I regret moving (back) to Australia

[GreenestGrass]

DP and I are both Australian. We did the typical young person thing of living in the UK and had the opportunity to extend our stay through work sponsorships and make it a more permanent move. For various reasons we decided to come back home to Australia, but as time goes by both of us feel increasingly regretful of our decision for a few reasons:

-Lower cost of living. I'm not saying living in the UK is cheap but my goodness, Australia is expensive. It really hit home for us when we moved back and were hit with prices for things.
-Lifestyle - we absolutely loved being able to travel easily and the access to different parts of the world. Australia feels so far away from everywhere and again, travelling internationally from here is super expensive. Cities in Australia also feel quite 'samey' and lacking character in comparison to the UK.
-Professional opportunities - with the much smaller population size, professional opportunities here in Australia just can't compare to what we had over there.

These are just a few of the reasons but overall we just preferred living there to here, and now there's not much we can do about it as it's unlikely we'd be able to start over again and also get the work permissions we'd need to legally work in the UK again.

Has anyone ever felt similar regrets? I'm doing my best to enjoy the things life in Australia has to offer but it does feel like we missed our chance a bit here :(

@GreenestGrass

And it's really not that easy to come to the UK from Australia unless you have a British partner/direct ancestry, which a lot of people obviously do but many don't.

Can you get an ancestry visa? You need to have a grandparent born in the U.K. it lasts 5 years and then you can apply for right to remain. Any one from a commonwealth country can apply.

@Bringonthebloodydrama

Couldn't live in oz. I'd feel cut off, restricted, frustrated, depressed. The thought of being stuck there in the pandemic

But I do also think that anyone who voluntarily moves to the other side of the world probably doesn't like their family all that much

This has to go down as one of the most idiotic comments I’ve ever seen on mumsnet!

Thought of being stuck here during the pandemic makes you ??? What? Aside from Melbourne, pretty much the rest of Australia lived a relatively normal existence (where I am we had a total of 3 days locked down during the entire pandemic) and a very low death toll. Why on earth would that make you sad?

And as for saying families who choose to move abroad don’t like their own family very much, just what?! What kind of logic is that?

Haha

@Grimsknee I've been around Tasmania including Hobart - pretty city but it's not somewhere I could ever see myself living. I'm not sure my job even exists there and DP's certainly wouldn't!

This is another gripe of mine about Australia (I know, I know ), how it's so hard to find jobs in particular professions. I have a friend who's a scientist and is trapped in a job she hates because there is only one place in the state she can find a job in. My DP's job has so few opportunities here - in the UK he had so many job options. It's a small population thing, plus a lack of manufacturing and underinvestment in many areas of research.

I do love Sydney's food scene though, as a plus! The food here is great generally.

@Chestnutpony but when I lived there I found the indigenous culture was hidden and very difficult to to access. Nowhere was it that apparent in the cities which was very sad. Hoping it’s changed now.

@underneaththeash No, I don't have any grandparents born in the UK and neither does DP.

Probably because you couldn’t fly in or out of the country for months?

Darwin is wonderful, I love it, felt almost Bali like to me, it's go such a chilled out feeling, which is saying something as I now live in Perth which I thought was the most laid back city ever. I don't particularly find Perth like Sydney though, I used to live in San Diego, feels more like some of the California coastal towns. Beaches are fabulous, and the reason I will never leave, that along with the food which I do think I do think is far better than UK. When I finally retire I'll be moving down to Margaret river though, wine country in Australia is pretty fantastic.

Perth might be isolated, but that's getting better, got the direct flights to London, and direct to Rome starts in June, we're also short trip to Singapore which is fabulous for a long weekend.

I lived in Australia for a couple of years, I have family members there and could have stayed long term. We like many it seems decided to return to the U.K. and I am so relieved that we did. I much prefer the lifestyle here and I think it’s the best place for us to raise our children. We have a very outdoor lifestyle and do much more of the things we love (kayaking, swimming, cycling and running) than we ever did in Australia. But also the culture, history and easy travel to Europe.
Saying that though, how long have you been back? As I think you do need to give it a couple of years to settle back in.

[quote GreenestGrass]@OneMomentPlease I've read up on reverse culture shock and so it's hard to know if what I'm feeling is that, or if we genuinely made a decision that was wrong for us.

I'm getting the sense (and I know this is a big generalisation!) from British people I've met here and on this thread that many are quite affluent here and bought properties years ago before the prices went absolutely bonkers. If you're trying to buy now in Sydney or Melbourne especially, prices are astronomical. I don't find public transport here is very good either compared to other cities around the world, plus professional jobs in most fields are very concentrated in the major cities - I found in the UK there was much more decentralisation of jobs.[/quote]
This and the job part sounds tough

Love to know in what areas you work just for curiosity but no need to say if you don’t want to

I’m so used to being U.K. / Aus (in London) I find posts on the alternative decision really interesting.

I love both for various reasons (although found the vibe on here hard for last two years U.K. got a tough time)

It's very expensive and time-consuming to travel internationally from Australia to anywhere though. A 'local' holiday to Bali for instance will cost about $600-$800 on tickets from Sydney and is still more than a 6 hour flight away. Even Sydney to Perth takes 5 hours and is very expensive. The distances in the country and to anywhere else are just so huge.

OP I’ve read all your posts.
My cousins moved to Australia from the U.K. as young adults with their parents. They’ve all built happy lives for themselves.
My lovely cousin says it’s like living a double life in that she holds a sort of parallel possibility of the other country in her mind. She could be happy in either but is also sad not to be in the other place at the same time, so torn and a bit permanently unsettled.

Sydney house prices are shocking, I don't know how anyone can get on the ladder now without substantial family help. At least Perth is most reasonable of the capital cities, I have hope my kids will be able to buy a place here should they stay.

@NecklessMumster

My friend emigrated to Australia from the UK as a young person, when she comes back to the UK to see family she says all the houses seem tiny and everything is squashed up together with no open space...cars jammed parked etc. But she is a very outdoorsy person with lots of dogs etc

The houses are tiny and the yare squashed up together - housing stock in the UK is appalling. Agree about cars too - Australia obviously has much more space generally. Sizes of houses is one extremely good reason to live in Australia (or most other countries) though.

But I think there's more directly useable open space in the UK and the countryside is prettier.

Also, the wildlife is quite benign here and generally not out to kill you

I liked Australia but I am too European to live there. That said, following Brexit, travel to Europe is no longer what it was, so I guess the only upside of being in the UK is time/cost of getting to Europe for the temporary stays we are allowed.

@LimeSegment

I think you are experiencing something a lot of expats go through, once you live for a while in another place, you don't exactly feel home in either. You start wanting the pros of both and the cons of neither. And the cons of the one you are currently in loom large in your mind. So right now you are thinking, sure I'm with family, but that isn't making me happy. If you were in the UK you'd be thinking, I wish I was with family, that's the most important thing. I have read so many threads on here from people who regret not moving back home when they had the chance (whether home be the UK, Australia or somewhere else).

Yes, it's true that you can never go home again.

I would move back to Oz in a heartbeat if only they could tow the whole place 12 hours closer to Europe.

I have a friend who went back under duress. She really really didn’t want to go back but had started a business here and it failed , leaving her and her husband in massive debt. They sold everything and moved back to Oz . Now have a much better life but she hates the weather and finds it difficult to make friends. She would love to move back but can’t afford to.

I moved back to Aus after living in Europe for years too. Not only do I miss Europe, but my DH has embraced being a Bogan which he never was before. I have no idea who he is anymore. We were best friends and now I have the ick.

@GreenestGrass

I think fundamentally it's not that one country is objectively better than the other - it's about what you value most in your lifestyle. I do feel the lifestyle in the UK suits me better in a lot of ways and if I could choose again I don't think I would've come back home to Australia. I don't know if that means I should try any means possible to get back to the UK, accepting it may not be impossible now, or just do my very best to enjoy the things life in Australia has to offer and stop even thinking about life back in the UK at all. It's hard to know really. Those of you have passports for both countries are lucky to have options!

I can understand where you're coming from and I think you're right - it's horses for courses. For some people, the lifestyle of Australia is the right one and the distance/cost of getting away from Australia is irrelevant, because they have everything they want right there. For others, being so far from places with endless variety, old buildings, varied cultures, languages and travel opportunities is simply not desirable and the employment opportunities available in the UK just can't be matched in Australia.

I had a lot of Aussie friends in my 20s in London and almost all returned home eventually - even those ones who said they never would. For some it was because they ran out of road in visa terms and had to return, for others it was the guilt of having DC in the UK and aging parents in Australia who they were rarely able to see.

Will you have DC, do you think and if you do would you want your DPs to be an integral part of their lives? That was the clincher for most of my friends. And in terms of the job opportunities, they accepted that once they returned to Australia, they'd never be able to match the what was available in the UK/Europe, but for them being close to family was more important (or at least it was for one of them - I know one couple where the DH would've stayed in the UK, it was the DW who wanted to return).

Interesting dilemma. After 27 years living abroad, and only rarely returning to our home country, we didn't know where we would eventually retire. When DH hit 50, we went home on holiday to suss what living there would be like. Most of our friends had moved, I hated the heat and mosquitos and we both hated the laidback, mañana attitude. Our values had changed. Other friends who had moved back also said that it had taken them about 3 years to break into a golfing clique. Home was no longer our country of birth, but Scotland. We stayed here and have never regretted it. I think if we had returned, like you, I would have been unhappy and regretted moving. I've now lived in Scotland for 40 years and counting. My DH has now passed away and my DC live in other countries but I'm still happy that we stayed.

@Chestnutpony

I'm always a bit at people who think they can't find culture in Australia. What they usually mean is that they can't find European cultural events. They don't mention Australian indigenous culture or proximity to SE Asia.

What they really mean is that they run out of 'cultural' things to do. Of course it's absurd to say that Australia has no culture, but it is true that Australia can't compare with UK / Europe for activities. Even the UK by itself has twice Australia's population and has been far more heavily populated for millennia, plus it's easier to get to things. Someone mentioned the Kimberley. Fine - an easy day trip is it?

Blimey pick me up off the floor; you do know you are posting on MN don’t you op.
One of the rules of MN is that you can’t say the U.K. is better to live than anywhere else in the world. Apparently the U.K. is a dirty racist corrupt country the worst in the world.
Yet people will risk their lives to get here funny that.

OP I hope you can settle back in Aus , go easy on yourself . I lived all over the world and have never felt completely settled back in UK, there is no one country that has everything for everyone, although I found Sweden to be the nearest to my personal nirvana, and will always miss the progressive society of intelligent, non dumbed down ,kind and non judgemental people, so much higher quality public services, including their version of the NHS..the UK seems to be going in the opposite direction more and more, to me. And Swedish summers are perfect ! Clear, fresh,warmer and drier than here, which surprises a lot. Winters are magical, nothing stops for snow, obviously, and months of blue skies, sunshine, dry cold which even at -15, doesn't feel as cold as windy, wet, grey England. My question is, if you or your OH developed serious, long term health conditions, where would you rather be? I was unfortunate enough to be thrown in this position, so my rather first world quandary of where to emigrate /re emigrate to permanently became irrelevant as I permanently lost my physical and financial means to do so, and to live a full live as I previously knew, anywhere, became just a memory.

Today is really all anybody has, and to live for today, to be fully and joyfully in the moment, to be present in our lives as they are right now, to fully see and appreciate the privileges we really have , is the greatest freedom and comfort, that transcends and can answer a lot of life choices. Respectfully, "first world" humans don't seem capable of being fully present , to simplify our lives, until all other privileges and choices are taken away. I know I wasn't. So I try to use my personal tragedies as a positive , so others don't have to suffer so greatly just to learn how to be fully, joyfully present and at peace with ourselves, right now, wherever that is. Very best wishes .

This thread is so interesting. Really good to read everyone's experiences.

I'm Australian but have lived in uk for 20+ years. My DH is British. We have three young DC. I yearn to return to Australia. I've never got to grips with the long, cold, dark winters. I'm just not built for it. I love spring and summer here though, it makes me very happy.

We are considering a move back. Unfortunately Sydney is where my support network is and unfortunately it's incredibly expensive.
We both have successful businesses which technically can do anywhere but not sure how it would work with taxes etc.
but the main problem is pulling away from family, my immediate family is here. DMIL adores her children so much.

But I yearn to go back. I'm under no illusion that there are issues with weather, misogyny, racism, being far away from Europe. But I love Australia. Love the people, love the cafe culture, the beaches, the laid backness, the lack of really cold weather!

We are going back at Xmas for a month to see how we feel. Of course it's a holiday but we will also be really considering our long term prospects.

I drive myself mad knowing what to do!

@Viviennemary

Woukd New Zealand be an option. I have heard its a great place to live.

I'm happy living in NZ but it has many of the same problems as Australia.

• high cost of living
• unaffordable housing
• takes ages to get around cities
• very limited career opportunities
• suburbanitis
• not a lot of 'old stuff'
• (not mentioned on this thread) boganism
• not much to do if you don't like sport / beach.

I have nieces and nephews in England and their upbringing just strikes me as richer and more interesting than what my DCs have got.

I'm going to be annoying and ask, have you properly looked into the work situation and permissions for working in the UK? If you know you either could or couldn't do that, it would make the decision for you or at least might clarify your feelings.

And I hear you when you say Sydney is where you know best and your family are, but if you like Melbourne, might you be happier there, in some ways? In my (brief!) experience as a visitor, Melbourne felt more interesting and characterful than Sydney, and certainly more distinctive, if that's what you miss.

I think it’s really hard for us as humans to realise how things are changing all the time at the places we miss and at the places we are in.
Also remember how you will be changing and growing as a person through doing new things. Self knowledge is a rare and brilliant thing and I’m pretty sure leads to greater long term happiness though it’s not easy to achieve always. As we all know it’s easy to just put rose tinted glasses on.

I think moving to be happier is really a good thing to do, life is short, but always bearing in mind that even if it’s a ‘return’ the destination and its people will have changed a bit. It’s essential to expect a lot of differences and compromises and not to hold on to very fixed ideas of what to expect, in either location.