find it really odd that in the Chat section there's a gang of women piling onto a woman who has just had surgery to have tumours removed and is obviously ill and tired and DIDNT POST IN AIBU.

OP your DS sounds very caring but to echo a PP if this is out of character he could be particularly worried about you so would warrant a chat with him.

Put NDN out of your mind for now and concentrate of getting better. Mulling all this over will do you no good at all.

[quote UndersiegeNDN]@lemongreentea - thanks for coming back, that makes sense now, alright, as pp suggested, Ramadan not relevant for neighbours. I am confident that I would use a "bloody weird and over dramatic" expression like that for anyone, I'm not selective![/quote]
OP you can take this or leave this but our over the topness is starting to impact your ds and he is trying to protect you/the situation. He is too young to take on the emotional work that involves and frankly thats not his job.

Perhaps look at how you interact and come across to other. If you want to that is. If not just carry on as you were. But not fair on your son to be put on that positon even if you didnt put him their intentionally.

I understand you are in a lot of pain post surgery and painkillers plus combination of noise is making things worse. Try the noise cancelling headphones and a meditation app or even soothing sounds on a youtube video to help.