I regret moving (back) to Australia

[GreenestGrass]

DP and I are both Australian. We did the typical young person thing of living in the UK and had the opportunity to extend our stay through work sponsorships and make it a more permanent move. For various reasons we decided to come back home to Australia, but as time goes by both of us feel increasingly regretful of our decision for a few reasons:

-Lower cost of living. I'm not saying living in the UK is cheap but my goodness, Australia is expensive. It really hit home for us when we moved back and were hit with prices for things.
-Lifestyle - we absolutely loved being able to travel easily and the access to different parts of the world. Australia feels so far away from everywhere and again, travelling internationally from here is super expensive. Cities in Australia also feel quite 'samey' and lacking character in comparison to the UK.
-Professional opportunities - with the much smaller population size, professional opportunities here in Australia just can't compare to what we had over there.

These are just a few of the reasons but overall we just preferred living there to here, and now there's not much we can do about it as it's unlikely we'd be able to start over again and also get the work permissions we'd need to legally work in the UK again.

Has anyone ever felt similar regrets? I'm doing my best to enjoy the things life in Australia has to offer but it does feel like we missed our chance a bit here :(

Really glad i read this thread. I went to Australia with the plan to stay. I liked it, certainly to visit its an amazing country, but to live permanently? I think this comment upthread summed it up well:

Sure the beaches and the weather are nice but my god, talk about a cultural desert. Plus it's a million miles away from anywhere.

It has culture, but I found it to be limited. TV was a special kind of hell - though I appreciate its changed in the years since I was there. And this - and being the last place on the news cycle being a day behind everyone in practice - more than anything made it feel really isolated and far far away. I didn't particularly miss family and friends ironically. It was just this sense of being disconnected in a way thats really difficult to express. The 'samey' comment also strikes a chord. Endless rather dull suburbia. Very nice safe suburbia but still a lifestyle that just isn't appealing to me. I know that this would actively be a positive for many people but personally its just not for me. I found Im not one for desiring to fit in and there was this widespread social conformity to a level that just doesn't exist in the UK which didn't really suit.

I'm not from London either. Likewise London is nice to visit but by god I would like to live there even less than Australia.

I think going made me appreciate where I live a lot more, but I do occasionally have doubts about whether I gave it enough of a fair chance and whether I missed the opportunity of my life. Its interesting to read this thread because it seems really at odds with what people normally seem to say.

I guess every one has their place, and sometimes its hard to work out where that is, and sometimes no where is an ideal fit either.

OP I don't think it's really relevant what others prefer, it's what means a lot to you that counts.

Having said that I think it takes a good two years to settle in, even if it's your home country. I know someone who did the reverse move and she constantly complained about everything: schooling, housing, the NHS. It took a couple of years but she now seems happy. Maybe it's the same for you. If not, you might be able to come back.

Be prepared for it being tough here though. Brexit, the pandemic and this Government have combined to make public services absolutely threadbare. I live in London and it literally took four months to get a plumber to do a day's work (it was a fiddly job and two plumbers quoted a six week wait and then both let us down on the day!)

I am amazed at the ridiculous ‘cultural desert’ comment. Australian Aboriginal culture is one of the oldest living cultures on earth. How small-minded that only European culture counts as culture.

OP, I’ve lived in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane (as well as England and 2 other countries in Europe) and of all the Australian cities, Sydney is the best for a visit and the worst to live in. Would you consider another city?

I think it’s so funny when people say there’s no culture here. It’s here, it’s easily accessible, not snobby, widely available. I mean our cultural icon is an opera house
Maybe if you live in an outback town, I could see what you mean but that’s like moving to Crawley and complaining that it’s a bit modern.
People do like sport but no more than I’ve seen in the U.K. with the mad love for soccer.
People sometimes look at Australia and like to feel superior because our buildings are newer and seem totally unable to believe that we have opera, art, concerts, music, theatre all right here. It’s so weird.
I also find it weird because I find the grim suburbs of the U.K. so depressing and am so glad we don’t have that here. Those awful post war terraced houses.
I do like loads about the U.K. but it’s funny, reading this thread shows me the main reason we always hesitate about coming back; the tedious snobbishness and superiority complex of the British.

Mind you, I read some of the comments here and it’s clear that people have never actually come here and if they have it’s probably just to visit the Home and Away beach, Bondi and that’s about it. Like going to Oxford street and then basing all your views on that one tiny snapshot.

Plus - I don’t know if you realise this but we’re not a day behind - we’re 11 or so hours ahead of the U.K. and we have rolling news like everywhere else on the planet

"being the last place on the news cycle being a day behind everyone in practice" @RedToothBrush are you sure you lived in Australia? Current time where I am is 1.15pm, in the UK it's 6.11am.

OP I do sympathise. I know quite a lot of British people who moved here (Perth) for the "neighbours" lifestyle. Some absolutely love it and it's everything they wanted. Others missed the familiar small communities, bustling towns and cities, cosy weather, and just the things that make a place "home", and have returned to Britain.
Perth is paradise, on paper, especially throughout the pandemic - there probably hasn't been a better place in the world to go through that - but I often fantasise about living in London or Manchester.

I wonder how long ago you left though. UK sounds like it has been through really tough times with COVID and labour shortages and Brexit.

Amen to the "cultural desert" comment @FourPillars. Australians need to travel their own backyard a bit more. The Kimberley is the last great untouched wilderness on earth, it's an absolutely incredible place.

@FourPillars

I am amazed at the ridiculous ‘cultural desert’ comment. Australian Aboriginal culture is one of the oldest living cultures on earth. How small-minded that only European culture counts as culture.

OP, I’ve lived in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane (as well as England and 2 other countries in Europe) and of all the Australian cities, Sydney is the best for a visit and the worst to live in. Would you consider another city?

I loved the Aboriginal culture.

I think you miss part of the point: the samey bit point.

There isn't the diversity of culture, which is why it felt a bit like a desert.

And everything was behind the curve: the news, the fashion, the current creative trends.

That may well have changed since I was there - the whole world has moved on - , but certainly at the time I really felt it.

I think its fair to say, that my great love of following whats going on in the world, doesn't make well with this sense of being a day behind everyone in the world. Thats my personality trait. So yes it was a cultural desert for me.

We just weren't a great fit for each other.

@ContemplativeFriday

Is Melbourne not a great vibrant spot for arts and culture? I would love to visit someday.

It is. I don't have a sporty bone in my body, love galleries, opera, restaurants, never go to the beach in summer ( hate summer) and I think it's a wonderful city to live in.

@RedToothBrush are you sure you lived in Australia? Current time where I am is 1.15pm, in the UK it's 6.11am.

Im well aware of the time unfortunately thanks.

I am in the UK. I've been awake since about 4am. I suffer from dreadful insomnia at times especially when stressed. Im very very stressed atm for reasons Im not about to go into here.

I do hope that this passes your shit test as being an acceptable reason to be aware at an ungodly hour.

I think you’re probably right that things have changed a LOT since you were here. I came here in the 1990s and it did feel a bit behind the U.K., but now, I guess thanks to the internet it really isn’t.
Plus we have one of the most multicultural societies on the planet and I think that has ensured that we have a hugely varied cultural backdrop, which has maybe changed from 20 years ago. Again, probably different in small communities but the cities are hugely diverse, much more so than my experience in London 20 years ago (again, I’m sure it’s changed there too).

How interesting this thread is!

Australia does look a wonderful place to live, and uber clean compared to UK.

• Never been- but an Antiques dealer I know moved there, and was so unhappy that he returned to UK leaving his family behind

He said the “ Lack of Culture/History “ really depressed him. He visits his family ( grown up DC now) once a year ( pre Covid)

His “ New” English wife says it’s much more “Cliquey” in Perth, compared to Bristol where they live in a Georgian house.

The UK seems a broken place to live at the moment.
Brexit is a disaster .
It seems insane Aussies can’t come and live here easily.
@GreenestGrass .. Come back!

@RedToothBrush

Again, your ignorance of Aboriginal culture is astounding - did you really live there?
There is not one Aboriginal culture. There are some similarities but the over 100 cultural groups have a different language, beliefs, and ways of life. Very little is ‘samey’. I’m afraid you’ve just signed up to the idea that culture = European culture but there are more Aboriginal languages spoken in Australia than in Europe.
Such a pity that this richness is not recognised nor embraced.

I’m British, lived in Melbourne 2002-2006 which I absolutely loved but I’ve never regretted moving back to the UK. Overall I prefer my life here. Give it a chance OP, you can always come back

I think when I commented that the cities are 'samey', I meant that the built environments and look and feel of the cities are quite similar. I've not been to Darwin or Perth but I've been to most large cities and many towns in Australia and this was my observation. I think it's because visible, preserved Aboriginal history was decimated and what remains are fairly new built environments. In the UK I felt towns and cities looked and felt quite different and distinct from one another - this is probably because the built environment and culture has been preserved well. I also feel Australia is more overtly racist, again possibly due to the UK having a longer history of migration and diversity within its societies.

Again, I'm not saying Australia is inferior in any way to the UK but my thoughts in the opening post still stand.

And it's really not that easy to come to the UK from Australia unless you have a British partner/direct ancestry, which a lot of people obviously do but many don't.

I feel your pain.

I drove a move back and really regret it. We were in a European capital and I just couldn’t cope with 2 under 2

Ten years later our biggest family dream really would be to move back but it’s never going to happen workwise 😩

I’m the opposite. I recently went back to visit friends and family in the UK and saw nothing I was missing, apart from their company. Everything just looked a bit grim. Dirty, cramped, and no real progress since I was there last.

Culture/Arts: I think the gap has closed. TV and movie culture is no different at all. While back in UK I flicked through the BBC and Channel 4 etc and it’s not much difference. Bake Off? Check. The Repair Shop? Check. And so on. It’s the same shows! Some fantastic film festivals in Australia, the same mainstream and Arthouse films get released. Streaming has standardised tv and film. I still read the BBC, The Times and certain writers in the Guardian (not the woman hating ones).

Some amazing galleries in major cities with modern and classic exhibitions. I think the difference is if you live a decent way outside of a major city in Australia it’s a mission to get access to stuff, so regional Australia suffers a bit there.

Healthcare: it’s not even a debate, it’s far superior in Australia.

Cost of living: I think pretty similar acutely. House prices in Australia are a major problem so I am glad I bought 10 years ago. We live in a quiet suburb with everything pretty accessible and rarely sit in traffic.

Lifestyle: it depends. I cannot imagine my kids living in the UK. They have a great life. They go to a good school, swim all year round, enjoy the beach, play different sport. It’s the same for me. Great walking and running trails, bike riding with amazing views, swimming in amazing places. I don’t miss the UK pub culture; I’d weigh an extra 10kg if I still lived there. But some people love that and I can understand, although I now view the UK’s relationship with alcohol as problematic now I’m technically an outsider.

I think it takes a few years physically to feel settled. It took me a good few years to not feel weird about the weather being what it was for a particular month. It took me 10 years for a hot Christmas to not feel very strange and actually feel Christmassy.

Having said this, I am happy with where I live because I think we have a really good compromise of all sides. Every time I go to Sydney I think it would be awful to live there. I think it would be possible to replicate our lives in the UK but would have to find a place with same balance of what we like.

So I think OP that it can take some time to physically adjust and find the right place in the country that suits.

But I wouldn’t go back to work in the NHS for all the tea in China.

hi op yes i do think the first poster i loverainbows summed it up a bit for me, my first thought was she must be mad regreting leaving this hellpit that is the uk for australia , but and i say this yes iv had similar regret , i grew up in romford which is a large town in east london, very happy there i was , but when i was 32 id got a bit bored and fed up , i was sick of my job which id been in for 13 years , romford seemed not quite so great to me , i kept thinking there must be somewhere better
so when i had the opportunity to move to milton keynes up north about an hour from london i was well excited , got a new job, but honestly i soon found it strange ,so different from romford and although i settled in and its been 19 years here , i massively regret my impulsive move .

romford has a much better bus system , im a non driver ,you can get on a train and be in southend , leigh on sea , so on a nice hot day its easy to get to the seaside , cant bloody do that from milton keynes , the buses are crap in comparison to romford ,
its got so much more green space than romford . lower crime rate , but in short i hate it , i miss romford so much i wish i could go back

romford is often referred to as a shithole and maybe it is , but it was my shithole i felt comfy there , its my hometown,
and i guess its the same thing , i expect a lot of people would say its madness why someone living in milton keynes with all it has to offer prefers romford , but for me it is what it is ,

i cant go back short of a huge lottery win , prices have risen so much there , im a council tenent now and i have a daughter , as a single finacial struggling parent going back to romford is not a possiblity as well as my elderly mum is now here in mk and my daughters dad who she likes to see

whilst i havent got any practical advice all i can say id whilst i dont get it why anyone would regret leaving the uk to live in australia again ,i do get your feeling of regret , i really do and i hope these words make some kind of sense to you

OP have a read about ‘reverse culture shock’. It’s a recognized phenomenon and it’s thought that it can take half the length of time you’ve been away to settle back in your native country.

Doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve made the wrong or right decision, but it may help to know that you’re going through a recognized process and will put some of your feelings into context. Good luck to you, it’s a tough emotional journey.

I used to love living in Australia but not anymore.
My fav city was Perth but it is so isolated.

Least fav is Melbourne as I never really connected with it.

It's great here if you're white and have a lot of money.

I'd like to go home but not sure where I fit in anymore.

Is Australia any less racist than it used to be? I mean Sydney specifically. Grew up there and have lived in London now for around 20 years.

[quote RedToothBrush]^@RedToothBrush are you sure you lived in Australia? Current time where I am is 1.15pm, in the UK it's 6.11am.^

Im well aware of the time unfortunately thanks.

I am in the UK. I've been awake since about 4am. I suffer from dreadful insomnia at times especially when stressed. Im very very stressed atm for reasons Im not about to go into here.

I do hope that this passes your shit test as being an acceptable reason to be aware at an ungodly hour.[/quote]
I do apologise for upsetting you, I was just being stupid. I"m sorry you've got insomnia, it is the worst. Take care of yourself.

That was for @RedToothBrush

@OneMomentPlease I've read up on reverse culture shock and so it's hard to know if what I'm feeling is that, or if we genuinely made a decision that was wrong for us.

I'm getting the sense (and I know this is a big generalisation!) from British people I've met here and on this thread that many are quite affluent here and bought properties years ago before the prices went absolutely bonkers. If you're trying to buy now in Sydney or Melbourne especially, prices are astronomical. I don't find public transport here is very good either compared to other cities around the world, plus professional jobs in most fields are very concentrated in the major cities - I found in the UK there was much more decentralisation of jobs.

@GreenestGrass

I think when I commented that the cities are 'samey', I meant that the built environments and look and feel of the cities are quite similar. I've not been to Darwin or Perth but I've been to most large cities and many towns in Australia and this was my observation. I think it's because visible, preserved Aboriginal history was decimated and what remains are fairly new built environments. In the UK I felt towns and cities looked and felt quite different and distinct from one another - this is probably because the built environment and culture has been preserved well. I also feel Australia is more overtly racist, again possibly due to the UK having a longer history of migration and diversity within its societies.

Again, I'm not saying Australia is inferior in any way to the UK but my thoughts in the opening post still stand.

Have you been to Hobart? That definitely feels completely different from all the mainland cities. Darwin is quite distinct. Perth is just like a tiny Sydney really (beaches are WAY better though).

Yanbu. My uncle at £10 pom regrets leaving UK. He stuck there due to adult children. Crime is terrible and houses vvv expensive to name two of many reasons he told us he regrets it. I never been so not judging. He recently moved to new Zealand so still close to his children and seems alot happier