I'm just feeling sad. No holiday abroad

[Amabish]

My kids range from primary to college and we have never been abroad.

I keep saying every year that we will try but there is 6 of us and its just so expensive.

I finally booked a holiday and paid half in 2020 and yup... Corona.

Got a refund and over the last 2 years the money has gone on routine stuff because its been so tight.

I really wanted to try for this year but looked and its going to be thousands. I just can't do it.

All my siblings and parents are going away again this summer and I just feel so fucking shitty that I can't provide this basic thing for them.

Feel like a failure. All they've ever had is hitty caravan holidays.

"Sorry, we have enjoyed our caravan holidays in the past, I'm just comparing them to sisters all inclusive beach hols in Marmaris and getting the green eyed monster.

I know it's a very first world problem but it's a culmination of just feeling like a really shit parent lately (chronic illness, no savings, stuck renting, no possibility of ever owning a home, over crowded, no inheritance for kids, no idea how they will ever afford to move out. No car, sick of buses and not being able to take kids places)"

Just out of interest was your situation better before you had four children? I know it's too late now as they are already here but genuinely interested in your answer as some situations would just be better all round if there were fewer people to accommodate no?

We got married last May, our plan was to go on honeymoon early this year, somewhere warm and sunny. We didn't even get to plan it. DH's cancer got the better of him after a stroke in November and he died in February. No holiday for us me this year.